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PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


FOR 

LITTLE FOLKS 


BY 

MARIE IRISH 

AUTHOR OF PRACTICAL DIALOGUES, DRILLS AND MARCHES; 

SONG pantomimes; ETC. 


A. FLANAGAN COMPANY 
CHICAGO 


FAVORITE 





























INTRODUCTION 


In this book of little plays for little people, we have 
grouped some of the old favorites with new material. The 
dramatizations of familiar stories are from those that never 
become too old to be interesting, either to the children or the 
public. 

The lines and sentiments have been made sufficiently simple 
to be mastered by children of from six to nine years of age. 
Little folks are usually good imitators. They love to “dress 
up” and have a natural instinct for “acting out,” which makes 
it easy to successfully carry out little plays. There is no form 
of entertainment more pleasing to the general public than 
where children play the parts of grown-ups. 

The stage effects called for by these little plays are all sim¬ 
ple, while the costumes are such as can be easily provided. 
But proper attention must be given to costumes, as very often 
they have as much part in “making” a play as the sentiment 
or acting. 

With children, as with adults, care must be exercised in 
giving parts to those who are suited to them, for all have not 
the same gifts of personation and imitation. A piece can 
be more easily “killed” by an unwise selection of the charac¬ 
ters than in any other way. 

Thorough drilling will be required, that everything may 
go off like clock-work and the children feel perfectly at ease 
in their parts; otherwise some one may become “rattled” and 
perhaps cause general disaster. The characters should prac¬ 
tice several times with their costumes, that they may become 

5 


6 


INTRODUCTION 


accustomed to them and not forget their lines because it seems 
so “funny” to be dressed up. 

A good prompter should always be at hand to keep the lines 
moving, as this not only prevents a break-down but gives the 
children confidence, and the same prompter should drill with 
the children as takes the place in the final rendition. 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES FOR 
LITTLE FOLKS 

PART I 

DRAMATIZATIONS OF FAMILIAR STORIES 





Li-- .. * 


RED RIDING HOOD 


FOR THREE GIRLS AND THREE BOYS 


CHARACTERS 


Red Riding Hood 

Mother 

Grandmother 


Wolf 

Hunter 

Woodman 


COSTUMES 


Red Riding Hood: Ordinary dress, long red cape and attached 
hood. 

Mother: Old style long dress, white apron, hair done up. 

Grandmother: Does not appear on scene. 

Wolf: A wolf’s head,* suit of gray or brown cloth, cut loose, 
with sleeves tapering off at hands so as to look like mittens, hiding 
the hands completely; the legs are cut with feet to them. Stuff 
suit wherever needed. 

Hunter: Leggins over trousers; hat or cap; big shoes; gun over 
shoulder. 

Woodman: Dresses as above, except that he wears straw or felt 
hat, and carries an axe (made of wood or pasteboard, covered with 
silver paper). 


Scene I—Red Riding Hood’s Home 


Plain room, with only a chair and small table, the basket for 
Red Riding Hood resting on the latter. 

Discovered, Mother, sitting by the table and looking up from 
her sewing as Red Riding Hood enters. 

* May be secured from publishers of this book, price, 50 cents, 
postpaid. 


9 


10 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


Mother. Little Eed Eiding Hood, should you like to visit 
grandmother this morning? 

Eed Eiding Hood. Yes, mother dear, I shall be glad to go. 
Mother. I knew you would. Here are some cakes and 
butter in the basket. Your grandmother is ill. You may go 
to see her and take them with you. 

Eed Eiding Hood. And may I wear my new cloak, mother ? 
And my red hood—the one that grandmother gave me? 

Mother. [Helping Eed Eiding Hood on with her cloak 
and hood.] Yes, here they are, my dear. And here’s the 
basket. [ Puts basket on her arm.] Now, do not stop to play 
on the way and do not talk to anybody. Give my love to 
grandma and say I hope she is feeling better. 

Eed Eiding Hood. I will remember. Goodby, dear mother. 
Mother. [ Kissing her.] Goodby, little Eed Eiding Hood. 
Be sure to come back before dark. [ Exit Eed Eiding Hood.] 

curtain 

Scene II—In the Woods 

A wood. A painted curtain, or a few green plants and flowers 
placed about the stage will answer. 

Discovered, Eed Eiding Hood, at one side of stage. 

Eed Eiding Hood. What pretty flowers are growing here! 
I will pick some to take to grandmother. [Sets basket down 
and picks flowers.] 

[The Wolf comes on stage from opposite side and walks 
toward Eed Eiding Hood. She is busily engaged pick¬ 
ing flowers and does not see him until he has walked 
around her. As she looks up and finds him there, she 
gives a startled cry.] 


RED RIDING HOOD 


11 


Wolf. Do not be afraid, little Red Riding Hood. I was 
just waiting to see you. How are you to-day, and where are 
you going? 

[Red Riding Hood appears so surprised that she cannot an¬ 
swer. She stands looking at Wolf.] 

Wolf. [Again.] Where are you going this fine day, I say? 

Red Riding Hood. I am going to my grandmother’s. She 
is ill, and I am taking her these cakes and butter. 

Wolf. Your grandmother must be very proud of such a 
lovely little granddaughter. And where does your grandma 
live, Red Riding Hood? 

Red Riding Hood. In the yellow cottage on the other side 
of the wood. 

Wolf. I am going to your grandmother’s, too. You go 
the short way, and I will go the long way, and we will see who 
gets there first. 

[They pass off stage on opposite sides, Red Riding Hood 
stooping to pick a flower here and there as she slowly 
walks off.] 

CURTAIN 

Scene III—At Her Grandmother’s 

Plain room—half of stage—the same as in Scene I, with couch 
with pillows and white coverlet added. The other half of stage 
(the two may be separated by a curtain) represents the outside of 
the Grandmother’s cottage, where the Wolf can come onto stage and 
knock. (The inside of the room is not exposed to view until after 
Red Riding Hood enters, as indicated elsewhere.) 

Wolf. [Enters.] I have had nothing to eat for two days 
and I am very hungry. I guess I got here first. [Looks 
around and laughs. Knocks on the door.] 

Grandmother. [Calls from within.] Who is it? 


12 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


Wolf. [In a soft voice.] It is your little Red Riding 
Hood. 

Grandmother. [Calls.] Pull the string and the latch 
will fly up. [Wolf enters room back of curtain. The Grand¬ 
mother gives several screams, then all is still. Wolf puts on 
a white■ ruffled nightcap and spectacles and gets into bed on 
the couch.] 

Enter Red Riding Hood at end of stage and knocks. 

Wolf. Who is there? 

Red Riding Hood. Little Red Riding Hood. 

Wolf. Pull the string and the latch will fly up. 

Red Riding Hood. How gruff dear grandmother’s voice 
is! I suppose it is because she is ill. [Enters the room and 
as she does so the curtain is drawn, revealing the Wolf in 
bed.] Good morning, dear grandmother. I hope you are 
better. I have brought you a pat of butter and a fresh loaf. 

Wolf. Set your basket on the table. Take off your hood 
and sit beside the bed. 

[Red Riding Hood does as she is bid. She sits looking at 
tho Wolf as though afraid, seeming to understand that 
something is the matter with her Grandmother, although 
she recognizes the cap and spectacles.] 

Red Riding Hood. [After the pause.] Wiry, grand¬ 
mother, what big ears you have! 

Wolf. The better to hear what you say, my dear. 

Red Riding Hood. And, grandmother, what big eyes you 
have! 

Wolf. The better to see you, my dear. 

Red Riding Hood. But, what long arms you have, grand¬ 
mother. 

Wolf. The better to hug you, my dear. 


RED RIDING HOOD 


13 


Red Riding Hood. But, grandmother, what big teeth you 
have! 

Wolf. The better to eat you up! 

[Wolf sits up in led and grabs for Red Riding Hood. She 
gives a loud scream and at that instant the Woodman 
and Hunter rush in. Red Riding Hood drops upon 
the floor in a faint.] 

Woodman. [Picks up Red Riding Hood and holds her 
in his arms.] Little Red Riding Hood is not hurt, she is 
only frightened. Do not let the wolf get away. 

Hunter. I will take him out and cut his head off. [He 
has a tussle with the wolf and drags him out of led.] Come 
on, sir, you are going to be killed before you can play any 
more of your terrible pranks. [He drags the Wolf from the 
room.] 

Woodman. [Lays Red Riding Hood on the led.] There, 
there, little Red Riding Hood, you will be all right in a 
few minutes. I guess we got here just in time to save your 
life. 

Re-enter Hunter. 

Red Riding Hood. [Sits up.] Oh, is he killed—the wolf ? 

Woodman. Yes, Red Riding Hood. He will never do any 
more mischief. Now we will take you home lest your mother 
be frightened. [They pass from stage, one on either side of 
Red Riding Hood.] 


curtain 


THE THREE BEARS 


FOR FOUR BOYS AND THREE GIRLS 

CHARACTERS 

Papa Bear, a large boy 

Mama Bear, smaller than Father Bear 

Baby Bear, a small boy 

Goldie Locks, a small girl 

Goldie's Mother, a larger girl 

Goldie's Father, a large boy 

Goldie's Brother, a middle-sized boy 

COSTUMES 

The Three Bears wear bear masks if possible. If these cannot 
be obtained, then make masks of stiff paper with long, pointed 
noses and cover with brown canton flannel. Over the back of 
head wear a hood of brown canton flannel and wear gloves made 
of the same material. Baby Bear also wears long stockings, made 
of the same material, and no shoes. Father Bear wears wide 
trousers of bright colored calico, a dark shirt, and a sack coat 
of bright calico. He must be padded to make him look large and 
fat; wears large shoes, a big necktie and a stiff hat, tied to keep 
it in place, and which he keeps on all the time. 

Mother Bear wears a large bright-colored wrapper, floor length, 
a big apron, and a full ruffled cap of bright color. Baby Bear 
wears short, tight little trousers, a ruffled waist of some bright 
color and a little cap. Mother Bear must also be padded to make 
her look very fat, but Baby Bear is to be made to look as tiny 
as possible. 

Goldie Locks wears a short, bright-colored dress, hair hanging 
and tied with bright ribbons. Her mother has hair done up, and 
wears long dress and an apron. The father and brother wear 
leggins, belted jackets, felt hats, and each carries a gun. The father 
should be a taller boy than the brother. 

14 


THE THREE BEARS 


15 


STAGE ARRANGEMENT 

Hang a curtain on wire across the stage a few feet back from 
front, leaving space in front of curtain for an out-of-doors scene, 
and space behind the curtain for the Bears’ home. Use a screen, 
or ha"g a small curtain to divide the space back of curtain into two 
rooms. The larger room has a small table with three bowls upon 
it, and three chairs, two large straight ones, and a little rocking 
chair at the other end of room from the table. The smaller room 
has three beds made of quilts down upon the floor. 

Scene I—Out-of-Doors at Goldie Locks’ Home 

Discovered , Goldie Locks, sitting on ground , playing with a 

doll. 

Goldie Locks. [ Talks to her dolly.] Now, Annabel, let’s 
play go down town and buy some candy. 

Enter Goldie Locks’ Mother. 

Mother. Little Goldie Locks, can you go and bring the 
cows home from the woods ? Your father and the boys are so 
busy felling trees in the forest that I am sure they will be 
glad to have you bring the cows home for them. 

Goldie Locks. [Rising.] Yes, mother dear, I will bring 
them home. 

Mother. But do not stray away from the path or wander 
far into the woods, because you might get lost or meet with 
some wild animals. 

Goldie Locks. All right, mother. 

Mother. And come back as soon as you can, so I shall not 
worry about you> my dear. 

Goldie Locks. I will, mother. You take my dolly into 
the house for me. [Gives doll to her Mother.] Good-by. 
[Waves her hand and throws a kiss to her Mother as she goes 
off stage.] 



16 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


Mother. Good-by, Goldie Locks. [ Waves her hand. 
Goldie Locks goes off at one side of stage and her Mother 
goes off at the other.] 

CURTAIN 

Scene II—At the Bears’ Home 

The curtain is drawn, revealing the three Bears standing about 
the table. 

Papa Bear. Ugh! woof, woof, wow. This porridge is so 
hot that it burnt my mouth! Shame on you, Mama Bear, 
to give me porridge that cooks my throat! 

Baby Bear. Oh, I burned my mouth clear down to my 
tummie! 

Mama Bear. I am very sorry. We will have to let it 
cool. 

Papa Bear. We will go out for a little walk in the woods 
while the porridge cools. 

Baby Bear. [ Dances around.] I want to go for a walk. 

Mama Bear. All right, that will be nice. Let us go at 
once. 

Baby Bear. Take hold of my hands. [Papa Bear takes 
one of his hands , Mama Bear the other, and they pass from 
Mage.] 


Scene III—The Same 

Enter Goldie Locks 

Goldie Locks. I wonder who lives here. I am lost and 
perhaps they can tell me the way home. [ Looks around, finds 
porridge.] Oh, how good this porridge smells! I am very 
hungry. I’ll just taste a little bit. [She tastes of Papa 
Bear's porridge and makes a face. ] Oh, this is too strong! 


THE THREE BEARS 


17 


[Tastes of Mama Bear's porridge .] This is better, but it is 
a bit too salty. [Tastes of Baby Bear's porridge.'] Oh, this 
is just right! [Eats it all up.] Now I am not hungry. 
[Looks around and goes over to the chairs.] These chairs look 
comfortable. IT1 just rest a few minutes. [Sits down in 
Papa Bear's chair for a moment, then gets up.] Oh, this one 
is too big, and stiff, and hard. [Sits in Mama Bear's chair 
and then gets up again.] This one is better, but it is too 
straight. [Sits in Baby Bear's chair.] Oh, this one is just 
as soft and easy as it can be. [She rocks back and forth for 
a few moments, then slides out of chair, down onto the floor, 
tipping chair over as she does so.] Oh, it broke! That is too 
bad. [Looks around.] I wonder where that door goes to. 
[She passes back of screen and goes into the smaller room.] 
My, how nice these beds look! I am very tired. I guess I 
must have walked Tout a hundred miles, trying to find the 
cows. Fll lie dowm just a few minutes. [Lies down on Papa 
Bear's bed.] Oh, this bed is just as hard as it can be ! [Lies 
on Mama Bear's bed.] This one is better, but it is hard, too. 
[Lies on Baby Bear's bed.] Oh, this is just as soft and cozy 
as a feather bed! [Shuts eyes and goes to sleep.] 

Enter the Three Bears into larger room 

Mama Bear. Now we must eat our porridge or it will soon 
be too cold. 

Baby Bear. Oh, Pm hungry! [Feels of his stomach.] 

Papa Bear. [Tastes of his porridge.] Somebody has been 
tasting my porridge. 

Mama Bear. [Tastes of her porridge.] Somebody has 
been tasting my porridge. 

Baby Bear. [Cries.] Oh, somebody has been tasting my 
porridge, and has eaten it all up! 


18 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


Mama Bear. Never mind, you shall have some more. Don’t 
cry. [She gets more porridge and puts it in his dish.] 

Papa Bear. This is good. 

Mama Bear. Mine is good, too. 

Baby Bear. Mine is, too. [They all eat, standing at the 
table, and smacking lips audibly .] 

Papa Bear. Now let us sit down and rest. 

Mama Bear. I am tired. 

Baby Bear. I am tired, too. [They go over to where the 
chairs are.] 

Papa Bear. [Sits in his chair.] Somebody has been sit¬ 
ting in my chair. 

Mama Bear. [Sits in her chair.] Somebody has been sit¬ 
ting in my chair. 

Baby Bear. [Cries loudly.] Oh, boo-hoo-hoo, somebody 
has been sitting in my chair, and has broken it, too. Boo- 
hoo-hoo ! 

Papa Bear. [Rises.] Never mind, I’ll fix it for yo.u. [He 
picks up chair, gives it a few whacks, pretending to fix it, then 
sets it down.] Now it is mended. [They all sit and rest. 
Baby Bear rocking himself back and forth rapidly.] 

Mama Bear. [After a pause, yawning.] I think it is time 
to go to bed. I feel sleepy. 

Papa Bear. Yes, I feel sleepy, too. 

Baby Bear. And so do I. [They pass back of the screen 
into the other room.] 

Papa Bear. Somebody has been lying in my bed and has 
mussed it all up. 

Mama Bear. Somebody has been lying on my bed, too, 
and has mussed it up. 

Baby Bear. [Clapping hands.] Somebody has been lying 
in my bed, too, and here she is. 


THE THREE BEARS 


19 


Mama Bear. [ Looks at Goldie Locks.] Isn’t she sweet? 
She looks like a little angel, with hair of gold. 

Papa Bear. [ Smacks his lips.] She will make good por¬ 
ridge. 

Baby Bear. Oh, I want her to play with. 

Goldie Locks. [Sits up quickly.] Oh, oh, oh, don’t kill 
me! [She jumps up and runs quickly off the stage.] 

Papa Bear. I wanted her for porridge. 

Baby Bear. Boo-hoo-hoo-hoo! I wanted her to play with. 

Enter Father and Brother in other room 

Father. [Calls.] Hello! Hello! Is there any one at 
home ? [Bears run out into other room.] What! Bears! 
[Points his gun at them.] 

Papa Bear. Don’t shoot! We won’t hurt you. [Baby 
Bear hides behind his mother.] 

Father. Have you seen anything of my little girl, Goldie 
Locks ? She went after the cows and must have lost her way 
in the woods. 

Brother. [Raises his gun.] If you ate her up I am going 
to kill all of you. 

Papa Bear. We didn’t eat her. She went to sleep on our 
bed. 

Father. [Raises his gun.] Are you sure you did no harm 
to her? 

Mama Bear. No, no, we didn’t hurt her. She left about two 
minutes ago. You will find her running down the road. 

Baby Bear. She steeped on my little bed. 

Father. All right, we’ll go and find her. Thank you. 

[Father and Brother hurry out.] 


CURTAIN 



BEAUTY AND THE BEAST 


FOR FOUR GIRLS AND TWO BOYS 


CHARACTERS 


Beauty 

Almira 

Elvira 


the Merchant’s 
daughters 


Merchant 
The Fairy 
The Beast 


COSTUMES 


The two sisters wear hair done up in stylish manner and have 
fancy dresses of light color, floor length. In the first scene 
Beauty w^ears a plain white dress, floor length; in Scene II she 
wears a colored work dress; in the last scenes she w^ears a very 
fancy dress of pretty color. Beauty must be a very pretty child 
who will dress to look quite charming. The merchant wears busi¬ 
ness suit in first scene. In the other scenes he wears a cape and a 
turned-up felt hat. The Beast has a suit made of dark canton 
flannel that covers body, hands, and feet, with a hood over back of 
head, and wears a beast’s false face. In the last scene, as the 
prince, he dresses in short trousers of light color, long stockings, 
slippers, a ruffled shirt-front and a fancy coat of some bright- 
colored sateen or cambric. 

Scene I—The Merchant’s Failure—On the Lawn 

Stage may be arranged to represent out-of-doors or it may 
merely be bare. 

Discovered , Beauty and her Sisters 

Almira. I wish father would come. I need some money. 

Elvira. Do not get all he has. I must have some for a 
new dress. 


20 


BEAUTY AND THE BEAST 


21 


Beauty. Father is coming now. [She goes forward to 
meet him.] 

Enter the Merchant 

Almira. What is the matter, father ? Why do you look so 
downcast ? 

Elvira. I hope you haven’t bad news. I hate troubles. 

Merchant. Oh, my children, I have just received word 
that my fortune has been swept away. We are ruined. [Covers 
face with hands and groans .] 

Almira. How dreadful! You might have been more 
careful. 

Elvira. I should say so! What will we do for fine clothes 
now? 

Beauty. [Puts hand on Father's shoulder .] Do not 
grieve, dear father. We shall manage somehow. 

Merchant. We must move into a small cottage in the 
country, where I can work. 

Almira. I will not move into the stupid country! 

Elvira. I will not work and wear poor clothes ! 

Beauty. I will work for you, father dear. I am sure we 
can get along. 

Almira. What a poor-spirited girl you are, Beauty, to be 
content to take up such a dreadful life. 

Elvira. You might at least consider my feelings. 

Beauty. Dear sisters, all the crying in the world will not 
bring our fortune back. We may as well make the best of 
things and help father. 

Merchant. [Sadly.] Alas, alas ! that I have brought such 
trouble upon my family. [Weeps. Beauty comforts hint. 
The Two Sisters look very angry.] 


curtain 


22 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


Scene II—A Year Later 

Stage is meagerly furnished as a living-room. 

Discovered, the Merchant and the Two Sisters 

Merchant. I wonder where Beauty is. I want her to read 
to me. 

Enter Beauty with a letter 

Beauty. My work is all done. I arose early and made the 
fires, cleaned up the house, got breakfast, did the baking, and 
mended my sisters’ clothes. 

Merchant. My poor child, you work too hard. I wish 
your sisters would help you. 

Almira. Indeed, I’ll not work! It is bad enough to live 
in this place without working. 

Elvira. Those who are suited to such labor can do it, but 
not I. 

Beauty. Father, I have brought you a letter. 

Merchant. [Takes letter from her hand and reads it.] 
Oh, daughters, one of my ships I supposed was lost is 
found. We may have some money after all. I must go to 
the city at once to see about it. [Rises. Beauty brings 
his cape and hat, which he puts on.] 

Almira. Oh, now we can move back to town! 

Elvira. And have lots of fine clothes. 

Merchant. I hope so, my daughters. 

Almira. Father, bring me some new silk dresses and a 
string of fine pearls. 

Elvira. And bring me some diamonds, a satin gown and 
a velvet coat. 

Merchant. And what shall I bring you, Beauty? 

Beauty. Why, since you ask me, dear father, I should like 
you to bring me a rose, for no roses grow here. 


BEAUTY AND THE BEAST 


23 


Merchant. Now I must start on my journey. [The girls 
stand around him.'] 

CURTAIN 

Scene III—At the Beast’s Home 

The back of stage is arranged as a fine room, with a small 
table, on which are dishes and food. There are books, an easy 
chair, etc. At one corner, near front, are fastened some rose twigs 
with artificial roses on them. 

Discovered, the Merchant 

Merchant. Alas! my bad luck! Some men went to law 
about my ship and I am as poor now as when I left home. I 
was lost in the forest and nearly died of cold and hunger 
before I found my way here. I have seen no one since I came 
last night, but as supper was on the table, after I had warmed 
me I ate a good meal. Then I found a bed and had a fine 
rest. Now I must go home. [Goes by circuitous way down to 
rose bush.] Oh, I must pick one of these roses to take to 
Beauty ! [ Picks a rose. A great roar is heard off stage.] 

Enter thre Beast 

Beast. Ungrateful man! Is this the way you reward 
me? I saved your life by .letting you eat and sleep in my 
house, and now you steal the roses that I love more than any¬ 
thing else. You shall pay for this with your life. 

Merchant. [Kneels.] Forgive me, my lord. I did not think 
that you would care if I picked a few roses. I wanted to take 
them to my daughter, who asked me to bring her a rose. 

Beast. I am not a lord. I am a beast. Do not flatter me. 
But I will forgive you if one of your daughters will come here 
and die in your stead. Should she refuse, you must return in 
three months. 


24 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


Merchant. [Sorrow fullly.] Thank you, kind Beast. I 
will return. [Exit, very sadly.] 

curtain 

Scene IV—The Merchant’s Return 

If possible, leave back of stage arranged as for Beast’s home. 
Have a curtain in front of it, and in front of the curtain have a plain 
table and some chairs. 

Discovered , Beauty and her Sisters 

Almira. I wish father would come with my fine dresses. 

Elvira. I can scarcely wait till we go back to the city and 
can attend the balls again. 

Enter Merchant 

Beauty. Oh, dear father, how glad I am to see you. [Puts 
arms around him.] 

Almira. Did you buy all my fine things ? 

Elvira. Can we move to town right away ? 

Merchant. [Weeps.] Oh, my poor children, my poor 
children! 

Almira. I don’t believe he brought us a thing! 

Elvira. Oh, how terrible ! 

Beauty. What is the trouble, dear father? Tell us about 
it. 

Merchant. Alas! I spent the night in the palace of a 
Beast, and because I plucked a rose to bring to Beauty he is 
going to put me to death in three months. [Weeps.} 

Beauty. Oh, no, no ! Is there no way of escape ? 

Merchant. Not unless I send one of my daughters to die 
for me. 

Almira. Die for you ? Oh, not I! 


BEAUTY AND THE BEAST 


25 


ELvira. Indeed, nor will I! If Beauty had not asked for 
the rose, our poor father would not have to die. 

Beauty. Do not weep, father. I will die for you. I am 
not afraid. I will go to the Beast and you shall be saved. 

Merchant. No, no! I cannot let you. I’ll die when the 
time comes. 

Beauty. He may as well kill me as have me die of grief for 
you. I will go, so say no more. 

CURTAIN 

Scene V—Beauty Meets the Beast 

Scene, at the Beast’s home, as before. 

Enter Merchant and Beauty 

Merchant. Here we are, Beauty. [A roar is heard.'] The 
Beast is coming. 

Enter the Beast 

Beast. So you have come back to die? 

Merchant. Yes, I am ready. 

Beauty. He is not to die. I am going to die in his place. 

Beast. Did you come of your own free will? 

Beauty. Yes, Beast. 

Beast. Then I am obliged to you for your kindness. [Turn- 
ing to the Father.] As for you, go home to-morrow and 
never let me see you here again. 

Merchant. Oh, I cannot leave my Beauty here! 

Beauty. Yes, father dear, you must do as Beast says. 
Come. [She leads him from stage , weeping. Beast follows 
them off.] 

Beauty re-enters 

Beauty. [Looks about.] This is a beautiful place. Per- 


26 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


haps the Beast will not kill me right away. [Picks up a 
book.] Oh, what a pretty book! I wonder what is written 
here. [ Reads aloud] 

“Beauteous lady, dry your tears, 

Here’s no cause for sighs or fears; 

Command as freely as you may, 

For you command and I obey.” 


I think the Beast means to be kind to me. I shall try to be 
happy. 


Enter the Beast 


Beast. Do you mind if I visit with you while you eat, 
Beauty ? 

Beauty. [ Rather uneasily and in a trembling voice.] No-o, 
—not if you wish to do so. [She sits at table and eats.] Beast 
sits in easy chair.] 

Beast. [After a pause.] Do you think me very ugly, 
Beauty ? 

Beauty. [Speaking slowly and with hesitation.] Yes, but 
I think you are very good. 

Beast. I am very stupid, too. I am but a beast. 

Beauty. No, you are not stupid, for stupid people never 
know they are stupid. 

Beast. Thank you, Beauty. 

Beauty. You are so good that I almost forget you are ugly- 
looking. 

Beast. Beauty, will you marry me? 

Beauty. [Sadly.] No, Beast, I cannot. 

Beast. [Sadly.] Good-night, Beauty. [Exit.] 


curtain 


BEAUTY AND THE BEAST 


27 


Scene VI—Three Months Later 

Boom as in previous scene. 

Discovered , Beauty 

Beauty. I have been here three months, and the weeks have 
been quite happy ones. The Beast is very kind to me. 

Enter the Beast 

Beast. Have you spent a pleasant day, Beauty ? 

Beauty. Very pleasant, thank you, Beast. 

Beast. Will you marry me, Beauty? 

Beauty. No, Beast. You have asked me that every day 
since I came. It makes me sad to refuse you, but I cannot 
marry you. Please do not ask me again. I will always be your 
friend. 

Beast. [Sadly.] Oh, if I were not so ugly-looking! But, 
promise me you will never leave me. 

Beauty. Alas, if I could but see my father first! I fear 
he is dying of sorrow for me. Let me visit him, I pray you. 

Beast. If I let you go home for a week’s visit will you 
come back again, Beauty? 

Beauty. I promise you that I will come back in a week. 

Beast. Very well, you may go. But if you do not come 
back your poor Beast will die of grief. 

CURTAIN 

Scene VII—Beauty’s Return 

Beast’s home, as before. 

Discovered, Beauty 

Beauty. I have just returned from my visit. I stayed 
more than a week, because my sisters begged me to remain with 


28 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


them. I wonder where Beast is. I hope he does not care be¬ 
cause I broke my promise to him. [Calls.] Beast! Beast! 
I wonder where he can be. [ Comes down to front of stage by a 
circuitous route. At one corner of front have a couple of 
chairs covered with green cloth and branches of trees fastened 
to them, in imitation of a clump of bushes. Behind this bush 
the Beast lies concealed, wearing his costume as the Prince.] 
Oh, there is Beast upon the ground. He looks as if he were 
dying. [Hurries over to the bush, standing beside it.] Why, 
Beast, what is the matter ? Are you sick ? 

Beast. You did not keep your promise, Beauty. I was so 
sad to think that I had lost you that I could not eat. Now 
that you have come, I can die in peace. 

Beauty. No, dear Beast, you shall not die. I have come 
back. 

Beast. But you do not love me. I wish to die. 

Beauty. [Kneeling beside the bush.] Yes, I love you. You 
shall live to be my husband. [Rises.] 

Beast. [Rises and comes from behind bush as the 
Prince.] Oh, dear Beaut}', how can I thank you? 

Beauty. [Astonished.] But where is my poor Beast? 

Prince. You see him before you. A bad fairy said that I 
, should keep the form of a beast until some fair maiden was 
found who would love me in spite of my ugliness and 
ignorance. You alone, dear Beauty, judged me neither by my 
looks nor my talents, but by my heart. Take it then, and 
all that I have besides, for it is yours. [He offers her his arm 
and they walk to back of stage.] 

Enter the Fairy, dressed in white, and the Two Sisters 

Fairy. Beauty, you have chosen well, and yours is the re¬ 
ward, for a true heart is better than either good looks or clever 
brains. You shall be happy and honored all your life and 


BEAUTY AND THE BEAST 


29 


never want for an} r desire of your heart. The Prince and your 
father will ever be with you. [To the Sisters.] As for you, 
ladies, 1 know of your ill deeds, your unkind words, and your 
years of selfishness. You shall be punished for it all by having 
to look continually upon the happiness of your sister, Beauty. 
You shall stand as statues at the door of her palace until you 
have amended your faults, when you may resume your natural 
state. Yet I fear for you—you may remain statues forever. 
Farewell, Beauty, the Prince and his palace are yours. You 
need no greater fortune. 


CURTAIN 


THE SLEEPING BEAUTY 


The King 
The Queen 

Princess Bose, 
The Old Woman 


FOR ELEVEN GIRLS AND FOUR BOYS 


CHARACTERS 


The Prince 


The Seven Good Fairies 



their daughter , The Bad Fairy 

the Sleeping Beauty The Page 


A Workingman 


Act I—The King’s Palace 


The King and Queen are seated upon their throne. Let back of 
the throne be hung with a dark curtain, behind which the Seventh 
Good Fairy can hide. At the center of stage is a small crib, 
fancifully trimmed, in which is a large doll. The seven Good 
Fairies should be dressed in w 7 hite, hair flowing and fastened with 
white ribbon bands, and wear white paper or thin cloth wings. The 
Bad Fairy is dressed in black with a tall, peaked hat and face 
marked with black lines. For the golden plates use paper plates that 
have been covered with gilt paper. The page is a small boy, wear¬ 
ing short trousers, long stockings, slippers, a belted jacket and large 
white collar. 

Discovered King and Queen. 

King. Good Queen, we should be very happy to-day. For 
years our hearts were grieved because we had no child. Our 
royal home was desolate, and we envied our poor subjects their 
happy children. But now Fate has been kind to us and we 
rejoice over a beautiful baby daughter, the fairest little 
princess in the land. 

Queen. Yes, dear King, we are greatly blessed and our 
happiness is complete. Ah, here come our visitors. 

Enter Seven Good Fairies. 

King. Welcome, Fairies. Come with thy charms to the 

30 







THE SLEEPING BEAUTY 


31 


palace of the King, but we pray thee only happy enchant¬ 
ment to bring. 

Queen. Welcome, dear Fairies. We have invited you to 
the feast in honor of our dear little princess. We know you 
will love her. [Fairies all bow low.] 

King. Come, look at her as she lies asleep in her little crib. 
We have named her Hose. She is so like a little flower. [Fairies 
gather around crib.] 

First Fairy. Oh, how sweet. 

Second Fairy. Isn’t she cunning? 

Third Fairy. What a dear little mouth! 

Fourth Fairy. The little precious thing! 

Fairies. [ March around crib and sing :] 

Tune: May* 

The Fairies come with footsteps light, 

The Princess Eose to greet; 

Good wishes bring and omens bright, 

To make her life complete. 

Chorus: 

We come, we come, we come with merry greeting; 

We come, we come, the Princess fair to meet. 

Queen. Thank you, kind Fairies. And now let us sit 
down and enjoy our feast. I have a little surprise for each of 
you—a solid gold plate, beautifully engraved, in' honor of the 
occasion. 

[The Fairies sit, part on each side of King and Queen. 
Enter Page with gold plates. He gives one to each 
Fairy.] 

Fairies. Oh, how beautiful! [Exit Page.] 

* In Gems of Song, price, 35 cents, postpaid. 


32 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


King. You must keep them to remember our little Rose 

by. 

Fairies. Thank you, good King and Queen. 

Re-enter Page with cake, which he passes to Fairies. 

Queen. You must eat in honor of our fair Rose’s christen¬ 
ing. [ Exit Page.] 

Enter Bad Fairy. 

Bad Fairy. What does this mean? Why was not I, the 
oldest fairy in the kingdom, invited to this feast? Why am I 
slighted ? 

King. Indeed, Fairy, no slight was intended. It is so 
many years since we have heard of you that we supposed you 
were dead or no longer in the kingdom. 

Queen. We certainly should have invited you if we had 
known you were here. 

Bad Fairy. Where is my gold plate? You must give me 
one. 

Queen. I am very sorry, but there is none for you. I or¬ 
dered only seven made, as I supposed there were but seven 
fairies in the kingdom. Do not be angry, because it is all a 
mistake. 

Bad Fairy. Never in my life have I been so ill-used or in¬ 
sulted. I shall bring sorrow upon your royal household to pay 
for this. [She sits down by herself, muttering and shaking 
her head. One of the Good Fairies rises and softly hides 
behind the throne.'] 

First Fairy. Come, let us each give the dear little Princess 
Rose a gift in honor of her christening. [Six Good Fairies 
stand around the crib.] 

First Fairy. [Waves her wand.] You shall be as beauti¬ 
ful as a flower. 


THE SLEEPING BEAUTY 


33 


Second Fairy. [ Waves her wand.] You shall be kind and 
gracious to every one. 

Third Fairy. You shall be very wise and talented. 

Fourth Fairy. Every one shall admire and love you. 

Fifth Fairy. You shall never be sick or in want. 

Sixth Fairy. You shall sing as sweetly as a bird. 

Bad Fairy. [ Comes forward and shakes her head wicked¬ 
ly.] I, too, have a gift to bestow upon this child. I shall 
teach kings and queens to slight as noted a fairy as I am. My 
gift is this: On the day the princess is sixteen years old, she 
will pierce her finger upon a spindle and die, of the wound. 
She shall die—die—die! Ha, ha, ha! [ Vanishes from stage.] 

Queen. Oh, oh, my darling little Bose! Oh, King, what 
shall we do ? 

King. Alas, alas! I do not know. Kind Fairies, can you 
not help us ? Can you not remove this curse ? 

Seventh Fairy. [Steps from behind the throne.] Be 
of good cheer. King and Queen. Your daughter shall not so 
die. I feared the old fairy meant to work you ill, so I hid 
behind the throne. While I have not the power to entirely 
undo what my elder has done, I can change the bad fairy’s 
gift. You dear child shall not die when she is sixteen and 
pierces her finger upon the spindle, but she, and all with 
her in the palace, shall fall into a deep sleep. The sleep shall 
last a hundred years. At the end of that time a king’s son 
will come to wake the princess, and with her all will awake. 
Be comforted and do not grieve. [The Fairies pass out.] 

Queen. Ah me, ah, what sorrow! [Weeps.] 

King. Take heart, dear Queen. No harm shall come to 
our child, nor shall we have to sleep a hundred years, for I 
shall see that every spindle in the kingdom is destroyed and 
none is left to pierce the Princess Bose. 


34 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


Queen. A happy thought ! See that it is carried out, 
King. [ Exeunt.] 

CURTAIN 

Act II—Sixteen Years Later 

SCENE I 

Divide the back of stage into two rooms by hanging a curtain 
or placing a screen between them. The larger room is arranged as 
a parlor with easy chairs, etc., the other as a plain room where an 
old woman sits sewing. The King and Queen sit in the parlor read¬ 
ing. 

Enter the Princess Rose, charmingly dressed. 

Queen. [Rising.'] Good morning, my darling. How are 
you upon your birthday? 

Rose. Very well, dear mother, and very happy. 

King. [Rising.'] Many happy returns of the day, dear 
daughter. Here is a little present for you. [Gives her a small 
box.] 

Rose. [Opening the box.] Oh, a beautiful watch, set with 
diamonds! What a lovely gift, and just what I wished. I 
cannot thank you enough, dear father and mother. I am so 
pleased I must go and show it to my friends. [Exit.] 

Queen. [Sadly.] Oh, King, she is sixteen to-day. Do you 
remember ? What if anything should happen! 

King. Nothing can happen, my dear. Every spindle was 
destroyed. Do not worry. 

Queen. [Sighing.] I cannot help feeling very anxious. 

SCENE II 

The Bad Fairy enters the room of the Old Woman. 

Bad Fairy. Good dame, where is your spinning wheel ? Do 
you never use it? 



THE SLEEPING BEAUTY 


35 


Old Woman. I have not used it for years—not since the 
king had all the spindles in the kingdom destroyed. It is put 
away in another room. But I have not forgotten how to spin, I 
assure you. 

Bad Fairy. Well, I have brought you a spindle and I want 
you to get out your wheel and do some spinning for me. 
Make haste, for I am in a hurry and will soon return. [Hur¬ 
ries out.'] 

Old Woman. [Looks at the spindle.] I do not think 
the king would want me to use this, but I suppose I must obey 
the fairy. 

Enter Rose with her box. 

Rose. Oh, good Huldianna, I have come to show you my 
beautiful birthday gift. You know I am sixteen to-day. Is 
this not lovely? [Exhibits the watch.] 

Old Woman. It is very pretty, dear Princess, and it is a 
bonnie Rose who is to wear it. I trust you may have many 
happy returns of this day. 

Rose. Thank you, Huldianna. But what are you doing? 

Old Woman. I am about to do some spinning, my pretty 
child. 

Rose. But what have you in your hand? 

Old Woman. It is a spindle, Princess. Do not touch it. 
[Tries to put it behind her.] 

Rose. [Seizes it.] I want to see it. Oh, see, I pierced 
my finger upon it. [Runs into next room where King and 
Queen sit reading .] Oh, mother, I pierced my finger on a 
spindle and—oh, how sleepy I am! [Drops upon a couch at 
one side of room and falls asleep.] 

Enter Bad Fairy and dances about. 

Bad Fairy. Ha, ha, ha! Sleep, my pretty Rose. Sleep, 


36 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


King and Queen. Thus am I revenged for the slight shown 
me years ago. Ha, ha ! [Goes from room. King and Queen 
fall asleep.'] 

Enter the Good Fairies. 

Good Dairies. [Stand around the Princess, ivave their 
toands and sing , to the same tune as before:] 

1. Oh, slumber on in calm repose, 

Let naught disturb thy rest, 

For thou shalt wake as fresh, dear Rose, 

As flowers on thy breast. 

Chorus: 

Sleep on, sleep on, until the Prince shall wake thee; 

Sleep on, sleep on, to waken with a kiss. 

2. About the palace there shall grow 
A hedge of roses tall; 

That none thy resting place may know, 

Nor harm may thee befall. 

Chorus, as before. 

[As the Fairies finish the song , they pass slowly from room 
with heads bowed in sorrow.] 

Act III—One Hundred Years Later 

The back of the stage should be left as in the last scene, with the 
Old Woman asleep in one room and the King, Queen and Princess 
asleep in the other room. In front of these have a curtain with 
room in front of it to allow of a street scene. At the close of street 
scene the curtain is drawn and the rooms are revealed. 

Enter the Prince. 

Prince. [Looks around him.] I am in a strange country 
and know not which way to go. What a queer-looking hedge 


THE SLEEPING BEAUTY 


37 


yonder. I wonder what it can be or what it hides. Perhaps 
this stranger can tell me. 

Enter a Workingman at opposite side of stage. 

Prince. My good man, can you tell me what that queer¬ 
looking hedge is over there ? Methinks it is different from any¬ 
thing I have yet seen. Is it a fairy castle or does some great 
monster live there ? 

Man. Prince, more than fifty years ago I heard my father 
say that there was in that castle, hidden by the thicket, the 
most beautiful princess ever seen, that she was to sleep for a 
hundred years, and to be waked at last by a king’s son, who 
was to marry her. Whether this be true or not I cannot say for 
none dares try to go through the hedge. [ Exit .] 

Prince. Ah! I believe my trusty sword will take me 
through the thicket. Who knows but that I may be the one 
who is to awaken the fair princess. [He passes from, stage 
and curtain is drawn.} 

Enter Prince in room of Old Woman. 

Prince. Pardon me, madam, but can you tell me where 
—why, she is fast asleep! [He passes into room where 
King is.} Ah, I beg your pardon but can you tell me— 
why he is asleep, also. [Looks around and sees Princess on 
couch.} Oh, what a wonderful sight!—a maiden so fair that 
she would seem not to belong to this world. [Goes to her 
side, gazes at her, then kisses her. Princess sits up, rubs her 
eyes and smiles at him.} Oh, beautiful Princess, I love you. 
I cannot tell you how I love you. 

Princess. [Shyly.} Have you come, my Prince? I have 
waited long for you. 

Prince. [Takes her hand, helps her up and leads her over 
to the King, ivho wakes up and rubs his eyes, then stares 


38 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


at the Prince.] Your Highness, I have awakened the Sleep¬ 
ing Beauty. How, I pray you, give her to me. [Puts his 
arm around the Princess.] Tell me that I may make her my 
wife. 

Queen. [Wakes and comes fonvard.'] I think we may 
trust our sweet Rose to him. King. He looks as good as he is 
handsome. 

Enter the Good Fairies. 

Good Fairies. [Dancing gaily about the Prince and 
Princess as they sing, to the tune as before :] 

O, vanish thicket from the wall, 

The hundred years have passed; 

Awaken all within the hall, 

The Prince has come at last. 

Chorus: 

He came, he saw, and loved the charming Princess; 

He came, he saw, and woke her with a kiss. 

King. [To Queen.] My dear, I am very hungry after 
my long nap. Let us go and see if dinner is almost ready. 

Queen. Yes, we will all go. We must have a feast in honor 
of the good Prince. [Exeunt.~\ 


CURTAIN 



MOTHER GOOSE AND HER FLOCK 


FOR TEN BOYS AND TEN GIRLS 


CHARACTERS 


Simple Simon 
Boy Blue 
Knave of Hearts 
Jack and Jill 
Humpty Dumpty 
Jack Horner 
King Cole 

Bachelor and His Wife 
Tommy Tucker 


Bramble-Bush Man 
Mother Goose 
Cross Patch 
Queen of Hearts 
Mistress Mary 
Mother Hubbard 
Miss Muffet 
Bo-Peep 

Red Riding Hood 


COSTUMES 

Mother Goose: High pointed hat, tied under chin with wide 
strings; tight waist with ruffles; short skirt with a bright over¬ 
skirt; slippers with large bows; white kerchief about neck. 

Queen of Hearts: White dress, decorated with paper hearts. 

Knave of Hearts: Dark suit, decorated with bright hearts. 

Simple Simon: Bright sash about waist and a bright cap or 
hat. 

Bo-Peep: White dress, with pink or blue sash; large hat, trimmed 
with same color as sash; carries a crook. 

Humpty Dumpty: White cap, shaped like top of an egg; high 
white collar; white shirt front; dark suit; wide white belt. 

Mother Hubbard: Dong, loose wrapper; large bonnet, shawl, 
carries cane. 

Boy Blue: Blue collar and large blue tie; blue cap, blue stock¬ 
ings, slippers, light sujjt. 

Red Riding Hood: Long red cape with red hood. 

Mistress Mary: Hair done up on head, fancy gown of bright 
flowered cloth, floor length. 

Cross Patch: Black dress or mantle arranged from black 
shawl, and a black bonnet. 


39 


40 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


Miss Muffet: Short, dark dress, over-trimmed with bright yellow. 
Jill: Short dress and a large apron. 

" Bachelor : Stiff hat, dark suit, large white tie. 

Bachelor’s Wife: Very stylish outfit, long skirt, etc. 
Bramble-Bush Man: Very ragged suit, hair all tousled. 

Jack Horner: Red cap, red tie, and red sash tied at the side. 
King Cole: Stiff paper crown, covered with gilt paperj large 
purple cap, trimmed with bands of white on which are sewed 
splashes of black to represent ermine. 

Tommy Tucker and Jack: Ordinary suits. 

STAGE ARRANGEMENT 

At center of back have a large chair draped for Mother Goose. 
On either side of this one have chairs for the others, the number 
depending upon size of the stage. Have a small box in one 
corner for Jack Horner to sit on, and other chairs placed along 
the sides of the stage. If platform is small, some of characters may 
sit upon the floor on rugs. 

Discovered, Mother Goose, sitting in her chair. 
Mother Goose. 

Good evening, my friends. I am glad to see you to-day. 
But I’ve such a toothache I scarcely know what to sav. 
Fve sent for some of my children, thinking that they may. 
By some good luck or other, help drive the pain away. 

Pll entertain you somehow till some of them get here. 
Tho’ what I’ll say, my tooth aches so, isn’t very clear. 
Perhaps you’d like to have me, to pass away the time, 

If my tooth will let me, recite a Mother Goose rhyme. 

[She rubs her cheeJc with handkerchief , then comes for¬ 
ward to near front of stage and recites :] 

Hey diddle diddle, the cat’s in the fiddle, 

The cow jumped over Humpty Dumpty who sat on a wall; 
While Old Mother Hubbard has gone to the cupboard, 


MOTHER GOOSE AND HER FLOCK 


41 


And Bo-Peep can’t find her sheep at all. 

Simple Simon met a pieman selling pumpkin pies, 

He jumped into a bramble bush and scratched out both his 
eyes. 

Jack and Jill went up the hill to get some curds and whey, 
But Mistress Mary is so contrary she frightened Miss Muffet 
away. 

[She stops, makes a face, rubs her cheek, and says:] 

Somehow it seems as if I am not saying this just right, but 
my tooth aches so I can’t remember very well. 

Once there was a bachelor who lived by himself, 

The Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts and put them 
on a shelf. 

Little Boy Blue, come blow your horn. Cross Patch has 
jumped over the moon; 

The Knave of Hearts has stole the tarts, 

And King Cole has run off with the spoon. 

Little Timmy Tucker—little Tommy Tucker— 

Oh, dear, I just can’t remember my piece at all. It is not 
because I have stage fright—it is because my tooth aches so 
bad. I’ll start again and maybe I can remember it. 

Little Tommy Tucker. [In loud tone.] Little Tommy 
Tucker— 

[Tommy sits down at one side of stage.] 

Tommy. Were you calling me, Mother Goose? What do 
you wish? 

Mother Goose. I wish you to sing for your supper. 
Tommy. What shall I sing about? Jack and Jill? 
Mother Goose. [Crossly.] No, I don’t want to hear that. 
Jack and Jill have been going up the hill ever since I can 
remember and I am tired of it. 


42 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


Tommy. Shall I sing about Cross Patch? 

Mother Goose. No, I am cross enough myself with this 
awful toothache. 

Tommy. Shall I sing about Boy Blue ? 

Mother Goose. Yes, I guess so. [She returns to her 
chair.] 

Tommy. [Sings in loud voice.] Little Boy Blue, come 
blow your horn. 

Enter Boy Blue. 

Boy Blue. Who was calling me? Are the cows in the 
corn again? 

Tommy. [Crossly.] Now t you have spoiled my song. 

Boy Blue. Well, you spoiled my nap. I was under the 
haystack fast asleep, and your yelling woke me up. 

[Tommy sits down at one side of stage.] 

Mother Goose. Oh, my poor tooth! [Groans.] 

Boy Blue. I am sorry for you, Mother Goose. [He runs 
up and blows his horn very loud in her ear.] 

Mother Goose. [Jumps up and slaps him.] Why did you 
do that ? 

Boy Blue. I wanted to make you forget your toothache. 

Enter Jack and Jill. [Jack carries a pail.] 

Jill. What was that terrible noise? Jack and I were 
just going up the hill to get a pail of water, but that noise 
frightened us so that Jack fell down and broke his crown— 

Jack. And Jill came tumbling after. 

Boy Blue. [Laughs.] What became of the water? 

Jack. [Looks in pail.] Why, it is all gone! Say, Jill, 
where do you suppose that water went? 

Jill. Well, I came tumbling down after you and I sup- 


MOTHER GOOSE AND HER FLOCK 


43 


pose the water came tumbling down after me, but I didn’t 
wait to see. [Jack and Jill sit at side of stage.'] 

Enter Bo-Peep, crying. 

Boy Blue. What is the matter, Bo-Peep ? Why do you 
cry? 

Mother Goose. Have you got the toothache, too? I feel 
like crying, because mine aches so. [Groans.] 

Bo-Peep. 

Little Bo-Peep has lost her sheep. 

And don’t know where to find them. 

Jack and Jill. 

Leave them alone and they’ll come home, 

Wagging their tails behind them. 

Bo-Peep. 

Little Bo-Peep fell fast asleep, 

And dreamed she heard them bleating; 

But when she awoke it was all a joke— 

Only a dream so fleeting. 

[Cries again.] 

Boy Blue. Don’t cry, Bo-Peep. The cows are in the corn, 
too, but I am not worrying over it. 

Tommy Tucker. 

If little Bo-Peep took up her crook, 

Determined she would find them. 

She’d see them standing beside the brook, 

Wagging their tails behind them. 

Bo-Peep. Oh, then, I won’t worry about them. [Sits be¬ 
side Tommy Tucker.] 

Boy Blue. Your Baa-baas are all right. [Sits by Jack 
and Jill.] 


44 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


Enter Simple Simon, with a small pie. 

Mother Goose. Oh, dear, oh dear me! [Puts hands over 
face.'] 

Simple Simon. What is the matter. Mother Goose? Are 
you crying for some of my pie? 

Mother Goose. [Groans.] Oh, my terrible toothache! 

Simple Simon. Oh, say, eat a piece of my pie. Maybe 
it will cure your tooth. 

Others [except Mother Goose]. Oh, you Simple Simon. 
How silly! 

Simple Simon. Say, Mother Goose, there is a certain root 
that if you hold it in your hand it will cure the toothache. 

Mother Goose. What root is that? 

Simple Simon. Why, the root of the tooth that aches. 

Others [except Mother Goose]. Oh, you mean Simple 
Simon, to tease poor Mother Goose. 

Mother Goose. [Groans.] It aches just terrible! 

Boy Blue. I’ll make you forget it again. [He runs up 
and toots again several times in Mother Goose's ear. She 
jumps up and chases him around the stage, boxing his ears, 
then both sit. Simple Simon sits up a few seats from Mother 
Goose.] 

Enter Miss Muffet, with a bowl in her hand. 

Simple Simon. Hello, Miss Muffet. If you have some¬ 
thing good in that dish, I’ll trade you some of my pie for it. 
[He eats his pie.] 

Miss Muffet. I came over here to eat my dish of curds 
and whey, because there came a big spider and sat down beside 
’er, and frightened Miss Muffet away. 

Simple Simon. Oh, it is still after you! Here it comes. 
[A large spider made of black cloth with long legs of wire is 


MOTHER GOOSE AND HER FLOCK 


45 


fastened by a rubber cord to a metal ring. Stretch a wire 
across the stage about six feet above the floor, slipping the 
ring onto it before it is fastened. Tie a thread to the ring 
and some one behind the scenes at opposite side of stage can 
sloivly pull the spider onto stage in a very natural way. It 
must be fixed so it moves toivard Miss Muffet.] 

Miss Muffet. Oh, oh, oh, please don’t let it get me! 
[Screams.] 

Simple Simon. I’ll drive it off. [He and Tommy Tucker 
and Boy Blue get near it, waving their hands and crying, “Go 
’way ! Go ’way! Go ’way!” The spider moves slowly bach to 
side from which it came and disappears behind scenes, another 
thread, tied to ring, being pulled by some one at that side be¬ 
hind the scenes .] 

Mother Goose. [Groans.] Oh, my, my, my! 

Miss Muffet. Don’t be scared now, Mother Goose. It 
has gone. 

Mother Goose. Oh, I wasn’t groaning about the spider. 
It is my tooth. 

Others. [Together.] Poor Mother Goose! 

Miss Muffet. Can’t I do something for you, Mother 
Goose? Have you tried arnica on it? [She sits close to 
Mother Goose, one or two chairs being between them.] 

Boy Blue. Have you tried oil of cloves? 

Simple Simon. Have you tried laudanum? 

Jill. Have you tried hot flannels on your face? 

Bo-Peep. Have you tried Pain Killer? 

Tommy Tucker. Or Radway’s Ready Relief? 

Jack. Have you put red pepper on it? 

Mother Goose. Oh, I’ve tried seven different things, but 
nothing helps any. [Groans.] 

Enter Humpty Dumpty. 


46 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


Humpty Dumpty. What is the matter, Mother Goose? 
Why are you groaning? Did you fall off the wall, too? I 
had such a great fall that all the king’s horses and all the 
king’s men cannot put Humpty Dumpty together again. 

Jack. No, poor Mother Goose has the toothache. Can’t 
you help her, Humpty Dumpty? 

Humpty Dumpty. Well, if she would fall off the wall as 
hard as I did I think it would make her forget her toothache. 

Enter Cross Patch. 

Tommy Tucker. Hello, Cross Patch. 

Humpty Dumpty. Why are you here, Cross Patch? We 
do not like cross people. 

Miss Muefet. Go ’way, Cross Patch. Go sit by yourself 
and spin. Take a cup and drink it up and call the neigh¬ 
bors in. 

Cross Patch. I’ll be as cross as I please. I don’t like 
any of you. [Stamps her foot angrily.'] 

Mother Goose. Here, Cross Patch, you come sit by me. 
I am as cross as I can be, because my tooth aches so bad, and 
l am glad you are cross, too. [Cross Patch sits beside 
Mother Goose.] 

Humpty Dumpty. Then I’ll sit beside you. I, too, am 
very cross, because I tumbled off the wall and had a great fall. 
[He sits on other side of Mother Goose.] 

Enter Jack Horner. 

Miss Muffet. Why, Jack Horner! I thought you were 
sitting in the corner. Why did you leave it? 

Jack Horner. I wanted to show you the big plum I 
found in my Christmas pie. 

Miss Muffet. Well, where is it? 


MOTHER GOOSE AND HER FLOCK 47 

Jack Horner. Why, it looked so good that I ate it up 
before I got here. 

All. Oh, you greedy Jack Horner! Go back to your 
corner. [Jack goes and sits in the corner .] 

Enter Mistress Mary. 

Jack Horner. Hello, Mistress Mary, quite contrary; how 
does your garden grow? 

Jill. Why are you contrary, Mistress Mary? 

Mistress Mary. I am not going to tell. 

Jill. Well, be contrary, then. 

Jack Horner. How does your garden grow. Mistress 
Mary ? 

Mistress Mary. I am not going to tell you. 

Jack Horner. All right. Be contrary if you want to. 

Mother Goose. Maybe her tooth aches. Mine makes me 
feel real contrary, too, it aches so’ bad. [Mistress MARY r sits.] 

Enter Mother Hubbard with her dog. 

Mistress Mary. Old Mother Hubbard went to the cup¬ 
board to get her poor dog a bone. 

Jack Horner. Did she get it ? 

Mistress Mary. I am not going to tell you. 

Jack Horner. Well, be contrary, then. 

Bo-Peep. No, when she got there the cupboard was bare, 
and so the poor dog had none. [Mother Hubbard wipes her 
eyes.] 

Cross Patch. What ? s the matter, Mother Hubbard? Are 
you crying because your dog is hungry ? 

Mother Hubbard. No, but because I am hungry myself. 
The dog is not the only one who wanted a bone. [She si/s.] 

Simple Simon. Here, take some of my pie. [Gives her 
the plate with what is left of his pie.] 


48 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


Mother Hubbard. Thank you, Simple Simon. You are 
not so simple as you look. [She takes plate and eats pie.] 

Enter the Bramble-Bush Man. 

Cross Patch. Well, who in the world are you ? 

Bramble-Bush Man. I am the man in our town who was 
so wondrous wise he jumped into the bramble-bush and 
scratched out both his eyes. 

Mother Goose. Mercy! that must have hurt as bad as 
the toothache. 

Bo-Peep. Why, your eyes are not scratched out. You have 
them all right. 

Bramble-Bush Man. Yes, because after I scratched them 
out, I turned around and then I jumped back in the bramble- 
bush, and scratched them in again. See? 

Miss Muffet. We see your ragged clothes. Do you think 
you are going to stay here looking like that? 

Bramble-Bush Man. The bramble-bush tore them. 

Miss Muffet. I should think so. You look just horrid. 

Jack Horner. Come over here and sit in the corner with 
me, and folks won’t see you. 

Bramble-Bush Man. All right, thank you. [He sits be¬ 
side Jack Horner.] 

Mother Goose. Oh, my terrible toothache! [Groans.\ 

Bramble-Bush Man. Why don’t you jump into the bram¬ 
ble-bush and scratch it out ? 

Mother Goose. Oh, no, that would hurt worse than the 
ache! 

Enter the Queen and the Knave of Hearts, the Queen 
carrying a small plate with a few tarts on it. 

All. Hail to the Queen of Hearts. 

Queen of Hearts. Thank you. [Botvs.] The Queen of 


MOTHER GOOSE AND HER FLOCK 


49 


Hearts she made some tarts all on a summer’s day. [Knave 
fakes plate from her.] 

All. But the Knave of Hearts he stole those tarts and 
carried them away. [Knave eats the tarts.] 

Queen. Oh, you wicked Knave! Bring back my tarts. 

Girls. Shame, you wicked Knave! 

Boys. Give me one. Knave. 

Knave. [ Comes forward and kneels in front of the 
Queen.] Oh, Queen, I will give you my heart in exchange 
for your tarts. 

Queen. [ Slaps him.] No, indeed! You are a Knave. 
Now I shall have to make some more tarts. I brought those 
to give to Mother Goose. 

Mother Goose. [Groans.] Never mind. I could not eat 
them, my tooth aches so bad. 

Mother Hubbard. My dog and I could eat them. He 
likes tarts as well as he does bones. 

Enter Red Riding Hood. 

Knave. Well, who is this? 

Red Riding Hood. I am little Red Riding Hood. 

Knave. Why, you are not one of Mother Goose’s children! 
Why do you come here ? 

Red Riding Hood. I thought as I was going by I would 
stop to see if Mother Goose is well. 

Knave. No, she is not well. She has the toothache. 
[Mother Goose groans.] 

Knave. Are you going to see your grandmother ? 

Red Riding Hood. Why, don’t you remember the wolf 
ate her up ? [Cries.] 

Queen of Hearts. Don’t cry. Tell us about the bad wolf. 

Red Riding Hood. First he ate grandma up, and then he 
got in bed with her gown on. [Cries.] 


50 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


Cross Patch. And you said, “Why, grandmother, what 
big eyes you have !” 

Tommy Tucker. And the wolf said, “The better to see 
you, my dear.” 

Jill. And you said, “And, grandmother, what big ears 
you have!” 

Jack. And the wolf said, “The better to hear what you 
say, my dear.” 

Jack Horner. And you said, “Oh, grandmother, what a 
big nose you have!” 

Miss Muffet. And the wolf said, “The better to smell you, 
my dear.” 

Bo-Peep. Then you said, “But, grandmother, what big 
teeth you have!” 

All the Boys. And the wolf said, “The better to eat you 
up !” [ They all growl in a frightful manner .] 

Red Riding Hood. [. Putting hands over ears.] Oh, don’t! 
You make me think the wolf is after me now. 

Simple Simon. And didn’t the wolf eat you up ? 

Knave of Hearts. No, the wood-chopper rescued her and 
killed the wolf. [He and the Queen of Hearts sit.] 

Queen of Hearts. It was a very narrow escape. [Red 
Riding Hood sits.] 

Enter the Bachelor and his Wife, he wheeling her in a 
harrow. 

Bramble-Bush Man. Here comes a newly wedded couple 
in their handsome automobile. 

Humpty Dumpty. How many miles an hour do you 
travel? 

Bachelor. 

When I was a bachelor I lived by myself, 

And all the bread and cheese I got I put upon the shelf; 



MOTHER GOOSE AND HER FLOCK 


51 


The rats and the mice they led me such a life, 

I thought I’d go to the city and find me a wife. 
Bachelor's Wife. Oh, my sakes! Fm scared to death of 
rats and mice. Fm going back home to my mother. [ Jumps 
from wheel-barrow and starts for the side of stage.] 

Bachelor. [Catching her and bringing her bach to 
center of stage.] Well, I guess not, after I bought your 
ticket out here and have fed you on chocolate creams ever 
since we first met. Fll furnish you plenty of clubs to kill 
the rats and mice with. 

Bachelor's Wife. Oh, oh, I wont kill one! Fm afraid 
of them. 

Boy Blue. I’ll lend you my horn to scare them away 
with. [ Runs up and blows the horn loudly in her ear.] 
Bachelor's Wife. [ Slapping him.] You saucy boy! 
Mother Goose. Boy Blue, if you don’t behave I’ll send 
you to drive the cows out of the corn. Oh, my poor tooth! 
[ Groans. The Bachelor and his Wife siL] 

Enter King Cole. 

Queen of Hearts. [ Bowing and smiling.] How do you 
do, King Cole ? [ Shaking hands with him.] I’m very glad to 
see you. t 

Knave of Hearts. [ Stepping up to her angrily.] Here, 
don’t be so nice to him. He isn’t the only pebble. 

Queen of Hearts. [Crossly.] Go away, you bad tart- 
stealer. [They sit.] 

King Cole. [Sing-song.] 

Old King Cole was a merry old soul, 

And a merry old soul was he. 

[Dances across the stage and bach again.] 
Won’t you have a little dance with me, Mother Goose? 


52 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


Mother Goose. [Groaning.] Oh, I can’t, because of this 
miserable toothache. You must excuse me, King Cole. 

Bachelor. Say, King Cole, when you call for your pipe, 
please call for one for me, too. I haven’t had a smoke for 
two days. 

Bachelor's Wife. Why, you bad man, I didn’t know 
you smoked. I’m not going to allow you to do any such 
thing. It’s wrong to smoke. 

Bachelor. Oh, pshaw—now, that won’t hurt me. 

Bachelor's Wife. If you smoke I’ll go right home to 
mother. 

Bachelor. Maybe I can give it up. [Aside.] I’ll bet 
I was foolish to get married. 

Bramble-Bush Man. Any man is. Vm never going to 
get married. 

Cross Patch. Humph, who would want such a ragged 
fellow as you ? 

King Cole. Mother Goose, I am very sorry about your 
toothache. I wish you w r ould let me cure it for you. I have 
some medicine here that will stop the pain, I am sure. It 
is called Scatibus Quickibus, which is Latin for “Cure it 
instantly.” Won’t you try it? 

All the Others. Please try it, Mother Goose. 

Mother Goose. All right. [King Cole gives her a little 
bottle and she rubs some medicine on her face and 'puts some 
on her tooth.] Why, it feels better right away. 

King Cole. It’s good stuff. [Looks around the company.] 
Really, Mother Goose, it’s so long since I’ve seen your family 
together that I don’t know all of them. [He stands at center 
of stage and each one in turn comes to center and bows to 
him , then takes place in a ring until they are all standing in 
a circle around him. Each gives an introduction thus: I’m 


MOTHER GOOSE AND HER FLOCK 


53 


Mother Hubbard who went to the cupboard. I am Simple 
Simon who met the pieman. I am Cross Patch who sits by 
myself to spin. I am Boy Blue who blows the horn. We are 
Jack and Jill who went up the hill. I am Miss Muffet who 
sat on a tuffet. I am Humpty Dumpty who sat on the wall, 
etc. Mother Goose comes last and says, I am Mother Goose, 
who has to keep an eye on all these goslings. She stands in 
the center, next King Cole, then he leaves her there alone 
and talces his place in the circle with the others .] 

All. [ Join hands and dance around in a circle and sing :] 

Tune: Flag of the Free * 

Good old King Cole, the merry soul, 

Comes here to dance at our party to-day j 
Bold young Boy Blue, and Cross Patch, too, 

With many other fond gdslings so gay. 

Hail to our Mother, good Mother Goose, 

We’d sing her praise, but what is the use? 

For her dear name is writ in fame, 

All the world over, our good Mother Goose. 

At the close of the song all stop in a circle, Mother Goose 
still in the center. Then those at the front open the circle 
so that Mother Goose can step out, and she leads one line 
while King Cole leads the other, all the girls following Mother 
Goose and the boys following King Cole, thus: 



FRONT 


In Gems of Song, price, 35 cents, postpaid. 



54 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


As Mother Goose and King Cole meet at the center of the 
stage, they turn and march together up to the back of stage, 
the others following in couples. At the back of the stage 
they arrange quickly in tableau position. The Knave of 
Hearts, Mother Goose, King Cole and the Queen of Hearts 
sit in chairs at the back of stage; Mother Hubbard, Simple 
Simon, Mistress Mary, Bramble-Bush Man, Cross Patch and 
Tommy Tucker stand in a line behind those who sit; Humpty 
Dumptjr, Miss Muffet, Jack and Jill and Boy Blue kneel in 
front of those who sit; Bo-Peep, Jack Horner and Red Riding 
Hood sit on the floor in front of those who kneel; the 
Bachelor’s wife sits in the wheel-barrow at one corner of 
stage, near the front, and the Bachelor stands beside her. 
When all are in position, they sing again the song they sang 
while marching. If desired, bright light* can be thrown upon 
scene for a tableau. 

CURTAIN 


*Known as Tableau Light. May be procured from the publishers 
of this book. Is put up six candles of one color to a box, and may be 
had in Red, Green, White, Blue, Gold. Each candle burns long 
enough for one tableau. Price, per box, 30 cents, prepaid. 


HIAWATHA 


FOR EIGHT BOYS AND TWO GIRLS 


CHARACTERS 


Nokomis 

Iagoo 

Hiawatha* 

Mondamin 



Arrow-maker 

Minnehaha 


Scene I—Hiawatha’s Childhood 


Characters: Nokomis, Iagoo, and Hiawatha. The part of Hiawatha 
in this scene should be taken by as small a boy as can learn the lines. 

Costumes: Nokomis has black hair, done up in two braids and 
hanging to the front; face made up a yellowish-brown, with grease 
paint, and marked with black streaks to make it look wrinkled; moc¬ 
casins, and a bright blanket. Iagoo, a blanket and a band around 
his forehead, with some feathers in it. Hiawatha, a suit of tan 
cambric, the jacket trimmed with fringe cut from the cloth, and 
fringe down the outside seams of the trousers; a band of red cloth 
around his forehead. 

Stage Setting: Wood scene in background. A little back of 
center of stage have a small wigwam of poles and blankets. In front 
of the wigwam are spread fur rugs. 

Discovered , Nokomis and Hiawatha sitting on rugs. 
Nokomis. 


By the shores of Gitche Gumee, 


By the shining Big-Sea-Water, 

Stands our wigwam, Hiawatha. 

Dark behind it is the forest, 

With its black and gloomy pine-trees; 
Bright before it beats the water, 


* Three or four boys of various sizes are required for this part. 

55 


56 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


Beats the clear and sunny water, 

Beats the shining Big-Sea-Water. 

Here have I, the old Nokomis, 

Nursed you, little Hiawatha, 

Rocked you in your linden cradle, 

Bedded soft in moss and rushes; 

Stilled your fretful wail by saying, 
“Hush! the Naked Bear will get thee!” 
Lulled thee into slumber, singing, 
“Ewa-yea ! my little owlet! 

Who is this that lights the wigwam ? 

With his great eyes lights the wigwam? 
Ewa-yea ! my little owlet!” 

Hiawatha. 

Many wise things thou hast taught me. 
Of the stars that shine in heaven; 

Showed me Ishkoodah, the comet, 

Showed the Death-Dance of the spirits; 
Showed the broad, white road in heaven. 
Pathway of the ghosts, the shadows. 

I have heard the whispering pine-trees. 
Heard the lapping of the water. 

Seen the firefly, Wah-wah-taysee, 

Flitting through the dusk of evening. 
With the twinkle of its candle 
Lighting up the brakes and bushes. 
Nokomis. 

Canst thou sing the song of children. 

Sing the little song I taught thee ? 
Hiawatha. [ Chanting in a sing-song .] 
“Wah-wah-taysee, little firefly, 

Little, flitting, white-fire insect, 



HIAWATHA 


57 


Little, dancing, white-fire creature, 

Light me with your little candle, 

Ere upon my bed I lay me, 

Ere in sleep I close my eyelids!” 

Nokomis. 

Many things the woods have taught thee, 

Of the birds and all their secrets, 

How the beavers build their lodges, 

Where the squirrels hide their acorns, 

How the reindeer run so swiftly, 

Why the rabbit is so timid. 

Enter Iagoo, carrying a bow and some arrows. 

Kokomis. 

Welcome, Iagoo, story-teller. 

Hiawatha. 

Welcome, friend of old Nokomis. 

Iagoo. 

I bring a bow for Hiawatha. 

From a branch of ash I made it, 

From an oak-bough made the arrows, 

Tipped with flint, and winged with feathers, 

And the cord I made of deer-skin. 

[Gives bow to Hiawatha.] 

Go, my son, into the forest, 

Where the red deer herd together, 

Kill for us a famous roebuck, 

Kill for us a deer with antlers! 

[Hiawatha looks the bow over proudly, then walks slowly 
off, going by a circuitous path to the farthest corner of 
the stage, looking at the floor as if searching for tracks. 
He sits down upon the floor and gazes into the distance.] 


58 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


“Do not shoot ns, Hiawatha \” 

Sing the blue-bird and the robin; 

“Do not shoot us, Hiawatha!” 

Laughs the red squirrel from the oak-tree; 

While the rabbit from his pathwa}'. 

Says unto the little hunter, 

“Do not shoot me, Hiawatha !” 

But he neither heeds nor hears them, 

For his thoughts are with the red deer, 

And as one in slumber walks he. 

Hiawatha. 

Here.Fll wait until the deer comes. 

[Excitedly J] 

How I see two antlers lifted. 

See two eyes look from the thicket. 

See two nostrils point to windward. 

Ah, my heart within me flutters, 

Like the trembling leaves above me. 

[He rises upon one knee, takes steady aim and shoots an 
arrow. He looks and listens for an instant , then jumps 
up excitedly .] 

Ah! the singing, fatal arrow, 

Like a wasp it buzzed and stung him! 

[He runs back to Nokomis and Iagoo.] 

Dead he lies out in the forest, 

Beats his timid heart no longer. 

From the ford across the river, 

I will bring the red deer homeward. 

Nokomis. 

From the red deer’s hide, oh, brave one, 

I will make a warm cloak for you. 




HIAWATHA 


59 


Iagoo. 

From the red deer’s flesh, oh, hunter, 

We will hold a banquet for thee; 

All the village shall be feasted, 

And call you Strong-Heart, Soan-ge-taha! 

CURTAIN 


Scene II—Hiawatha’s Fasting 

Characters: Hiawatha, Nokomis, and Mondamin. 

Costumes: Nokomis, as before. Hiawatha must be a larger boy 
than the one who took the part in first scene. Quite a tall boy 
should be chosen for this part. He wears a tan jacket with no sleeves, 
and has his arms bared to the shoulders; has a blanket about him, 
but takes it off before his wrestling; tan trousers, trimmed with cloth 
fringe; wears no feathers, but has a wig (made by sewing very 
narrow strings of black cloth onto a small circular foundation, which 
can be made to fit the head by the use of a rubber cord around the 
edge, and making two braids of hair of the strands of cloth) ; face 
made up. Mondamin wears a long, narrow robe of yellow cloth, a 
ruffle of green about the neck, and a green cap fastened on with 
rubber cord, the cap having plumes of green paper standing up at 
one side. 


Discovered , Hiawatha slowly and solemnly moving about 

stage. 

Hiawatha. 

See the deer start from the thicket, 

See the rabbit in his burrow, 

Hear the pheasant, Bena, drumming, 

Hear the squirrel, Adjidaumo, 

Rattling in his hoard of acorns, 

See the pigeon, the Omeme, 

Building nests among the pine-trees, 

And in flocks the wild geese, Wawa, 

Flying to the fen-lands northward. 


60 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


[j Stretching himself out upon robes, despondingly .] 
Master of Life, Master of Life! 

Must our lives depend on these things? 

[Hiawatha half uses, and looks long and carefully about.] 
Must we depend upon the wild rice, 

Upon the berries of the vines? 

Must we depend upon the fish 

To give us health and strength and life? 

Enter Mondamin and looks at Hiawatha. 

Mondamin. [Slowly and with emotion.] 

0, my Hiaw r atha! 

All your prayers are heard in heaven, 

For you pray not like the others; 

Not for greater skill in hunting. 

Not for greater craft in fishing, 

Not for triumph in the battle, 

But for profit of the people, 

For advantage of the nations. 

From the Master of Life descending, 

I, the friend of man, Mondamin, 

Come to warn you and instruct you, 

How to struggle and by labor 

You shall gain what you have prayed for. 

Rise up from your bed of branches, 

Rise, 0 youth, and wrestle with me! 

[Hiawatha rises and they wrestle, slowly and deliberately, 
seemingly using a lot of strength, but neither able to 
down the other. This play occupies several minutes.] 
’Tis enough, 0 Hiawatha! 

[They cease wrestling.] 

But to-morrow when the sun sets, 

I will come again to try you. 


HIAWATHA 


61 


[He passes out and Hiawatha lies down again.] 
Enter Nokomis with basket of food. 

Nokomis. 

Take some food, 0 Hiawatha! 

Lest thy hunger shall overcome thee; 

Lest thy fasting shall be fatal. 

Seven days thou now hast fasted, 

Rise and eat, 0 Hiawatha! 

Hiawatha. 

Not so, Nokomis. I must wait 
Till the darkness falls around us, 

Till the heron from the marshes, 

Tells us that the day is ended. 

[Nokomis goes out, weeping.] 

Enter Mondamin. 

Mondamin. 

Rise again, 0 Hiawatha! 

Bravely have you wrestled with me, 

And the Master of Life who sees us, 

He will give to you the triumph. 

? Tis the last day of your conflict, 

*Tis the last day of your fasting. 

You will conquer and overcome me; 

Make a bed for me to lie in, 

Where the rain may fall upon me, 

Where the sun may come and warm me; 

Lay me in the earth, and make it 
Soft and loose and light above me. 

Let no hand disturb my slumber, 

Let no weed nor worm molest me, 

Let not Kahgahgee, the raven, 

Come to haunt me and molest me. 


62 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


Only come yourself to watch me, 

Till I wake, and start, and quicken. 

Till I leap into the sunshine. 

[They wrestle as before, then suddenly Mondamin falls as 
if dead and Hiawatha lays him straight and covers 
him with a black cloth.] 

Enter Nokomis. 

Hiawatha. 

In this grave I’ve placed Mondamin, 

And before the summer’s ended. 

Here shall rise and grow the corn, 

Grow the maize in all its beaut}'. 

And, still later, when the Autumn 
Change the long green leaves to yellow, 

And the soft and juicy kernels 
Grow like wampum hard and yellow, 

Then the ripened ears we’ll gather, 

Give the first feast of Mondamin, 

And make known unto the people 
This new gift of the Great Spirit. 

CURTAIN 

Scene III—Hiawatha’s Wooing 

Characters: Hiawatha, Nokomis, the Arrow-maker, and Minne¬ 
haha. 

Stage Setting: At one side of stage have the wigwam of the 
Arrow-maker, concealed by a curtain. At the other end of the stage 
Nokomis and Hiawatha sit on rugs. Hiawatha wears a head-dress 
of feathers. 

Discovered , Hiawatha and Nokomis. 

Hiawatha. 

As unto the bow the cord is, 


HIAWATHA 


63 


So unto the man is woman, 

Though she bends him, she obeys him, 
Though she draws him, yet she follows. 
Useless each without the other. 
Nokomis. 

Wed a maiden of your people, 

Go not eastward, go not westward. 

For a stranger, whom we know not! 
Bring not here an idle maiden. 

Hands unskillful, feet unwilling; 

Bring a wife with nimble fingers, 

Heart and hand that move together. 
Feet that run on willing errands! 
Hiawatha. 

In the land of the Dacotahs 
Lives the Arrow-makeFs daughter, 
Minnehaha, Laughing Water, 
Handsomest of all the women. 

I will bring her to your wigwam, 

She shall run upon your errands, 

Be your starlight, moonlight, firelight, 
Be the sunlight of my people! 

Nokomis. 

Bring not to my lodge a stranger 
From the land of the Dacotahs! 

Very fierce are the Dacotahs, 

Often is there war between us. 
Hiawatha. 

For that reason, if no other, 

I would wed the fair Dacotah, 

That our tribes might be united, 

And old wounds be healed forever. 


64 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


[Hiawatha and Nokomis pass from the stage, she shaking 
her head sadly. The curtain is drawn from the other 
part of stage, revealing the Arrow-maker and his 
Daughter.] 

Arrow-maker. 

I am thinking as I sit here, 

Making arrow-heads of jasper, 

Arrow-heads of chalcedony, 

Of the days when with such arrows, 

I did strike the deer and bison, 

On the Muskoday, the meadow; 

Thinking of the great war-parties, 

How they came to buy my arrows, 

Could not fight without my arrows. 

Ah, no more such noble warriors 
Can be found on earth as they were! 

Now the men are all like women, 

Only use their tongues for weapons! 

Enter Hiawatha at farther end of stage and comes forward. 
Minnehaha. 

In the woods I hear a footstep, 

Hear a rustling in the branches, 

And it tells me that a stranger 
Comes to tarry at our wigwam. 

[Hiawatha stands beside them.] 
Arrow-maker. [Rising and pointing to a seat on a rug.] 
Hiawatha, you are welcome! 

[They both sit.] 

Minnehaha. 

You are welcome, Hiawatha! 

[She rises and brings from the wigwam a bowl of food and 
sets it before them. They eat while she sits and works.] 


HIAWATHA 


65 


Hiawatha. 

After many years of warfare. 

There is peace between the 0 jib ways 
And the tribe of the Dacotahs. 

That this peace may last forever, 

And our hearts be more united, 

Give me as my wife this maiden, 

Minnehaha, Laughing Water, 

Loveliest of Dacotah women! 

Arrow-maker. [After a pause .'] 

Yes, if Minnehaha wishes; 

Let your heart speak, Minnehaha! 

Minnehaha. [Seating herself beside Hiawatha.] 

I will follow you, my husband! 

[They rise and walk slowly away, hand in hand, the Arrow- 
maker looking after them.] 

Arrow-maker. 

Thus it is our daughters leave us, 

Those we love, and those who love us! 

Just when they have learned to help us, 

When we are old and lean upon them, 

Comes a youth with flaunting feathers, 

Beckons to the fairest maiden, 

And she follows where he leads her, 

Leaving all things for the stranger! 

CURTAIN 

Scene IV—The Famine 

Characters: Nokomis, Hiawatha, Minnehaha, and the two guests, 
Famine and Fever. 

Stage Setting: At center of hack of stage have the wigwam with 
the front fastened back so the interior is revealed. All the floor of 


66 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


the wigwam is covered with rugs and furs. Another boy costumed 
for an older Hiawatha can take part in this scene. 

Discovered, Minnehaha and Hiawatha sitting by the door, 
and Nokomis sitting at bach of wigivam. 

Hiawatha. 

0, the cold and cruel Winter! 

Ever thicker, thicker, thicker, 

Freezes ice on lake and river; 

Ever deeper, deeper, deeper. 

Falls the snow o’er all the landscape. 

Hardly from his buried wigwam 
Can the hunter force a passage; 

With his mittens and his snow-shoes 
Cannot travel through the forest. 

0 the famine and the fever! 

0 the wailing of the children! 

0 the dnguish of the women! 

Enter two Guests, dressed in blach. They stop by Minne¬ 
haha. 

Fiest Guest. 

Behold me, Minnehaha! 

I am Famine, Bukadawin! 

Second Guest. 

Behold me, Minnehaha! 

I am Fever, Ahkosewin! 

[They pass into wigwam and sit. Minnehaha lies down 
and covers her face with her hands, shivering .] 
Hiawatha. [Wrapping a blanket about him.] 

Gitche Manito, the Mighty, 

Give your children food, 0 father! 

Give us food or we must perish! 


HIAWATHA 


Give me food for Minnehaha, 

For my dying Minnehaha! 

[He hurries from stage.'] 

Minnehaha. 

Hark! I think I hear a rushing, 

Hear a roaring and a rushing, 

Hear the Falls of Minnehaha 
Calling to me from a distance. 
Nokomis. 

No, my child, the sound you hear is 
Just the night-wind in the pine-trees! 
Minnehaha. 

Look! I think I see my father 
Standing lonely at his doorway, 
Beckoning to me from his wigwam 
In the land of the Dacotahs! 

[Half rises and points.] 

Nokomis. 

No, my child, thou art mistaken! 

? Tis the smoke that waves and beckons! 
Minnehaha. [Sitting up.] 

Ah! the hollow eyes of Pauguk 
Glare upon me in the darkness; 

I can feel his icy lingers 
Clasping mine amid the darkness! 
Hiawatha! Hiawatha! 

[Falls bach upon rugs.] 
Nokomis. [Rocking back and forth.] 
Wahonowin! Wahonowin! 

Would that I had perished for you, 
Would that I were dead as you are! 
Wahonowin! Wahonowin! 


68 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


[Enter Hiawatha, in haste. He sits dovm with a loud 
and covers his face with his hands.] 

Nokomis. 

Wrapped within her richest garments, 

We will bury Minnehaha; 

In the forest deep and darksome. 

In the snow a grave we*ll make her, 
Underneath the moaning hemlocks. 

Hiawatha. 

Farewell, 0 my Minnehaha! 

Farewell, 0 my Laughing Water! 

All my heart has perished with you, 

All my thoughts go onward with you! 

Come not back again to labor, 

Come not back again to suffer, 

Where the Famine and the Fever 
Wear the heart and waste the body. 

Soon my task will be completed, 

Soon your footsteps I shall follow 
To the Islands of the Blessed, 

To the Kingdom of Ponemah, 

To the Land of the Hereafter! 


CURTAIN 


PART II 


ORIGINAL PLAYS AND COMEDIES 









/ 





LITTLE HOUSEKEEPERS 


FOR FOUR LITTLE GIRLS 

CHARACTERS 

Mrs. Jones Mrs. White 
Mrs. Smith Mrs. West 

COSTUME 

Each girl wears a long dress, floor length, a large apron, and has 
hair done up high on head. 

STAGE ARRANGEMENT 

Have a small table on which Mrs. Jones irons* a couple of chairs, 
and at one side of stage a large doll in a little bed or cradle. 

Discovered , Mrs. Jones, ironing 

Mrs. Jones. Dear me, the children have tracked dirt onto 
my clean floor. I must sweep it up. [ Gets broom and tin 
and sweeps up ■floor.'] Now I must hurry with my ironing. 
[Begins to iron again.] It is quite shocking how many 
clothes it takes to keep my children neat. Oh, here comes 
Mrs. Smith. [A knock is heard.] I am glad my house is 
cleaned up. [ Goes to door.] Come in, Mrs. Smith. Take 
*this chair. [Gives her a chair.] 

Mrs. Smith. [Sitting.] I just ran over to see if I may 
borrow the pattern of Nellie’s dress. I want to make one 
for my Flora. I have so much sewing it sets me ’most crazy. 
With cooking and washing and ironing and tending babies it 
seems as if I do not get much time to sew. 

Mrs. Jones. Of course you may take the pattern. I will 
get it for you. [Gets pattern out of a box.] I am trying to 
get my ironing done before baby wakes up. [Irons.] 

71 


72 


PLATS AND COMEDIES 


Mrs. Smith. My children wear out clothes so fast that 
as soon as I finish one thing I must begin on another. Oh, 
here comes Mrs. White. [A knock is heard. Mrs. Jones 
goes to door.] 

Mrs. Jones. Come in, Mrs. White. How do you do! 
Take this chair. [Gives her a chair, then resumes her 
ironing.] 

Mrs. White. Good morning, Mrs. Smith. I 

can only stay a minute. I ran over to see if I may borrow 
your cake tin. I want to make a nice cake for supper because 
it is my husband’s birthday. 

Mrs. Jones. Of course you may take it. I’ll get it for 
you. [Gets the tin and gives it to her.] I baked a cake 
yesterday and I had just lovely luck. It was as light as a 
feather. 

Mrs. Smith. Half of the time my cakes fall, but I can 
make lovely bread. [A knock is heard. Mrs. Jones goes 
to door.] Come in, Mrs. West. I am glad to see you. 
Won’t you be seated ? [Brings chair.] 

Mrs. West. Good morning, Mrs. Smith. Good morning, 
Mrs. White. I must not sit down. I came over to see if you 
will let me have your recipe for making cough syrup. Poor 
little Tommy has such a cough I want to make some for him. 
He kept me awake half the night. 

Mrs. Jones. Of course you may take it. I will get it for 
you. [ Gets a paper with some writing on it and gives it to 
Mrs. West.] 

Mrs. Smith. What a lot of work women have to do. It is 
always wash and iron— 

Mrs. White. Or else cook and bake. 

Mrs. West. Or else tend the children. 

Mrs. Jones. Or else mend and sew. 


LITTLE HOUSEKEEPERS 


73 


All. [Standing in a line.'] 

Oh, busy housekeepers are we, are we! 

We wash and iron, and sew, and sweep, and bake; 
But though we are busy from morn until night. 

We love to do it for our children’s sake. 

Mrs. Jones. Oh, my dear baby has waked up! [ Goes to 
crib and takes up doll.] 

Mrs. Smith. Let me kiss the little dear. [ Takes doll 
and kisses it.] 

Mrs. White. I must have one, too. [ Takes doll and 
kisses it.] 

Mrs. West. Come, see me a minute, pet. [ Takes doll 
and kisses it.] 

Mrs. Smith. Oh, I must go. 

Mrs. White. And so must I. 

Mrs. West. And I, too. 

The Three. [Together.] Goodby, Mrs. Jones. 

Mrs. Jones. Goodby. Come again. [Exeunt, the callers.] 
Now baby must sit in the chair while mamma irons. [Puts 
doll on chair and begins to iron.] 


curtain 


THE DAYS OF LONG AGO 


FOR THREE LITTLE GIRLS 
CHARACTERS 

Grandma Wilson Grandma Dean 

Grandma Miller 

COSTUME 

Each little girl dresses as a grandmother: black gown of floor 
length, white kerchief about the neck, hair powdered, spectacles, and 
a black lace cap. 

STAGE ARRANGEMENT 

There should be several chairs, a small table with three cups and 
saucers, a tea-pot, and a plate of small cakes. 

Discovered, Grandma Wilson 

Grandma Wilson. 

My children often say to me, 

“One should not work at seventy-three;” 

But I’m not going to be laid by. 

Though seventy-three I still am spry. 

[She gets a dusting cloth from a bag on the wall, straightens 
all the chairs, makes the room neat, and dusts things, 
working with quick, bustling movements.'] 

Now everything is neat and clean, 

Not a speck of dust can be seen; 

I’ll sit me down and sew awhile— 

You know hem-stitching is quite the style. 

[She gets cloth from a ivorkbasket on the table, sits and pre¬ 
tends to hemstitch.] 

I’m lonely. How I do wish that 
Some friends would drop in for a chat; 

74 


THE DAYS OF LONG AGO 


75 


I still enjoy a visit, you see, 

Even though I am seventy-three. 

[She drops work and looks off side of stage as if gazing out 
of a window. Then she smiles and rises.] 

Some friends are coming up the walk— 

Now won’t we have a lovely talk? 

[A knock is heard and she goes to the door.] 

Come in, my dears. How do you do ? 

Very glad am I to see you. 

Enter Grandma Dean and Grandma Miller 

[Grandma Wilson shakes hands ivith each and the three sit 
down.] 

Grandma Dean. 

Sue’s gone off in the automobile; 

Mary’s out on her motor wheel; 

And as we were feeling somewhat blue 
We thought we would come for a chat with you. 
Grandma Wilson. 

I’m glad you did. I lonely grow 
For the days of fifty years ago, 

When girls could spin and weave and bake, 

And pounds of golden butter make. 

Grandma Miller. 

Women were happy then as queens, 

Without all these new-fangled machines; 

But when I say we did so-and-so, 

My grandchildren say, “My, you were slow!” 

[Sighs.] 

Grandma Dean. 

Sue’ll likely buy a big airship, 

And in the heavens take a trip; 


76 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


But give me the happy by-gone days 
When we traveled in our one-horse shays. 
Grandma Miller. 

Have you heard Sam Walker’s baby’s ill? 

It first had fever and then a chill; 

It needs some good, old-fashioned tea— 

These new-fangled medicines don’t suit me. 

Now I could cure that child, I know, 

Like I did mine fifty years ago; 

But if my views to Sam I’d state 
He’d laugh and say, “You are out of date.” 
Grandma Wilson. 

I’m sure you are thirsty. Please join me 
In drinking a nice fresh cup of tea, 

As we did in days so long since gone, 

When Polly put the kettle on. 

[She goes to table , pours cups of tea and serves .] 

These cakes I made from a recipe 
That my grandmother gave to me 
When I was but a little girl, 

With dresses short and hair in curl. 

[She passes small cqkcs.~\ 

Grandma Dean. 

This is very good, indeed. 

A cup of cheer is what we need 

To make grandmas feel young once more, 

As in the happy days of yore. 

[They all drink tea and eat cake .] 

Grandma Miller. 

I’m not as young as I used to be, 

So the rheumatism will trouble me 


THE DAYS OF LONG AGO 


77 


Unless I homeward take my way, 

So I shall have to say, “Good day.” 

All. [Each one holding her cup and saucer in the left 
hand, they stand up and sing “Auld Lang Syne.”] 

Should auld acquaintance be forgot, 

And never brought to mind ? 

The days of fifty years ago, 

The days of auld lang syne ? 

For auld lang syne, my dear, 

[Each lifts her cup with the right hand and takes a sip.] 

For auld lang syne; 

We’ll tak’ a cup o’ kindness yet, 

[Each takes another sip , smiling at the others.] 

For auld lang syne. 

[All looio and pass from stage, placing cups and saucers on 
the table as they go out.] 

V 


CURTAIN 


A TRAINED MENAGERIE 


FOR SEVEN BOYS 
CHARACTERS 

Clown Rat Rabbit Bear 

Dog Cat Lamb 

COSTUMES 

The Clown : Wears a clown suit of bright-colored calico, a close- 
fitting cap, has face powdered very white and a bright red spot on 
each cheek. 

The Six Animals: Wear tight-fitting waists, with sleeves that 
come over the hands like a mitten; trousers sewed to the waist, having 
feet attached; and close-fitting hoods that come down around the face, 
leaving only the mouth, eyes and nose exposed. They all have ears 
sewed to the hoods. The dog and cat have moderately long tails 
made of cloth, while the rat has a very long one. Tfi^ rat has a 
gray suit, the dog a black one, the bear a brown one, the rabbit and 
lamb, white suits, the cat a yellow one with black spots on it. 

STAGE ARRANGEMENT 

At one side of stage have large boxes for cages for the animals. 
There should be a stool and a chair. 

Discovered, the Clown. 

Clown. [Making several hows .] Ladies and gentlemen: 
I have a company of trained animals that I wish to show to 
you. They are wonderful. They not only perform, but they 
can sing and speak as well. I will first introduce my rat. 
[Calls.] Come Konko, come Konko. 

Enter, the Rat 

[Tie comes running in on all fours, runs across stage and 

7 8 


A TRAINED MENAGERIE 


79 


back, then comes to the center, sits up on hind legs and 
makes a bow.] 

Eat. I am the rat that ate the malt that lay in the house 
that Jack built. [ Stops and looks around cautiously.] 

Clown. What’s the matter? 

Eat. I’m afraid the cat will get after me. 

Clown. No, it won’t. Sing us a song. 

Eat. [Jumps up on the stool, sits up straight witlv hands 
folded and sings in a squeaky voice:] 

Tune : Down in Old Virginia * 

A happy little rat am I, 

Ta, ra, lo, ra, le, li; 

I like to nibble on the sly, 

Ta, ra, lo, ra, le, li. 

I like a bit of yellow cheese, 

A little cracker, if you please; 

I hope that you will give me these, 

Ta, ra, lo, ra, le, li. 

Clown. That was pretty good. Come, show the folks 
how you can jump over a stick, then you may have some 
cracker and cheese. [Eat jumps down from the 'stool, the 
Clown holds up a stick, the Eat jumps over it, then the 
Clown gives him a cracker and a piece of cheese.] 

Eat. [Bowing.] Thank you. [ Goes to back of stage 
and eats cracker and cheese.] 

Enter, the Cat 

Bat. E-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e. [Starts to run from stage.] 

Clown. Come back here, Konko. The cat won’t hurt 

*In The Primary Song Book, price, paper, 20 cents; boards, 30 
cents. 


80 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


you. [Rat comes bach.'] Come here. [Rat goes up to 
Clown.] Now I want you to say this, “I like nice pussy/’— 

Rat. [In squeaky voice.] I like nice pussy. 

Clown. “His coat is so warm”;— 

Rat. His coat is so warm. 

Clown. "And if I don’t hurt him,” 

Rat. And if I don’t hurt him. 

Clown. "He’ll do me no harm.” 

Rat. He’ll eat me up anyway. [ Returns quickly to back 
of stage and eats.] 

Cat. I can sing a song. [Makes a boiu and sings.] 

A nice old pussy cat am I, 

Ta, ra, lo, ra, le, li; 

Close by the fire I like to lie, 

Ta, ra, lo, ra, le, li. 

A dish of milk will keep me fat. 

But I’m a famous hunter cat. 

And well I love a juicy rat, 

Ta, ra, lo, ra, le, li. 

[Looks back at Rat.] 

Rat. [In great fright.] E-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e ! [Runs from 
stage.] 

. Clown. That was a good song, Mr. Cat. 

Cat. Now if you don’t mind I’ll take a nap. 

Clown. All right. [Cat curls up on floor at back of 
stage.] Now we will call the Rabbit in. [Whistles and 
Rabbit comes hopping onto stage.] Show these folks how 
fast you can hop. [Rabbit hops around the stage as fast as 
possible, comes to center, and makes a bow.] 

Rabbit. I can sing a song but my voice is not very sweet. 
[Sits down in the chair, puts one foot up over his knee and 
sings in a monotonous voice:] 


A TRAINED MENAGERIE 


81 


A nice, polite rabbit am I, 

Ta, ra, lo, ra, le, li; 

Out on the clover lawns I lie, 

Ta, ra, lo, ra, le, li. 

A cabbage patch fills me with glee, 

And carrots make good company— 

Why folks object I do not see, 

Ta, ra, lo, ra, le, li. 

Clown. That was fine. [Rabbit moves chair to back of 
stage, sits down and remains. Well, here comes our Lamb. 
Enter, the Lamb 

Lamb. [Comes to front and bows .] I am Mary’s little 
lamb. 

Mary had a little Ba-ba, 

With wool all the same white like snow, 

And every place that Mary wented, 

The lamb he all same hop along, too. 

[Puts foot up to eye and begins to cry, “Ba! ba! ba! ba!”~\ 
Clown. What are you crying about? 

Lamb. I’m crying because Mary has gone off to school 
and left me. Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba. 

Clown. Oh, never mind Mary. Sing us a song. 

Lamb. I’m such a mutton-head I can’t sing much, but 
I’ll try. 

Miss Mary’s little lamb am I, 

Ta, ra, lo, ra, le, li; 

To go to school with her I cry, 

Ta, ra, lo, ra, le, li. 

I’ll pull the wool all off my back, 

Take it to Mary in a pack, 

To make for her a nice warm sacque, 

Ta, ra, lo, ra, le, li. 


82 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


Clown. That was good. You’ll make quite a singer some 
day. 

Lamb. May I go outside where I can watch for Mary ? 

Clown. Yes, run along. [Lamb runs from stage crying, 
“Ba! la! ba!”] 

Enter, the Dog 

Dog. [In loud tone.] Bow-wow! wow, wow, wow, wow ! 

Clown. What are you barking at, Rover? 

Dog. Oh, I just want to wake up the cat. 

Cat. [Rousing up and arching lack.] Me-ow, me-ow, 
me-ow, ps-st! 

Clown. See here, you two, behave yourselves. We don t 
want a fight. [Cat lies down.] 

Dog. [Jumps up on the stool and sings:] 

A trusty old watch-dog am I, 

Ta, ra, lo, ra, le, li; 

I let no robbers bold come nigh, 

Ta, ra, lo, ra, le, li. 

Oh, I’m a fleet one in a race, 

I keep the cattle in their place, 

Don't you admire my honest face? 

Ta, ra, lo, ra, le, li. 

Clown. Now I want you to show folks how you can jump 
through a hoop. [He brings a large hoop, covered with thin 
paper, and holds it up. The Dog runs and jumps through it 
in an awkivard manner, aiming to make it humorous rather 
than skillful. As he goes through the hoop onto the floor, 
he turns a somersault and then sits up and says, “Bow-wow- 
wow!”] Oh, I know what you are teasing for now—a piece 
of candy. [He gives him a piece of candy and the dog goes 
and lies down at back of stage.] 

Enter, the Bear 


A TRAINED MENAGERIE 


83 


Bear. I think it is time that I got a chance to sing my 
song. I have a fine bass voice. 

Clown. All right, let ns hear you sing, Mr. Bear. 

Rabbit. If you’ll excuse me I think I’ll have to go. I 
never was fond of being near bears. 

Dog. Stay where you are. I’ll protect you. Bow-wow- 

hVOW-WOW-WOW ! 

Bear. [To Dog.] What are you making all that noise 
for ? 

Dog. That means I’m anxious to hear you sing. 

Bear. You keep still or I’ll eat you up. [Sings, very 
gruff voice:] 

A great big, old brown Bear am I, 

Ta, ra, lo, ra, le, li; 

When I get mad the fur doth fly, 

Ta, ra, lo, ra, le, li. 

I am not scared of anything, 

The hunters brave just make me grin, 

If you want trouble just pitch in, 

Ta, ra, lo, ra, le, li. 

Ur-r-r-r-r-r-h-h-h-h-h-h! 

[Looks around as he growls.] 

Dog. I don’t want to fight you, dear Mr. Bear. 

Clown. Now t , Mr. Bear, you better dance on the stool for 
folks. [The Bear gets up on the stool and dances, lifting 
feet up high each time and turning round and round as he 
dances.] That is very good. 

Bear. Now I’d like to have each one of you join me in a 
dance. Let’s all join hands and circle to the left. [The 
Lamb reenters.] 

Rat. [Running onto the stage.] No, I’m afraid of the 
cat. 


84 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


Cat. [To Eat.] Fll let you alone if the dog lets me 
alone. 

Dog. [To Cat.] I’ll let you alone if the Bear lets me 
alone. 

Bear. Yes, we will all be friends. Come on. [The 
Clown steps in the center and the others all join hands and 
dance around in a circle in a humorous manner, some talcing 
long, slow steps, others short, quick ones; some stepping high, 
and all nodding their heads in time. Then the Clown 
stands at side of stage and each one in passing off runs and 
jumps over a stick he holds up, except the Bear, who is last. 
He lies down and rolls under it.'] 

Clown. [To audience:] I am sure you have enjoyed my 
trained animals. Now I must go and feed them as a reward 
for their fine performance. [Bows and passes off.] 


CURTAIN. 


PLAYING SCHOOL 


FOR FIVE BOYS AND FIVE GIRLS 


CHARACTERS 


Nellie Nora 

Susie Fred 

Laura Jack 

Bessie 


Harry 

Tom 

James 


Discovered , All standing in group 


Nellie. Oh, let’s play school. 

Susie. Yes, I will be the teacher. 

Jack. I will be superintendent. 

Susie. All right. Children, take your seats. [Jack goes 
from the stage. The Children sit down in chairs .] You 
must be very good, little children, for the superintendent is 
coming to visit the school. 

Fred. What is the superintendent? Is it an animal that 
eats up children ? 

Susie. No, the superintendent likes children when they 
are good. 

Harry. And when children are bad, does he make them 
into soup? Is that why they call him the sowp-in-tendent? 

Laura. I don’t want to be made into soup. I don’t! 

Susie. Well, be good then. 

Tom. [Waving hand and snapping fingers.'] Teacher, 

may I get a drink ? 

Susie. No, not in school time. 

Bessie. Teacher, may we sing “My Country, ’Tis of 
Thee”? 

Susie. Yes, you may. [They all sing, some fast and some 


85 


86 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


slow, some high and some low. James sings in gruff voice as 
if he had a cold .] James, don^t sing that way. 

James. I’ve caught cold and got a frog in my throat, so 
it makes me croak. [Pupils laugh. ] 

Susie. Children, be good. [A knock is heard. Susie 
goes to door and admits Jack, who has put on a stiff hat, a 
long coat and a jpair of glasses.] Come in, Mr. Superin¬ 
tendent. Will you have a chair? 

Jack. No, I have come to see if your pupils know any¬ 
thing. I will examine them in arithmetic first. [To Nora :] 
If there are three hundred peas in a gill, how many peas are 
there in a pint ? 

Nora. I—I guess about a million. 

Fred. About a thousand. 

Jack. No, only one. P-i-n-t. Don’t you see there is 
only one p ? 

Tom. [Waving hand and snapping fingers.] Teacher, 
may I get a drink? 

Susie. I told you No. 

Jack. [To Harry:] What is the "difference between a 
dollar bill and a silver quarter? 

Harry. One is paper and the other is silver. 

Nellie. One is round and the other is oblong. 

Jack. The difference between a dollar and a quarter is 
seventy-five cents. You are not very good in arithmetic. 
[To Tom:] If a shovel and a pair of tongs come to three 
dollars, what will a ton of coal come to ? 

Tom. Eight dollars. 

Jack. No, my boy. A ton of coal will come to ashes. 
[To Bessie:] On which side of a schoolhouse should, a 
maple tree be planted ? 

Bessie. On the east. 

Laura. No, on the west side. 


PLAYING SCHOOL 


87 


Fred. On the south side. 

Jack. Wrong, all of you! It should be planted on the 
outside. 

Tom. [Waving hand and snapping fingers.'] Teacher, 
may! get a drink? 

Susie. 1 told you No! Why do you keep asking? 

Tom. Because “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try 
again.” [Pupils all laugh.] 

Jack. [To Susie:] Madam, I fear your pupils do not 
know much. I will try them in spelling. [To James:] 
You may spell Italian. 

James. D-a-g-o, dago. 

Jack. I did not say dago —I said Italian. 

James. Well, it means the same, and dago is easier. 

Jack. [To Laura:] You may spell ogre. 

Laura. I don’t dare. 

Jack. Why not? 

Laura. Because it begins with o-g and my mama does not 
allow me to say “Oh,- gee!” 

Jack. I will examine you in physiology. [To Fred:] 
Why is the ankle placed between the knee and the foot? 

Fred. Why, why, I guess—because—I don’t know why! 

Jack. Who can tell? What? No one knows! [To 
Susie :] Do you know why it is ? 

Susie. L—I—no, I don’t know. 

Jack. You are a great teacher! The ankle is between the 
knee and the foot so the calf can’t get at the corn. Well, I 
think I have found out, madam, that your pupils are very 
dull. I bid you good afternoon. [Bows and passes off.] 

Fred. I don’t like that superintendent a bit. 

Nellie. Neither do I. Let’s go and play tag. 

Others. All right. [All hurry from stage.] 


THE LOST POCKETBOOK 


FOR THREE BOYS AND TWO GIRLS 

CHARACTERS 

Grandma Brown Sam 
Miss Williams Will 

Ted 


COSTUMES 

Grandma Brown is dressed as a poor old woman: calico dress, 
plain bonnet and old shawl. Miss Williams is dressed as a stylish 
young lady: pretty gown, floor length, nice wrap, and a large hat. 
The three boys w r ear ordinary suits. 

STAGE ARRANGEMENT 

At right corner of back of stage have a bench, made by placing 
three chairs side by side. Some branches may be used if desired, to 
give an out-of-doors effect. 

Enter Grandma Brown 

Grandma Brown. [Entering at the left corner of front.] 
I feel real tired after my walk. I’ll just sit down here in the 
park and rest awhile. [She drops her pocketbook at corner 
of front , then walks slowly over to the seat at hack of stage 
and sits.] I’ll see what the paper says. [She takes spec¬ 
tacles out of her pocket , puts them on and begins to read a 
newspaper luhich she carried in her hand.] 

Enter Will, Ted, and Sam 

Sam. [J.s they enter at left of front.] Oh, here is a 
pocketbook some one has lost. 

Ted. I wonder whose it may be. 

8S 


THE LOST POCKETBOOK 


89 


Will. There is an old lady over there. [ Points to 
Grandma Brown.] Maybe it is hers. 

Sam. I wonder if there is anything in it. [Opens pocket- 
book.'] Here is a fifty-cent piece. 

Ted. Oh, goody! Now we can have some candy and pea¬ 
nuts and lots of good things. 

Will. Why, the money isn’t ours. We can’t spend it. 

Sam. Well, we found it and I guess we can keep it. No 
one will know about it. 

Ted. Sure! We don’t know whose it is. 

Will. We know it is not ours and we must try to find 
the owner. I’d rather be honest than to have a bushel of 
candy and.peanuts. 

Sam. Oh, pshaw! 

Ted. You’re silly ! Come on to the store and have a treat. 

Will. No, boys. Let’s do what is right. That old 
woman looks poor. Maybe it is hers and is all the money she 
has. Let’s go and ask her. 

Sam. Maybe we better. 

Ted. I say, let’s spend it. I’m hungry for candy. 

Will. We do not want to steal. Come, and we’ll ask the 
old lady about it. [They go over to where Grandma Brown 
sits reading. Ted follows behind, looking very cross.] 

Sam. Good afternoon, ma’am. 

Grandma Brown. [Looking up quickly from her paper.] 
What ? My, you scared me! How d’ye do ? 

Sam. We found this pocketbook and we thought it might 
be yours. 

Grandma Brown. [Taking pocketbook and looking at it.] 
Why, yes, it is mine. [Feels in her pocket.] Yes, mine is 
gone. I didn’t know I lost it. [Opens pocketbook.] Yes, 
here is my fifty-cent piece. 


90 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


Sam. I am glad we found it for you. 

Grandma Brown. My, you don’t know how thankful I am 
to get it back. I live in the next town and this fifty cents is 
all I have to buy my ticket home. I can’t thank you enough 
for bringing it back to me. 

Will. We don’t want any thanks, ma’am. 

Grandma Brown. Now, some boys would not have tried to 
find the owner, but would have spent the fifty cents for candy 
or something like that. I’m glad you boys are so honest. 
I’m sure you’ll grow up into good men. 

Enter Miss Williams 

Miss Williams. [ Entering at right side of stage and 
stopping by Grandma Brown.] Why, I declare, if this isn’t 
Mrs. Brown. I have not seen you for over three years. 
[Shakes hands with Grandma.] I should not expect to find 
you in our town. I am glad to see you. Are you well ? 

Grandma Brown. Yes, real well, Miss Ethel. My rlieu- 
matiz bothers me some, but I get along splendid for an old 
woman. I was coming over to see you, but I was so tired I 
sat down to rest a few minutes. And, what do you think? 
I lost my pocketbook with all my money in it and these boys 
found it for me. Weren’t they good to bring it to me ? 

Miss Williams. [Smiling at the boys.] Yes, indeed! I 
call that honest. I am glad they did not go and spend it for 
something. 

Will. And so are we. We are glad that Mrs. Brown has 
it again. 

Ted. At first I wanted to buy candy with it, but now I am 
awful glad we didn’t. 

Miss Williams. You will find out that it always pays to 
be honest and do what is right. [To Grandma Brown:] 


THE LOST POCKETBOOK 


91 


Come, now, with me and we will go home. Mother will be 
glad to see you. 

Grandma Brown. I do wish I had some of our nice apples, 
or some of my good cookies to give these boys for their kind¬ 
ness. 

Miss Williams. Oh, I'll tell you. I made some ice cream 
and a dish of candy this morning, just for fun. I was won¬ 
dering who would help eat it. We will take the boys along 
and give them a treat. 

Will. Oh, no! We don’t want anything. We only did 
what we ought to have done. 

Miss Williams. Yes, indeed ! You just come right along 
with us. Mrs. Brown is an old friend of mine and I want to 
treat you for being nice to her. Come on. 

Sam. Thank you. We will come.' 

Ted. Say, I call this splendid! [Miss Williams takes 
Grandma's arm and they go off , followed by the boys.] 


curtain 


OLD UNCLE RAT GIVES HIS CONSENT 


FOR TWO BOYS AND A GIRL 
CHARACTERS 

Mr. Mouse Miss Mousie 

Uncle Rat 

COSTUMES 

Each one wears long stockings, made of gray canton flannel, mit¬ 
tens with long wrists of the same material, and close-fitting hood that 
comes onto face, leaving only eyes, nose and mouth exposed. Onto 
the hood are sewed ears. 

Uncle Rat wears a dark coat and large, long trousers with a long 
tail made of dark cloth sewed to the back of them. 

Mr. Mouse wears a high collar of stiff white paper, a large bright 
necktie, light coat and trousers with a long cloth tail fastened to the 
back, and a little stiff hat set jauntily on between his ears. The hat 
can be made of stiff paper, covered with black cloth, and should be 
.kept in place by a rubber cord. He carries a cane. 

Miss Mousie wears a bright colored dress that comes to within a 
foot of the floor. A long dark cloth tail hangs from below her skirt 
in the back. She should have a sash and bright collar. None of them 
wears anything on feet except the canton flannel stoekings. 

STAGE ARRANGEMENT 

Arrange as for a sitting room, with small table, a rocking chair, 
two chairs, etc. Miss Mousie sits in the rocker, sewing on a coat. 

Discovered, Miss Mousie 

Mr. Mouse. [Entering.] 

Fair Miss Mousie, are you in, are you in? 

By your leave Fll sit awhile and watch you spin. 

Miss Mousie. [Rising and bowing.] 

My spinning is all done, my wheel is put away, 

92 


OLD UNCLE RAT GIVES HIS CONSENT 


93 


But you are quite welcome, Mr. Mouse, to stay. 

[<She motions him to a chair and both si/.] 

Mr. Mouse. 

And what are you a-making, Miss Mousie, my dear? 
You will prick your pretty fingers if you sew so fast, I 
fear. 

Miss Mousie. 

Fm sewing on a coat for good old Uncle Eat; 

Fll go call him in, so you can have a chat. 

Mr. Mouse. 

Not so, Miss Mousie. 1 do not wish you to. 

Because I have called to have a talk with you. 

Miss Mousie. [Shyly.] 

You’re very kind. This is a pleasant day— 

I mean, it looks like rain, so the neighbors say. 

Mr. Mous'e. 

Your teeth are white, your eyes are bright, your fur 
very neat; 

I love you, dear Miss Mousie, because you are so sweet. 
Miss Mousie. [In confusion.] 

Oh, no! I mean, thank you. I scarce know what to say, 
Because I’m so surprised to have you talk this way. 

Mr. Mouse. [Kneeling in front of her.] 

So I have called to-day, Miss Shining Eyes, to see 
If I cannot persuade you, my dear, to marry me. 

Miss Mousie. [Bashfully.] 

Although you’re very kind, I cannot promise that, 

Unless you get permission from my Uncle Eat. 

Mr. Mouse. [Rising.] 

“Faint heart wins not fair lady,” so the poets say; 

Call him and 1*11 proceed to ask him right away. 

[Miss Mousie leaves stage and returns with Uncle Eat.] 


94 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


Me. Mouse. 

How do you do, Sir Rat? [Bows low.'] 

Uncle Rat. [Gruffly.] 

How-do-do. [Curt bow.] 

Miss Mousie. 

Sit down, good Uncle Rat. [They all sit.] 

Mr. Mouse. [With much embarrassment.] 

I called to see, to tell—to ask you, if I may— 

Don’t you think, Sir Rat, this is a lovely day ? 

Uncle Rat. 

Nice day? Fiddlesticks! To me it’s very plain, 

Foolish Mr. Mouse, that it is going to rain. 

Mr. Mouse. 

Yes, I think so, too,—I mean, I called to see 
If you will consent to let Miss Mousie marry me. 

Uncle Rat. [Crossly.] 

Marry you! How foolish ! [To Miss Mousie :] Young 
lady, do you wish 

To be tied for life to a foolish dude like this? 

[Points scornfully to Mr. Mouse.] 

Miss Mousie. [Angrily.] 

Shame on you, Uncle Rat! I think he’s very nice; 

I’m sure he is the finest of all the brave young Mice. 
Uncle Rat. 

Oh, if you feel like that, then wed him right away; 

If it’s a case of love, I’ve nothing more to say. 

We’ll have a splendid wedding, with ev’rything complete; 
A hundred pounds of crackers and lots of cheese to eat. 
We’ll go make arrangements and tell the folks right away; 
If you two will be foolish, I’ve nothing more to say. 
[Marches from stage in stately manner. Mr. Mouse gives his 
arm to Miss Mousie and they follow , smiling at each 
other.] 


WHEN WE ARE WOMEN 


FOR NINE LITTLE GIRLS 
CHARACTERS 

Nell Mary Four Other Girls 

Bessie Dorothy Fairy 

Discovered, Four Little Girls, each with a book, studying. 

Nell. Isn’t it lovely to be a grown-up lady? I wish I 
were one now—with long dresses and my hair all done up in 
puffs. How happy I would be! 

Bessie. And I, too. I am just tired of being a little girl 
and having to help with the dishes and go to school. 

Mary. How I’d love to have a dress with a long train and 
go to parties like big sister, Evelyn. I can’t w r ait till I’m 
grown up. 

Dorothy. When I’m a lady I am going to earn money 
and have lots of nice things, and travel, like Aunt Stella. I 
don’t like to study. 

Nell. Oh, let’s each one tell what we are going to do 
when we grow up. 

Others. Oh, yes, let’s tell ! [ They put down their books , 

come forward and stand at the center of the stage. As they 
take their places Four More Girls enter at back of stage 
and come down to center. Two pass to each end of the line 
of four , and all stand eight abreast. They then sing :\ 

Tune: Life Ts What We Make It* 

Come, let us tell what we shall do 
When we are grown-up ladies; 

'"In Gems of Song, price, 35 cents. 

95 


96 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


What work we’ll do when childhood’s through 
And we are grown-up ladies. 

Oh, we are tired of being small, 

We wish the years would hurry; 

We want to grow up smart and tall,— 

We wish the years would hurry. 

First Girl. [Speaks.] 

A clever dressmaker I shall be, 

And all the ladies will come to me 
When they find out I can make them look 
Like the pictures in a fashion book, 

When I am a woman. 

[To the next girl:] 

What are you going to do ? 

Second Girl. 

When I am a woman it is my plan 
To be a milliner, if I can; 

And folks will come for many a mile 
To see my hats of wonderful style, 

When I am a woman. 

[To the next girl:] 

What are you going to do ? 

Third Girl. 

I think that a teacher I shall be, 

And all the children must mind me; 

If I find that scolding does not do, 

Why, then, I shall have to whip them, too. 
When I am a woman. 

[To the next girl:] 

What are you going to do ? 

Fourth Girl. 

Well, a noted artist I shall be, 


WHEN WE A EE WOMEN 


97 


Painting pictures of the land and sea; 
Such artistic skill I shall acquire 
That the world my pictures will admire. 
When I am a woman. 

[To the next girl:] 

What are you going to do ? 

Fifth Girl. 

I am going to be an actress fine, 

And behind the footlights I shall shine; 
The world will loudly applaud, I know, 
When I play Juliet with Romeo, 

When I am a woman. 

[To the next girl:] 

What are you going to do ? 

Sixth Girl. 

When I’m a woman, ’twill be my delight 
Thrilling novels and stories to write; 

I am sure you’ll all be proud of me 
As a noted author I rise to be, 

When I am a woman. 

[To the next girl:] 

What are you going to do ? 

Seventh Girl. 

I shall be a musician and play 
So sweetly I’ll drive your cares away; 

My fingers shall dance as fast as light 
Over the keys of black and white, 

When I am a woman. 

[To the next girl:] 

What are you going to do ? 

Eighth Girl. 

When I am big I think ’twill suit me 


98 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


A scientific housekeeper to be; 

Fll sweep and dust, and iron, and bake 
Bread, cookies, and pies, and chocolate cake, 

When I am a woman. 

All. [Sing, tune as before :\ 

We want to go out in the world, 

And fill our station in it; 

Oh, there is fame awaiting us, 

And we shall surely win it. 

When we dream of the work we’ll do, 

It sets us in a flurry; 

We’re very anxious to grow up— 

We wish the years would hurry. 

First Girl. I wish we were not little girls, 

Second Girl. But were grown-up ladies now; 

Third Girl. And each of us could go to work, 
Fourth Girl. Instead of having to learn how. 

Fifth Girl. I wish that we were through with school, 

Sixth Girl. And all its tiresome study; 

Seventh Girl. When we are grown-up ladies, then, 
Eighth Girl. Oh, then, we’ll be somebody! 

Enter the Fairy 


[A girl dressed in long, white gown, hair flowing, a gilt crown 
and a gilt wand. She comes forward and looks at girls 
as they finish speaking.] 

Fairy t . Oh, you foolish children! You do not know what 
you are saying. Childhood is the happiest and best time of 
life and you ought to be glad that you are little girls, with 
nothing to trouble you. 

Oh, the happy, sunny days of childhood, 

Enjoy.their pleasures while you may; 


WHEN WE ARE WOMEN 


99 


For the years will bring you trials and sorrows, 

And burdens come when youth slips away. 

[To First Girl :] 

What did you say you wish to be? 

First Girl. I wish to be a dressmaker. 

Fairy. And how the ladies will scold. you when their 
dresses do not fit just to suit them! [To Second Girl:] 
What do you wish to be? 

Second Girl. I wish to be a milliner. 

Fairy. And how you will worry when all your hats do 
not sell! [To Third Girl:] What do you wish to be? 

Third Girl. I wish to be a teacher. 

Fairy. Dear me, how tired you’ll get when the children 
are cross, and naughty, and won’t learn their lessons! No 
matter what work you do in life you will find that there are 
many troubles and much to worry you. Often you will 
dream of the happy days of childhood when you could live 
the long hours through with nothing at all to bother you. 
You will wish you were little girls once more, playing with 
your dolls and learning your simple lessons. Shall I touch 
you each with my wand and change you into grown-up 
ladies? Do you really wish me to? [Pause.'] 

Fourth Girl. No, dear fairy, I believe I would rather 
stay young as long as I can. I am not in a hurry to 
grow up. 

Other Girls. Neither am I. We wish to be happy chil- 
• dren. 

Fairy. You have chosen wisely. Enjoy the hours as 
they pass, but never wish them away, nor long to grow up 
faster than you must. 

“Happy hearts and happy faces. 

Happy play in grassy places— 


100 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


That was how, in ancient ages, 
Children grew to kings and sages/’ 
All Girls. [ Sing :] 

Tune: As before 

We’re glad that we are little girls, 
Instead of grown-up ladies; 

We will not sigh for time to fly. 

So we can be big ladies. 

We’ll be as happy as we can. 

And wish not for to-morrow; 

For troubles come when we grow up. 
And life has much of sorrow. 


CURTAIN 


WHEN WE ARE GROWN UP 


FOR TWELVE BOYS 

Eleven of the boys enter in single file, march around the stage 
and then form in a semicircle across center of stage and speak. 

Boy at One End of the Line. Oh, how I do long to 
grow up! Scarcely can I wait for the dragging years to pass, 
until I shall be a man, prepared to do my part in the world's 
great field of action. 

Boy at the Other End of Line. Nor I! How splendid 
it will be to have passed the years of learning and be able to 
fill a man’s place as a skilled worker. 

All of the Boys. 

Ah, me, the years of childhood pass so slow! 

Why can they not a little faster go ? 

Impatiently we’re waiting till we grow! 

When we are men, strong men, we’re going to show 
The world what we can do and what we know. 

When we are men, ah then, ah then, 

We’ll prove to you what we can do, 

When we are men! 

First Boy. 

When I’m a man I think ’twill be fine 
To be a farmer and feed the swine; 

To milk the cows, to plant and sow, 

To husk golden corn, to reap and mow. 

[To the next hoy:'] 

Don’t you think so? 

101 


102 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


Second Boy. 

No, a business life will best suit me, 

So a hustling merchant I shall be; 

Fll weigh out sugar, and measure lace, 
And wait on ladies with charming grace. 
[To the next boy:'] 

Won't you, too? 


Third Boy. 

No. When Fm a man Fm planning to be 
A navigator and sail the sea; 

I shall visit ev’ry distant shore, 

Searching for unknown lands to explore. 
[To the next boy:] 

Won’t you, too ? 


Fourth Boy. 

No. My mind’s made up from A to Z, 
An architect and builder to be; 

I’ll put up anything from a home 
To a grand cathedral with arching dome. 
[To the next boy:] 

Won’t you, too? 

Fifth Boy. 


No, sir! It looks inviting to me 
A clever astronomer to be; 

I’ll study the skies, discover new stars, 
And find if folks are living on Mars. 
[To the next boy:] 

Won’t you, too ? 

Sixth Boy. 

No, I have made up my mind for sure 
To be a doctor, your ills to cure; 

If you’ve fever, broken heart, or gout, 


WHEN WE ARE GROWN UP 


103 


Send for me and Fll straighten you out. 

[To the next boy:] 

Won’t you, too? 

Seventh Boy. 

No. If my heart’s desire can rule 
I’ll be a professor in some fine school; 

I’ll deal out knowledge with lavish hand 
Unto aspiring youths of our land. 

[To the next boy:] 

Won’t you, too? 

Eighth Boy. 

No. I shall be a prospector bold, 

Go to the mountains and hunt for gold; 

And then in some gulch or rocky ditch 
Perhaps some day I’ll strike it rich. 

[To the next boy:] 

Will you go, too? 

Ninth Boy. 

No. The work that most appeals to me 
Is that I a minister may be; 

I shall devoutly exhort and pray, 

And point bad folks to the better way. 

[To the next boy:] 

Won’t you, too ? 

Tenth Boy. 

No, sir, because to me it is clear 
I must be a civil engineer; 

I’ll build great railroads and bridges fine 
That will cause my name with fame to shine. 
[To the next boy:] 

Won’t you, too? 


104 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


Eleventh Boy. 

No, sir, for I shall be, if you please, 

A noted lawyer and make fine pleas; 

Am I'm sure that no one will blame me 
If I sometimes ask a generous fee. 

All the Boys. 

The years drag by. ’Tis hard, so hard to wait 
Until we shall have grown to man’s estate. 

We long to be at work and play our part 

With a man’s strong will and a man’s brave heart. 

When we are men, ah then, ah then, 

We will prove to you what we can do, 

When we are men! 

Enter the Sage 

[A hoy dressed in black mantle and cap and having long 
white hair . He walks with the aid of a cane.] 

First Boy. [To the Sage:] 

Sir, canst thou not with guiding hand 

Point the way to Manhood, in Grown-up Land? 

I want to get there soon as I can, 

For I’m very anxious to be a man. 

Sage. Oh, eager youth, do not hurry away the years of 
life. Enjoy the hours of childhood while you may. The only 
road to Manhood is by the path of “To-day” and every day 
brings with it its lessons and its duties. I suppose each one 
of you is looking forward to doing some important work 
in life. 

First Boy. I shall be a farmer. 

Second Boy. I shall be a hustling merchant. 

Third Boy. I shall be a navigator. 

Fourth Boy. I shall be an architect. 


WHEN WE ARE GROWN UP 


105 


Fifth Boy. I shall be an astronomer. 

Sixth Boy. I shall be a doctor. 

Seventh Boy. I shall be a professor. 

Eighth Boy. I am going to be a miner. 

Ninth Boy. I shall be a minister. 

Tenth Boy. And I shall be a civil engineer. 

Eleventh Boy. While I shall be a lawyer. 

Sage. Good! I am glad you are all planning to take up 
some noble work. But remember this: During the years of 
youth, while you are preparing for manhood, you must grow 
in character as well as in mind and body. A man should be 
good, and true, and upright, as well as a skillful worker. As 
you pass along the years that lead to manhood, seek to develop 
the following traits of character: Be faithful to all thy 
duties. 

All the Boys. We will be faithful. 

Sage. Be diligent in study and at thy work. 

Boys. We will be diligent. 

Sage. Have courage to do what is right. 

Boys. We will be courageous. 

Sage. Be patient and do not fret. 

Boys. We will be patient. 

Sage. Be thoughtful of others. 

Boys. We will be thoughtful. 

Sage. Persevere and do not give up in the face of dif¬ 
ficulties. 

Boys. We will persevere. 

Sage. Be cheerful, for a cheerful heart is like medicine. 

Boys. We will be cheerful. 

Sage. Be honest, for honesty is the best policy. 

Boys. We will be honest. 

Sage. Be truthful, for lying lips are an abomination to 
the Lord. 


106 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


Boys. We will be truthful. 

Sage. Do unto others as thou wouldst that they should do 
unto you. 

Boys. We will keep the Golden Rule. 

Sage. Good! Now remember that it takes years and years 
of training to develop these traits and fit you for life’s work. 
Therefore, do not sigh for the future, but improve each day 
so that it shall bring you nearer the coveted goal of well- 
developed manhood. Keep your mind upon your work and 
study, and, lo, before you realize it, you shall have reached 
Grown-up Land and be ready for the duties of life. 

Boys. 

We will not wish the hours away, 

But we will strive to learn each day 

Our lessons; and the duties do 

That make us skilled, and wise, and true, 

Ready at last to play our part 

With man’s strong will, and man’s brave heart, 

When we are men! 

Sage. [Clapping his hands together.'] Good, Good ! 
Boys. [All sing.] 

Tune: Do It Right Away A 
We’ll not wish the hours away, 

But our work will do; 

Playing well our part each day, 

Living right and true. 

Chorus: 

Living, living, well our part; 

Doing right and shunning wrong, 

So when we are grown to men 
We’ll be wise and strong. 

*In Gems of Song, price, 35 cents. 


WHEN WE ARE GROWN UP 


107 


The Sage leads and the line passes in single file to the 
center of front, where the Sage turns to the right, the next 
boy to the left, third boy to the right, fourth to the 
left, etc. Pass to corners of front, up sides and meet at center 
of back. Form couples and march down the center of the 
stage in couples, then once around the stage and off. If 
desired boys may repeat the verse and ohorus as they are 
marching. 


CURTAIN 


THE FRIDAY AFTERNOON PROGRAM 


FOR SIX BOYS AND SIX GIRLS 

CHARACTERS AND COSTUMES 

One girl dresses as teacher, with hair done high on head, long skirt 
of floor length, glasses, etc. The other children dress in odd, old- 
fashioned clothes to look as funny as possible. The pupils sit in a 
row at back of stage, while the teacher has a desk or table at one side. 

Teacher. Children, we are now to give our monthly 
entertainment. All sit up and be good. [ They all sit very 
prim, with hands folded .] John Jones, your face is dirty. 
Go and wash it at once. You can’t speak pieces with a dirty 
face. 

John. Please, teacher, this isn’t dirt, it is ink. Sister 
Sally was writing a letter to her fellow and when I tried to 
see it she put ink on me. It won’t come off. 

Teacher. Oh, all right! We will now have an address 
of welcome by William Watkins. 

William. [Holds a corner of his coat in each hand and 
twists it as he speaks very rapidly.'] 

We welcome you, my friends, to-day, 

And hope you’ll like the things we say; 

’Tis hard for children of our size 
To stand up here before your eyes, 

But that task we will undertake 
If you’ll excuse the mistakes we make. 

We welcome you, my friends, to-day; 

You’re welcome as the flowers in May, 

108 


THE FRIDAY AFTERNOON PROGRAM 


109 


But children of our tender age 
Cannot do much upon the stage, 

So you must each one lenient be 
And excuse the mistakes you see. 

[Makes an awkivard bow and sits.] 
Teacher. You spoke that too fast. 

William. I was in a hurry to get through. 

Teacher. We will now sing our Welcome song, [The 
pupils stand up in a rote to sing. Each makes a how at differ¬ 
ent time, some bowing low and others slightly .] 

Pupils. [Sing.] 

Tune: Yankee Doodle 

We welcome you unto our school. 

We’re going to speak and sing some; 

Although we’ll try to do our best 
We’re scared ’most stiff and dumb, dumb. 

Chorus: 

Welcome, welcome, one and all. 

We’re bashful, so excuse us; 

And if we make a few mistakes 
Please do not abuse us. 

[Each one boivs and site.] 
Teacher. Joseph Barton, you may read your composition. 
Joseph. [Reading in a sing-song tone.] 

GIRLS. 

There are many kinds of girls. Some are fat and some 
are pretty, and some are cross and some have red hair, but 
most all kinds of them are horrid. 

Emma. [Pointing finger at him.] Shame on you to 
write that! 

Mary. I am not horrid ! 


110 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


Rose. Neither am I horrid. 

Teacher. Girls, be still. Joseph, you ought not to write 
what is not true. 

Joseph. Well, I think it is true. [ Reads .] Girls have 
two feet, but they cannot run fast like boys can. Girls have 
two hands, but they cannot play ball like boys can. Girls 
are not good for much. Most of them do not like to wash 
dishes and that is bad of them. 

Rose. Well, boys do not like to wash their faces and that 
is worse. 

Joseph. [Reading.] Girls are very fond of hows. When 
they are young they like the big bows they wear on their hair 
and when they get bigger they like the kind of beaux that are 
called “fellows.” When I get big I shall not be any girl’s beau. 

Mary. Humph, smarty, no girl will want you!" 

Joseph. [Reading. ] Girls that are your sister are not 
so nice as other girls are. There has to be girls in the world 
so there can be women to keep house and cook for the men. 
I think the nicest kind of girls are those that are grown to 
be grandmas. When girls are little they have freckles on 
their faces, but when they get big they put powder on and 
cover them up. I do not like girls and that is all for this 
time. [Bows and talces his seat.'] 

Jennie. Teacher, that wasn’t a nice composition at all. 

Sarah. Girls are better than boys. [She makes a face 
at Joseph.] 

Teacher. [Rapping.] Be still. We will now have a piece 
by Henry Jenkins. 

Henry. [Comes forward, bows stiffly, wipes nose, coughs, 
moves lips as if whispering his piece, then speaks.] 

Woodman, spare that tree! 

[Points with right hand.] 


THE FRIDAY AFTERNOON PROGRAM 


111 


Touch not a single bough! 

In youth it sheltered me, 

[Eight hand upon heart .] 
And IT1 protect it now. 

[Points upward ivith both hands.] 
*Twas my forefather’s hand— 

[Pause.] 

’Twas my forefather’s—my forefather’s- 

John. Ho, you never had four fathers! You’ve only got 
one father like other folks. 

Henry. 

’Twas my forefather’s— my forefather’s- 

John. Teacher, he hasn’t got four fathers. [Children 
all giggle. General confusion, Teacher rapping for order.] 
Frank. [Jumping up.] I am going to say my piece. We 
can’t wait all day for him and his four fathers. [Comes up 
beside Henry and begins to speak in loud voice.] 

If you cannot on the ocean 
Sail among the swiftest fleet,— 

Henry. Go and sit down. I want to finish my piece. 
“Woodman, spare that tree—” 

Frank. Oh, you spare our feelings. [Speaks.] 

Rocking on the highest billows, 

Laughing at the storms you meet— 

Henry. [Speaking rapidly.] 

Touch not a single bough! 

In youth it sheltered me, 

And I’ll protect it now. 

Frank. Say, you go and sit down. Pm speaking. 

Henry. Go sit down yourself. Pm going to speak. [Each 
shakes his fist at the other and then both speak at the same 
time in a loud voice.] 




112 


PLAYS .AND COMEDIES 


Henry. 

’Twas my forefather’s hand 
That placed it near his cot; 

There, woodman, let it stand. 

Thy axe shall harm it not. 

Frank. [At the same time.\ 

You can stand among the sailors. 

Anchored yet within the bay. 

You can lend a hand to help them. 

As they launch their boats away. 

Teacher. [As the other pupils all laugh .] Boys, take 
your seats. I am ashamed of you. You may both stay after 
school. [ They take their seats, shaking fists at each other.] 
We will next have a song by Jennie and Sarah and Mary. 
[The three girls come forward, bow, then begin to laugh .] 

Jennie. [To Mary.] You start it. 

Mary. No, I can’t. You start it. [Jennie starts singing 
“America.” She and Mary sing a stanza of it while at the 
same time Sarah sings “John Brown s Body.”] 

Teacher. [Rapping for them to stop.] Mercy, that is 
terrible. Sarah, why don’t you sing the same song the other 
girls are singing? 

Sarah. Well, I don’t know that one very well, and I 
like mine better. Why can’t they sing “John Brown?” 

Jennie and Mary. We don’t want to sing that. 

Teacher. You may all take your seats! [The girls sit.] 
Rose, you may speak your piece for us. 

[Rose comes forward, turns her back to audience and makes 
a bow.] 

Teacher. Rose, turn around and face people. 

Rose. I don’t want to. 

Teacher. But you must. Turn around. [Rose turns 


THE FRIDAY AFTERNOON PROGRAM 


113 


around and faces audience, then begins to speik “The Village 
Blacksmith” in such a low tone that no one can hear her.] 
Rose, we can’t hear you. Begin again and talk louder. [She 
starts over but does not speak any louder.] Rose, you must 
speak louder. No one can hear you. [Rose begins over and 
speaks in same tone.] That will do. We can’t hear anything 
you say. [Rose begins to cry and takes her seat.] Peter 
Shaw, you may speak next. 

Peter. [Coming forward very solemnly.] 

I am getting to be a big boy, 

Some day I’ll be a big man; 

I can put on my own clothes, 

And wipe my own nose, 

And wipe my own nose, so I can. 

[Pulls a large handkerchief, made by sewing two colored ones 
together, from his pocket, blows his nose and wipes it by 
rubbing it straight up several times, then solemnly takes 
his seat.] 

Teacher. We will close our program with a song, “Do 
You Know the Candy Man ?” by Emma, Mary, Jennie, Peter, 
William and John. [They come forward, stand in a row, bow 
and sing.] 

Tune: Marching Through Georgia. 

Emma. [Sings to John.] 

Do you know the candy man who lives in Sugar Lane ? 
Do you know the candy man who lives in Sugar Lane ? 

John. [Sings to Emma.] 

Yes, I know the candy man who lives in Sugar Lane. 

Yes, I know the candy man who lives in Sugar Lane. 

Emma and John. [Sing.] 

We two know the candy man who lives in Sugar Lane. 

We two know the candy man who lives in Sugar Lane. 


114 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


John. [Sings to Mary.] Do you know, etc. Mary sings. 
Yes, I know, etc. 

Emma, John and Mary. [Sing.] We three know, etc. 
[Then Mary sings to William.] Do you know the candy 
man, etc. [William sings.] Yes, I know, etc. [Then 
Emma, John, Mary and William sing.] We four know the 
candy man, etc. [They continue until all six have sung, the 
last refrain being:] We six know the candy man, etc. [They 
begin to sing quite slowly and each one sings a little faster until 
when they finish they are singing quite rapidly. As they finish 
singing We six know, etc., Emma pulls a stick of candy out of 
her pocket, takes a bite off it, passes it to John, who takes a 
bite and passes it on. In this way it goes down the line, the 
last one putting what is left in his mouth. All bow and 
pass to seats.] 


CURTAIN 


BRAVE FORESTERS 


FOR SIX BOYS 
CHARACTERS 

Frank Dan Lynn 

Ed Joe Tom 

Frank. Say, boys, do you know what I’m going to do 
when I grow up ? 

Ed. No, what it is? 

Frank. I’m going to be a Supervisor in a National 
Forest. 

Dan. What in the world is that ? I never heard of it. 

Frank. I have been reading about a bad forest fire that 
destroyed thousands of dollars’ worth of timber and I made 
up my mind I’d be a Supervisor, because they are to prevent 
forest fires. 

Joe. What caused the fire? 

Frank. Carelessness. It started from a fire left by some 
campers. It is a shame, because forests grow slowly and often 
a forest that has been a hundred years in the growing is 
destroyed in a single day. 

Lynn. Oh, well, it doesn’t matter, because there is lots 
of timber in the United States. We can spare some. 

Tom. Oh, but it does matter. With the great increase in 
our population and the rapid settlement of our country, in a 
few years our forests will be ruined if they are not looked 
after. 

Joe. Yes, that is why Congress has set aside the forest 
reserves. There are now about 145,000,000 acres of National 
Forests in the United States that are protected by the gov- 

115 


116 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


ernment. A wise country will always look ahead and pro¬ 
vide for the future and not let its resources be wasted. So 
our government is trying to take care of our forests and make 
them last. 

Lynn. Why are the forests so important? We can burn 
coal and use brick, stone, and cement blocks for building 
material. 

Dan. That is as foolish as the man who was going on a 
journey and each day wasted part of his lunch. He threw 
away good slices of bread and wasted so much that before his 
journey was over he was without food and what he bought 
cost him so much that he only had half what he wanted to 
eat. We should take care of our trees and make the supply 
last, for in some localities other fuel and building material 
will always be high. 

Ed. The forests do a lot of good besides furnishing wood. 
They are used for cattle ranges and grazed by cattle, horses, 
and sheep. I read that at present there are about 1,500,000 
cattle and horses, and 6,000,000 sheep grazing in the National 
Forests. The government sees that each ranger has his own 
part of the land and prevents overcrowding and misuse of 
the trees. 

Frank. One of the most important helps is that the 
forests increase the water supply in many parts of the 
country. 

Lynn. I don’t see why. Trees don’t give water. 

Frank. No, but in the arid states where the land must 
be irrigated, if there were no forests the water in the spring 
would rush down in floods and be wasted. But the trees, 
brush, grass, and weeds soak up the water, hold it in the 
spongy surface and produce an even flow of water during the 
whole season. The forests thus largely increase the value of 
agricultural lands. 


BRAVE FORESTERS 


117 


Lynn. Well, what is the use of saving all the trees? I 
think they might use some of them each year. 

Tom. Why, they do. Millions of feet of timber are sold 
each year from the National Forests. But the cutting is done 
so carefully that the trees are left in first class condition 
for the next crop, and in this way crop after crop of timber 
is sold from the same forest. Fire is kept out to give the 
young timber a good chance, and by wise use a better growth 
of the most useful kinds of trees is secured. 

Dan. What was it you said you are going to be, Frank ? 

Frank. A Supervisor in a National Forest. He has 
charge of his forest and looks after the Bangers and Guards 
who work under him. He must see that fires are kept out, the 
lumbering properly carried on, that all the forest Jaws are 
lived up to, and the best possible care taken of his reserve. 
It is a splendid work, because the care of the National Forests 
is of great help in making our country rich in resources. 

Lynn. My mother always says, “Waste not, want not,” 
and I suppose that applies to a government as well as to a 
family. I am glad to know about the care that is being taken 
of our forests. I believe I’d like to be a Supervisor myself. 

Frank. That is a long way off, but we can take an inter¬ 
est in not being wasteful even while we are young. I saw a 
boy injure a little tree the other day so that it is sure to die. 
He did it without thinking, but that might have made a fine 
tree some day. 

Ed. It pays to look ahead, doesn’t it? That boy didn’t 
think what the small sapling might be some future day. Let’s 
be a band of brave foresters and protect the trees whenever 
we get a chance. 

Others. All right! Foresters brave we’ll be! 


CURTAIN 


WE AND OUR FRIENDS 

FOR FIVE BOYS AND FOUR GIRLS 
CHARACTERS 

Frank Eva Daisy 

Tom Ned Ben 

Jennie Anna Lester 

STAGE ARRANGEMENT 

At one side of stage have a small table or stand. Around the 
stage have chairs so all the children can sit. All of the children enter 
at same time. The leader, FYank, steps to the table and raps for 
order. 

Frank. The meeting will please come to order. [All siL] 

Tom. What is this meeting for ? 

Frank. We wish to organize a Band of Mercy. 

Jennie. What kind of a band is that? 

Frank. It teaches us to be kind and merciful to all dumb 
animals. 

Eva. I think boys and girls should learn this, for the Bible 
says, “Blessed are the merciful.” 

Ned. The dumb animals are our friends and we should 
protect them. I don’t like children who are mean to cats and 
dogs, or who rob birds’ nests and kill birds just for fun. 

“He prayeth best who loveth best 
All things, both great and small; 

For the dear God who loveth us, 

He made and loveth all.” 

Anna. I think every one would love the birds if they 
understood how much they do for us. Besides the songs they 

118 



WE AND OUR FRIENDS 


119 


sing, they destroy many insects, such as weevils, chinch bugs, 
worms, bugs and caterpillars. The boy who robs a bird's 
nest is robbing the farmer of part of his crops. Scientists 
say that if all the birds died not a person could live upon the 
earth, for the insects upon which the birds live would in¬ 
crease so as to completely destroy vegetation. 

Daisy. I think it is shameful to kill birds to trim hats 
with. I read that one man on Long Island supplied fifty 
thousand birds in one year to New York milliners. One 
Paris milliner sent an order to this country that took seventy- 
five thousand birds to fill it. The birds are usually taken at 
the hatching season, and the young birds are left to die. 
Hood Queen Victoria ordered that no woman should appear 
at Court wearing birds as decorations. 

Ben. I wish every one in the world had to be kind to 
horses. The finest ones are found in Arabia. The Arabians 
never whip their horses, but they treat them like they would 
members of their family. A horse is very intelligent and is 
one of man's best friends, so he should be well used. It does 
not do any good to whip, kick, beat or swear at a horse. And, 
besides, it never pays. 

Lester. Men are often cruel to horses in order to have 
them appear stylish. They have them clipped in cold weather 
when they need their hair to keep them warm; they dock 
their tails, so that they suffer from flies and mosquitoes; and 
in order to keep their heads up they check them so high that 
the horses can not pull well and suffer through the unnatural 
strain. 

Tom. Lots of men check their work-horses too high. I 
guess if a man had to carry a heavy load with his head 
fastened back, especially when going up hill, he would find 
out what a check-rein is like. We find it easier to drop the 
head forward and so does a horse. 


120 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


Jennie. I have read that there are about twelve millions 
of horses in the United States. Isn’t it sad to think how many 
of them are not well used? A horse requires much the same 
things a man does, to keep him well and contented: good 
food, pure water, fresh air, sunshine, exercise and kind 
treatment. 

Frank. I think cattle ought to be well cared for, too. 
Often they are left unprotected on western ranges so that 
thousands of them die from cold and hunger. Many times 
they are packed so closely when being shipped to market 
that some are killed in the cars. One reason cattle should 
be properly cared for is that their flesh is used for food 
and ill treatment may cause disease. 

Eva. A good dairyman always treats his cows kindly, 
never worries or frightens them, will not let them be chased, 
gives them a comfortable stable and keeps it clean and well 
ventilated. I just wish everyone had to be good to cows. 
Daniel Webster was very fond of his cows and just before 
he died he asked to have them driven past his window so that 
he might see them. As they went past he called each one by 
name. 

Tom. Well, now, I want to say a good word for the dogs, 
too. The dog is man’s affectionate friend, stands by him 
through thick and thin, and is the only animal which has 
followed man over the whole earth. Just think of the splendid 
work the St. Bernard dogs do. They live on the summit of 
Mt. St. Bernard, a high mountain in Switzerland. People 
crossing this mountain are often caught in a storm and 
would die if it were not for the help of the dogs. They go 
out and find the lost travellers, often digging them out of 
the snow. Then if the person cannot walk, the dogs go back 
and get monks to come and help save him. Do they not 
deserve kind treatment in return? 


WE AND OUR FRIENDS 


121 


Daisy. Yes, I read about one St. Bernard named Barry, 
who saved forty persons from death during the years he was 
with the monks. Once he rescued a boy whose mother had 
been carried away by an avalanche, and took him home to 
the monks on his back. When the brave old fellow died his 
skin was stuffed and placed in the museum at Berne, Switzer¬ 
land, where it may still be seen. 

Lester. Well, just think how many Newfoundland dogs 
have saved people from drowning! They are always ready to 
plunge in and save a person. And think how dogs work for 
man and guard his property! The work of the shepherd 
dogs is wonderful. And what would they do without the 
Eskimo dogs in the far north? I tell you we ought to treat 
dogs kindly. 

Anna. If we organize a Band of Mercy what will we do ? 

Frank. We have to promise to be kind to all dumb animals 
and to try to get others to do so. We will study about animals 
and do all we can to protect them. 

Jennie. Let 7 s organize. I want to belong. 

Others. [Together.'] So do I. 

Frank. The animals are our friends and we should stand 
by them as they stand by us. 

“The same force fashioned the sparrow 
That fashioned the man, the king. 

The God of the whole gave a spark of soul 
To furred and feathered thing; 

And I am my brother’s keeper, 

And I will fight his fight, 

And speak the word for beast and bird 
Till the world shall set things right.” 

All. [Stand and repeat together .] 

To our useful friends, the animals dumb, 

We pledge to be gentle and kind; 


122 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


We’ll speak a good word for them everywhere, 
And protect them with diligent care. 

All. [Sing.] 

Tune: America 

For these friends we will speak, 

Protect the dumb and weak, 

Their rights maintain; 

Never will we misuse, 

Or these kind friends abuse, 

Oh, let us never choose 

To give them pain! 


CURTAIN 


KNIGHTS AND LADIES OF THE WHITE 
QUEEN’S COURT 


FOR FOUR BOYS AND FOUR GIRLS 
CHARACTERS 

The White Queen Sir Ethelbert ^ 

Lady Beatrice ) Ladies Sir Roland > Knights 

Lady Margaret 5 of the Court Sir Percival j 

Poor Old Woman Beggar 

COSTUMES 

The White Queen wears an elaborate white gown with train (a lace 
curtain can be utilized in fashioning it), and a gilt crown. The two 
Ladies wear fancy, light-colored gowns, floor length. The Old Woman 
is poorly dressed, hair powdered white, and face marked with black 
lines for wrinkles. The three Knights wear long stockings, knee 
trousers, slippers, fancy waists, capes made of cambric, one red, one 
blue and one green, and felt hats, each trimmed with a long paper 
plume of same color as cane. The Old Beggar is very poorly dressed. 

STAGE ARRANGEMENT 

At center of back of stage arrange a box with a large chair upon 
it, covered with a rich-looking shawl or blanket, for a throne. Across 
center of stage have wire with a curtain that can be easily drawn, 
leaving room in front of the curtain for a highway scene. 

Scene I—At the White Queen’s Court 

Discovered, the Queen seated upon the throne, the Two 
Ladies and the Three Knights standing near. 

Queen. Brave Knights and fair Ladies, I have called you 
together to make known my latest plan. I have decided to 
bestow special honor upon the Knight and the Lady who 
prove themselves most worthy. I would that each of you take 

123 


124 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


a journey and after twenty days return again to my court. To 
the Knight who does the noblest deed, and to the Lady who 
shows herself most worthy shall be given these honors. Go 
now, and may good fortune journey with you, and luck attend 
your way. [The Ladies low low and pass out, then the 
Knights low low and follow the Ladies.] 

curtain 

Scene II—On the Highway 

Discovered, at one side of stage, the Beggar sitting upon the 
floor, head lowed. Sir Ethelbert enters at other side of 
stage, and looks alout. 

Ethelbert. Ah, here comes Sir Roland. I will wait for 
him. 

Enter Roland from same side as did Ethelbert. 

Roland. Good day, Sir Ethelbert. Hope I find you well. 

Ethelbert. Quite well, thank you, Sir Roland. How 
fared you upon your journey? 

Roland. Fortune did indeed smile upon me. I feel sure 
I shall win the fair Queen’s prize. 

Ethelbert. Tell me of your trip and what happened. 

Roland. No, not so!. To the Queen alone will I relate my 
adventures. 

Ethelbert. Very well. I shall hear it in due time. Let 
us be on our way. [They pass on to other side of the stage .] 

Beggar. Oh, kind sirs, please give aid to a needy man 
who has met with great misfortune. [Roland and Ethel¬ 
bert stop and look at him.'] 

Roland. I do not feel inclined to help him. He is noth¬ 
ing to me. 


KNIGHTS AND LADIES 


125 


Ethelbert. He must look out for himself. I have 
troubles of my own. 

Beggar. Please, kind sirs, listen to my story and I am 
sure you will help me. 

Boland. Let us hasten on. We have no time to loiter 
here. 

Ethelbert. No, we must be on our way to the Court of 
the Queen. [Exeunt.] 

Beggar. Alas, alas, will no one help me in my trouble? 
[Bows head.'] 

Enter Sir Percival from same side as did the others. 

Percival. Ah me, how unfortunate I am! Not one 
chance have I had during my journey to show my courage, 
my skill, or my honor. Not a chance have I had to prove my 
worth or that I deserve the Queen’s prize. I am sure when 
she hears my story the Queen will look upon me with scorn. 
Of a truth I have a notion not to go near her. No! That 
would be cowardly. I will go and tell her the truth. [Walks 
across stage and sees Beggar.] Ah, who is this? Some one 
in distress. [To Beggar.] What is the matter, my poor 
man ? Can I help you ? 

Beggar. Bless you, kind sir, for your offer. I am in great 
trouble. I have been very ill and my wife is so now. We 
have no money and no food. I went out to try and find help, 
but I fell and hurt my foot. I can’t even get back home 
again. I do not know what to do. 

Percival. Oh, come! Cheer up! Things are not so dark 
as you imagine. It is not much I can do to help you, but I’ll 
not see any fellow man in distress. Take this. [Gives him 
money. Beggar thanks him.] Don’t thank me. Where do 
you live? 


126 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


Beggar. Yonder, near the edge of the forest. 

Percival. Let me see your foot. [ Kneels down and looks 
at it.] This is pretty bad. [ Pulls out white handkerchief 
and winds it around the foot.] Fll help you home. 
[Helps him to rise and assists him off stage, passing off at 
the side from which Percival entered. Percival comes back 
onto stage in a few minutes.] Perhaps I was foolish to help 
the old fellow, but it was only doing as I would wish to be 
done by. Now I must hurry to the Queen’s Court. [Exit at 
opposite side.] 

CURTAIN 

Scene III—The Queen’s Decision. 

At the Queen’s Court, as in Scene I, twenty days later. 

Discovered , Lady Beatrice and Lady Margaret. 

Beatrice. The Queen is late. 

Margaret. She will be here very soon. 

Beatrice. I am anxious to tell her what honors I won 
while on my journey. I am sure she will give me the prize. 
Have you, too, something worthy to report ? 

Margaret. [Sadly.] No, nothing the Queen will care to 
hear, I fear. I shall not win the prize. 

Enter Old Woman, carrying a battered basket on her arm. 

Old Woman. [To Beatrice.] Are you the Queen? 

Beatrice. [Haughtily.] No, I am not. What are you 
doing here ? This is no place for a wretched old woman like 
you. Begone! 

Old Woman. I wish to see the Queen. I want to sell her 
some of my lace. 

Beatrice. Horrors! What impudence! Do you think 


KNIGHTS AND LADIES 


127 


the Queen would look at your lace ? Get out of here quickly 
or I’ll have you put out. 

Old Woman. [To Margaret.] Please, please buy some 
of my laces. I need the money. 

Margaret. Lady Beatrice, do not be unkind to the poor 
woman. She needs help. [To the Old Woman, who is now 
weeping.\ Do not weep. I will buy some of your laces. 
[Going toward her.'] 

Beatrice. Lady Margaret, do not be foolish. Do not 
waste time or money on such a creature. She must be put 
out before the Queen comes. 

Margaret. No, I am sure she deserves help. I am sorry 
for her. 

Beatrice. Do not bother with her. She is nothing to us. 
[To Woman.] Go away or I’ll call the servants. 

Margaret. Come with me. I’ll buy some of your laces. 

Old Woman. [Following Lady Margaret from stage.] 
Bless you, dear kind lady, for helping a poor old woman. 
[Exeunt.] 

Beatrice. How dreadful of Lady Margaret. The idea ! 

Enter the Queen. 

Queen. [Seating herself upon the throne.] And are not 
the others here yet? ’Tis time. 

Beatrice. I hear them coming now, dear Queen. [Goes 
to side of stage and ushers in Knights Roland, Ethelbert 
and Percival.] 

Enter the Three Knights. 

Beatrice. Here are Sir Roland, Sir Ethelbert, and Sir 
Percival, -your Highness. [The Knights how low to the 
Queen.] 

Queen. [Smiling graciously.] Welcome, brave Knights. 


128 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


I trust you had a safe return from a successful journey. 
Where is Lady Margaret? 

Enter Margaret. 

Margaret. Here I am, dear Queen. [ Bows .] 

Queen. Now let me hear from you, in what way each one 
distinguished himself or proved himself worthy of the honors 
to be bestowed. 

Ethelbert. Most excellent Queen, as I journeyed I came 
to a village where a number of brave knights were having a 
contest. They asked me to join them and I did so. I took 
part in a number of contests and at last in the final one no 
man could stand, against me and I was declared the winner 
of the day. 

Queen. Very good, very good, Sir Ethelbert. Now, Sir 
Eoland ? 

Eoland. And I, good Queen, as„I traveled, came upon a 
village where several people had been carried away and de¬ 
voured by a terrible beast more dreadful than the dragons of 
old. The village was in distress and all the people lived in 
fear. I organized a company of brave men, and we sallied 
forth into the hills, and I, Queen, killed the monster which 
had been the terror 6f the village. 

Queen. Well done, brave Sir Eoland! Nothing could be 
braver. And you, Sir Percival, what have you to tell? 

Percival. Nothing, Queen. I am sorry to say I had no 
adventures or did no brave deeds. I did nothing to dis¬ 
tinguish myself. I am very sorry. 

Queen. What ? Did you do nothing worthy of mention ? 

Percival. No, Queen. 

Queen. Not even a kind deed? 

Percival. No —that is—nothing worth telling. 

Queen. What was it ? Tell me. 


KNIGHTS AND LADIES 


129 


Peecival. No, no! It was nothing. 

Queen. I command you to tell me. 

Peecival. I helped a man who had been ill and lay by the 
roadside wounded and unable to get home. It was nothing. 

Queen. What did you do for him? 

Peecival. I merely gave him a little money, bound up his 
foot, helped him home and made him comfortable. The poor 
fellow was in bad shape. 

Queen. And what did you do, Lady Beatrice ? Let us hear 
what you have to tell. 

Beateice. Oh, Queen, I won great honor! At a large 
company of Lords and Ladies, I was asked to sing. Though 
a number of others sang also, it was said they did not compare 
with me. I was declared the finest singer of the evening 
and I won great praise. 

Queen. That was indeed great honor. And what have 
you to tell, Lady Margaret? 

Maegaeet. [Sadly.] Nothing, dear Queen. I am not 
talented, you know, and I did nothing to win praise or dis¬ 
tinction. 

Queen. Not even a good deed? 

Maegaeet. No, not even that. 

Queen. Ah, I do not agree with you. I think you dis¬ 
tinguished yourself in a most worthy way. 

Maegaeet. [In surprise.] What can you mean? 

Queen. I was at the door when the old woman came to sell 
her lace. I saw your courtesy and heard your kind words to 
her. I think that gracious words, a gentle manner, and a 
kind heart are more to be praised than a fine voice. [To 
Peecival.] Sir Percival, he who helps needy men, doing 
humble deeds without a thought of reward or fame, does most 
noble service. It is well to be brave! it is well to be strong 


130 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


and skillful! but it is better to be kind, sympathetic, and 
ready to lend a helping hand to one in distress. To you I 
give this medal for performing the most worthy act. [Hands 
him a small box.] Lady Margaret, I give to you this neck¬ 
lace because to comfort one sad heart was nobler than to win 
the praise of a hundred Lords and Ladies. May the 
precious jewels these gifts contain ever remind you both of 
the still more precious jewels of kindness, syunpathv, and 
courtesy. [Hands box to Lady Margaret. She and Perci- 
val bow low before the Queen as the curtain is drawn.'] 


curtain 


THE LITTLEMAN-TINYTOT WEDDING 


FOR TWELVE OR MORE GIRLS AND BOYS 


CHARACTERS 




Minister 

Groom 

Groomsman 

Two (or more) Ushers 
Father of Bride 
Mother of Bride 


Maid-of-Honor 

Two (or more) Bridesmaids 

The Bride 

Flower Girl 

Guests (as many as may be 


desired) 


There should be the same number of ushers as there are brides¬ 
maids. The guests may be omitted entirely if desired. Use, as small 
children as can take the parts well. 

Have as many children take part as possible, the larger the number 
the better the effect will be. With exception of the three principal 
characters, very tiny folks can take the parts easily. 


COSTUMES 


These should be similar to real wedding costumes and must be 
quite elaborate, as the charm of their effect when worn by the little 
folks is scarcely imaginable. They may be made of cheap material. 
The minister should wear a robe of white, reaching to the floor, with 
large flowing sleeves, and a broad band of black around the neck and 
extending to the feet. His hair should be powdered. The other men 
wear black suits, swallow-tail coats, low vests, white shirts, collars 
and ties. The ushers wear white gloves and button-hole bouquets. 
The bride should be dressed in white, long sleeves and high neck, a 
long train and white veil. The maid-of-honor and bridesmaids should 
wear evening gowns of light colors, short sleeves, low neck, dresses 
to the floor (but without trains). If there are lady guests they also 
wear full evening dress. Ladies all wear hair done up in elaborate 
style. Gloves can be made, and slippers covered, to match the gowns. 
The bridesmaids carry flowers. The flower girl should be a little tot, 
very prettily dressed in short dress of dainty color. She carries flow¬ 
ers tied with ribbons. 


131 


132 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


The Wedding Procession 

When the little folks have been arranged in position to 
enter, the wedding-march begins. If there are guests they are 
conducted in with slow ceremony by the ushers. They enter 
in couples, the lady upon the arm of the usher and her com¬ 
panion following him. The guests are conducted to seats 
along each side of the platform. The ushers make low bows 
as they seat guests. If there are no guests the father and 
mother are brought in and seated. Then the minister comes 
in and takes his position near center of back of stage. Next 
the ushers come in and take places at the side of the stage, at 
left of minister, and the bridesmaids follow, one after an¬ 
other, and take places in line on the right of the minister, 
facing the ushers. The little flower girl comes next and 
stands in front of the minister, facing him. The bride and 
maid-of-honor follow, and as they come forward the groom 
and groomsman come from the opposite direction and join 
them, all standing face to the minister, the bride and brides¬ 
maid on the left of the groom. 

The Ceremony 

When with solemn precision all have taken their places, the 
ceremony proceeds as follows: 

Minister. Dearly Beloved, upon this propitious and 
picturesque occasion we stand before this inquisitive and neck¬ 
stretching audience that we may assist two daring spirits to 
move into the largest state in the union—the state of matri¬ 
mony. The aspiring groom desires to take unto himself a 
better half, not knowing that instead of being better’n half 
she will be the whole thing. The sweet and coy bride was 
once man’s superior, but now that she has become a new 
woman she is only his equal. We now, therefore, lead them 


THE L1TTLEMAN-TINYT0T WEDDING 


133 


forth to the marriage halter to join them in the bonds of 
padlock. 

If, now, any member of this august and awe-inspirmg 
audience can show any reason, wise or otherwise, why these 
two venturesome souls shall not be made one—the wife, of 
course, to be the one—let him now speak out, or else hereafter 
for ever’n ever more hold not only a piece of his peace'but the 
whole of it. 

[To the man ,] Leander Lijah Littleman, wilt thou take 
this woman to be thy lawful boss in all the affairs of life, to 
live together in the inseparable bonds of padlock, agreeing to 
disagree if thou canst not agree ? Wilt thou clothe her in the 
latest styles, set her at the head of thine household, submit 
gracefully unto her rule, place thy pocketbook at her disposal, 
and always praise her cooking? 

Groom. [In a very trembling voice.] I-I- w-w-will. 

Minister. [To the Bride.] Theodora Tabitha Tinytot, 
wilt thou take this lordly specimen of the sterner sex into 
thy capable hands to mold him as thou wilt, and impress him 
with the proper views of wedded life ? 

Wilt thou correct his faults, stretch out his shortcomings, 
teach him to keep still when you wish to talk, allow him to 
run the Washing machine, permit him to get up in the morn¬ 
ing and build the fires, and not be afraid to spend his money ? 

Bride. [In impressive tone.] I will. 

Minister. Who giveth away this shy and blushing bride 
into the padlock custody of the bravely aspiring husband? 

Father. [Rising.] I do. Unto his generous pocketbook 
do I now consign her unlimited expenses. 

Groom. [Repeating after the Minister, as the Bride and 
Groom join right hands.] 

“I, Leander Lijah Littleman, take thee, Theodora Tabitha 


134 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


Tinytot, to have and to hold—once in awhile unless you get 
too heavy—for better until you get worse, for richer but not 
any poorer, in health until you get sick, to love if you keep 
good-looking, until the divorce courts us do part.” 

Bkide. [Repeats after the Minister.] 

“I, Theodora Tabitha Tiny tot, take thee, Leander Lijah 
Littleman, to have but never to hold, for better until you get 
worse, for richer but not any poorer, in health until you get 
sick, to love until I fancy some handsomer man, and to 
obey—” 

Bride. [In firm voice .] I shall not obey him ! He will 
do the obeying or I’ll send him home to his mother. 

Minister. [In shocked tone .] But, my dear young 
lady— 

Bride. I shall not obey. Proceed with the ceremony. 

Bride’s Father. [Rising.] Your Reverence, she is just 
like her mother. You may as well proceed without the 
obeying. 

Bride. [Resuming and repeating after the Minister.] 
“And not obey, until the divorce courts us do part.” 

Minister. Forasmuch as Leander Lijah Littleman and 
Theodora Tabitha Tinytot have consented to be tied with the 
marriage halter, and bound with the easily-broken bands of 
padlock, I do pronounce them a good-looking pair, with the 
ability to make things interesting for each other. What has 
thus been joined together let naught but divorce courts put 
asunder. Pro bono publico. 

Conclusion 

At the close of the ceremony the bride and groom turn to 
the audience and bow. The march is played and all pass 
from the stage, the little flower girl going first, bride and 


THE LITTLEMAN-TINYTOT WEDDING 


136 


groom next, then the maid-of-lionor and groomsman, fol¬ 
lowed by the bridesmaids and ushers, the father and mother 
next, then other guests if there are any, the minister last. 
All couples walk arm in arm. 

The ceremony must be rehearsed with costumes several 
times to accustom the children to them. The minister must 
have his part typewritten on small sheets so he can carr\ 
them in a black book. He should memorize some of the lines, 
especially those he says at the beginning of the ceremony to 
make the service more impressive. 


CURTAIN 




THE BABY SHOW 


FOR TWELVE OR MORE LITTLE GIRLS AND ONE BOY 
COSTUMES 

Each girl should wear a long gown that just clears the floor, a 
little white cap, white cuffs and a white neckerchief. Each carries a 
doll and all dolls should have on long white dresses, such as are worn 
by babies. The boy should be as small a one as can learn the part 
well and should wear long trousers, a white vest and tie, and a coat 
with long tails. He should wear his hair parted in the middle and 
have glasses. 

Judge. [Coming to center of stage, clearing his throat and 
rubbing his hands together in a nervous manner .] Er, ah, 
ladies and gentlemen, we are to have a very interesting time 
here soon—at least I expect it will be interesting for me. 
Twelve women can usually make things interesting for one 
man, especially if eleven of them are angry at him. I tried 
every way to get out of this fix, but the association compelled 
me to act as judge at this Baby Show. It is going to be a 
great show, for babies are the greatest living things in the 
world, especially when they want their own way. But hoiv am 
I to decide which is the handsomest child—all babies look 
alike to me! I wish I had a ticket to Alaska and that my 
train left in about a half minute. I am scared to death to 
face the music. I trust the audience will be quiet and not 
scare the babies for if they get to crying I don’t know what I 
shall do. [Mops face with handkerchief .] Oh, dear, here 
they come! 

Enter the Mothers with their Babies. 

[They enter in single file at right corner of front, pass 

136 


THE BABY SHOW 


137 


across the front of stage, up left side, across back of stage, 
down to center of right side, then across to center of stage. 
Thence the first mother goes in diagonal line to left corner 
of back, second one goes to right corner of back, third to 
left, etc., all passing in diagonal lines to corners of back 
where they turn and meet at center of back. Here they form 
couples and march down the center of stage. The judge 
during this march has stood near center of stage and as couples 
come down he steps to the head of the line and marches 
there, leading down to center of front, across to right cor¬ 
ner of front, up right side, across to center of back, where 
he halts. The mothers pass down center of stage in couples 
until within three feet of the front, then halt. When they 
have stopped the judge marches down between the lines 
and halts at center of the front. The mothers then pass 
down to center of front, where those on left side turn to left 
and others turn to right, pass to right and left corners of 
front and from there the leaders lead the files so as to form 
a semicircle across the stage, the two leaders standing together 
at the center. As they halt the judge passes to near the right 
corner of stage, where he stands, partly facing the mothers 
and partly the audience. During this march the mothers 
carry the babies upon the left arm.] 

Mothers. [Sing.] 

Tune: There s Music in the Air * 

1. The mothers now are coming 
To the famous Baby Show; 

We’re bringing Kate and Mary, 

Nellie, John and little Joe. 


In Gems of Song, price, 35 cents. 


138 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


CHORUS* : 

Oh, they’re darlings, one and all, 

\Cuddle dolls up close and love them.'] 
Light and dark and fat and small; 

Mine will take a prize, I know, 

[Each mother holds her baby forward proudly.] 
At the famous Baby Show. 

2. We’ve dressed them np so neatly, 

[Sit baby up on the left arm and smooth its clothes.] 
Trimmed them up with bow r s and lace; 

Each one can smile so sweetly, 

And bow with such pretty grace! 

[Take hold of baby with the right hand and tip it forward 
to bow.] 

chorus : as before 

Judge. They certainly are a fine lot of babies. Each one 
ought to have a prize, I am sure. [Mothers all smile and 
bow and nod head, “Yes.”] Why, I didn’t know babies were 
so pretty and—er—so smart looking. [Steps up to a Mother 
and looks at her baby.] This is a nice little fellow. How old 
is he? 

Mother. [Stiffly.] Sir, this is not a he! I should think 
you could tell by her sweet little face that she is a girl. 

Judge. Oh, certainly, certainly, a little girl of course! 
Very sweet, indeed! [To another Mother.] And how old is 
your dear little girl, madam ? 

Mother. [Coldly.] If you please, this is not a girl. He 
is a splendid boy. You had better not let his papa hear you 
call him a girl—no, indeed ! 

Judge. [With confusion.] Pardon me, madam, I—er— 

*Omit the “Repeat” as found in Gems of Song. 


THE BABY SHOW 


139 


meant a boy. [To the audience .] I think there ought to be 
some way to mark them. This is terrible on me. Why couldn’t 
they put pink ribbons on the boys and blue on the girls? 
[Goes to another baby and pokes it with his finger.'] Kitchie, 
kitchie, I’ll get you! What is your name? [Pause.] Well, 
can’t you tell me what your name is ? 

Mother. [In surprise.] Why, judge, he is only four 
months old! You wouldn’t expect a baby of that age to talk, 
would you ? 

Judge. [Embarrassed.] Oh, no, no, of course not. [Looks 
up and down the line.] Ladies, these certainly are lovely 
babies. I believe I’d like to buy one or two of them. Who 
will sell a baby for a good price? 

All the Mothers. [Stepping back in horror.] Not I, 
not I! 

One Mother. I guess you’ll not have my dear, sweet 
little Joe for all the money in the state. 

All the Other Mothers. Nor my precious little honey 

love! 

Judge. [Walking along the line.] These babies are 
precious, but do they not make you a lot of work and worry ? 

All the Mothers. [Recite.] 

Oh, yes, indeed ! They must be fed, 

And bathed and dressed and put to bed; 

They must be tended and kept warm, 

And closely sheltered from the storm. 

They often throw us in a fright 
By having colic in the night; 

But though they’re cross with cough or colds, 

Their loving mother never scolds. 

[Pat babies and smile at them lovingly.] 


140 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


Judge. I suppose sometimes when they are naughty you 
have to spank them, don’t you? 

Mothers. [Each throwing up her free hand in horror .] 
What ? Spank the tiny little pet. 

Who’s nothing but a baby yet ? 

Shame on you, sir. [All point finger at Judge.] It 
is a sin 

To even mention such a thing. 

[Cuddle babies up close and pat them lovingly.'] 
No, mother will not spank you, pet, 

Not for a long, long, long time yet. 

Judge. Do you ever sing to them? 

Mothers. [Sing, to same tune as before .] 

1. Oh, close your eyes, my baby, 

[Hold doll flat on left arm and shake finger at it.] 
You must go to By-Low-By; 

Sleep and naught shall harm thee, 

[Caress doll lovingly.] 

For your mother watches nigh. 

chorus: 

[Sway dolls back and forth with both hands, singing softly.] 
Lullaby, my baby dear, 

Gently rest and know no fear; 

For from out the skies of blue, 

Angels shall keep watch o’er you. 

2. Now wake, my precious baby, 

No, you must not sleep all day; 

[Give dolls a playful shake.] 
Wake up and smile for mother, 

We will have a little play. 


THE BABY SHOW 


141 


CHORUS: 

Way up high, up high you’ll go, 

[Raise dolls up high with both hands.] 
Up so high and then down low; 

[Bring dolls down low.] 
Have a dance and then you’ll rest 
[Hold dolls by both hands under their arms and dance them 
up and do wn.] 

On your loving mother’s breast. 

[Hold dolls up close and pat them lovingly.] 

One of the Mothers. I think it is time now to give the 
prize. I am getting anxious to know which baby is to have it. 
Other Mothers. So are we all anxious. 

One Mother. [Proudly.] I am sure my baby should have 

the prize. . 

Another Mother. [Scornfully.] Why, your bahy is not 

nearly as handsome as mine. 

Another Mother. Well, all my relations say my baby 

should take the prize, so there ! 

Another Mother. [Holding her baby out .] Now, judge, 
could a baby be prettier and sweeter than mine? 

Judge. He—er— she— I mean it is a peach all right. [He 
walks along the line, looking at the babies, rubbing hands to¬ 
gether nervously, then mopping face with handkerchief.] 
They are all beautiful, beautiful! 

One Mother. It wouldn’t take me this long to decide 

which one to give the prize to. 7 

Judge [Taking One of the Mothers by the hand and 
leading her forward.] Madam, I think I shall award the prize 
to vour baby. [All the Other Mothers step back with a long 
“Ohr and one says, “The idea!”] This is certainly a beauti¬ 
ful' child. 


142 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


All the Other Mothers. It is not as pretty as mine! 
[Each one hugs her baby up lovingly .] 

Mother of the Prize Baby. Oh, I knew my Evangeline 
would win the prize! [Judge puts a chain around the dolVs 
neck .] 

One of the Mothers. Sir, have you any children of your 
own? 

Judge. No, madam, I am an old bachelor. 

The Mother. [ Scornfully .] No wonder you don’t know 
how to judge babies, if you’ve had no experience with them. 

[The Mother of the Prize Baby bows to audience and then 
to Judge and marches proudly from stage, swinging her 
skirts. As she goes off the Other Mothers march off, 
passing around stage in a circle, singing as they go, to 
same tune as before.\ 

We’ll never go again, sir, 

To a horrid Baby Show; 

No, never, never, never, 

To a Baby Show we’ll go 

chorus: 

My child was the prettiest, 

Nicest, sweetest, and the best; 

I am sure I do not know 
Why he’d slight my baby so. 

[They sing quite fast and in an angry manner, bringing 
feet down with force as they march. As they pass from 
stage each shakes fist at the Judge.] 

Judge. [Sadly.] I wish I were dead! [Passes off in a 
dejected manner.] 


curtain 


A NORTH-POLE EXPEDITION 


FOR SEVEN BOYS 
CHARACTERS 

Parry Bartley Scott Melville 

Henson Wardell Bowman 

COSTUMES 

Each man wears a warm cap, a sweater and a coat over it, warm 
trousers and leggins. 

STAGE ARRANGEMENT 

Have a lot of packing boxes about the stage, a pile of rope, 
blankets, etc., representing part of the deck of a ship. 

Discovered, the Seven Men sitting on boxes. 

Parry. Boys, I am glad to be on my way to the Pole^ 
again. Several times I have gone home from the North 
tired out, thinking never to try it again. But after awhile 
I begin to long for the great white lonely North, with its 
desolation, the mountains of ice, the bitter gales, the long 
Arctic night, the long Arctic day, the silence, the vastness, 
and the faithful Eskimos. I am glad we are going back 
and I hope this time we may reach the Pole. 

Henson. We are well equipped. Our ship cost $100,000 
when it was new and we have spent $75,000 more for new 
boilers and other improvements. This is an American expedi¬ 
tion, too. The ship is built of American timber, by American 
firms, and our supplies are of American manufacture. We 
want America to have the honor of reaching the Pole. 

Bartley. Yes, and we surely took on coal enough at 

143 


144 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


Sydney to last us a long time. We are having a fine trip. 
The nights have been growing shorter and lighter, until 
now since we have crossed the Arctic Circle we are in per¬ 
petual daylight. And since we took on our Eskimos at Cape 
York our ship has not been a lonesome place. 

Wardell. The Eskimos are a queer people. They live 
so far north that they have no commercial enterprise, they 
have no culture, but they are trustworthy and hardy and it 
will never be possible to discover the Pole without their help. 

Scott. They are very willing to go with us. It took but 
a few hours for them to have their wives and children, their 
tents, dogs, sledges, skins and cooking dishes down at the 
shore ready to come upon the ship. As Wardell says, we 
can’t reach the Pole without them, for the men must help 
with the sledge work, the women must make our fur clothing, 
and the strong Eskimo dogs must pull our sledges. 

Melville. Do the Eskimos live all winter in the skin 
tents we saw at Cape York? 

Bowman. No, in the winter they live in igloos built of 
stone and earth. These igloos are about six feet high, eight 
to ten feet wide, and ten to twelve feet long. The floor is of 
earth, the walls of stone chinked with moss; long, flat stones 
form the top. These are covered with earth and the whole 
hut is banked with snow. There is no door in the side, but a 
hole at the floor leads to a tunnel, sometimes twenty feet long, 
through which one must crawl into the igloo. There is 
always a small window in front, covered with a thin skin. 
When they are traveling they build snow igloos, w T hich three 
good Eskimos can build in an hour. 

Melville. What gives them heat and light? 

Bowman. Oil is the only fuel for heat, light, or cooking. 
They cut small pieces of blubber, which they lay on moss and 


A NOETH-PQLE EXPEDITION 


145 


light. r lhe heat from the Inoss fries out the oil and makes a 
very hot flame. The Eskimo women are so skillful with these 
lamps that they scarcely ever smoke. 

Parry. The Eskimos are kind and affectionate. They are 
very childish in disposition and can usually be managed much 
as children are. They believe in Tornarsuk, the great evil 
spirit, and are always making offerings to him to keep him 
good natured. Any sudden howling among the dogs always 
denotes that Tornarsuk is near and the men run out, crack¬ 
ing their whips or firing rifles to scare him away. They soon 
forget their griefs and if a man or woman loses a mate 
another one is secured and they are happy again. Their 
strength and powers of endurance are remarkable, while some 
of the implements they use prove that they have considerable 
intelligence. 

Henson. Say, the Eskimo dogs are splendid creatures. 
They are sturdy, magnificent fellows. Other dogs may work 
as well or travel as far when fully fed, but there is no dog in 
the world that can work so long in the intense cold with 
almost nothing tp eat as the Eskimo dog. They have very 
heavy coats, underlaid with thick, soft fur, powerful legs and 
a bushy tail similar to that of a fox. Some scientists think 
they are descendants of the Arctic wolf, but they are affec¬ 
tionate and obedient to their masters. The dogs are never 
housed and a puppy three months old is so hardy he can stand 
the severest cold. 

Bartley. We shall get our meat for the dogs by killing 
walrus. Walrus hunting is great sport. It is pretty exciting 
when you tackle a herd of fifty, weighing between one and two 
tons each, that go for you, trying to punch holes through the 
boat or climb into it, bellowing, and sending up water till you 
think a' geyser has been turned loose. When a walrus is 


146 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


killed he will go to the bottom, so he must be harpooned 
before that takes place. It takes nerve and quick action to 
come out of a walrus encounter without getting the worst 
of it. 

Wardell. How many Eskimos have we on board now ? 

Parry. Forty-nine—twenty-two men, seventeen women 
and ten children. And we have two hundred and forty-six 
dogs. We must take plenty of dogs because some will die, 
others become worthless, and we must have enough to do our 
work. While we are making the trip from Etah to Cape 
Sheridan through the ice, the women will mend the old fur 
garments and make new ones. When they sew they take off 
their footgear, put up one foot and hold one end of the work 
between their toes, gripping it between the great toe and the 
second one. 

Scott. Do you suppose our ship will fight the ice all 
right ? 

Melville. No one can tell that. Our ship is as strong as 
can be built, but we must encounter all shapes and sizes of 
ice and we may be caught in the jaws of some of the heavier 
masses and crushed to death. If we can push through the 
lighter pieces and steer clear of the huge floating mountains 
we shall be all right. Sometimes we shall be able to use 
dynamite to help break the ice. It is exciting work, this 
fighting the ice and trying to push a boat through it. We 
shall have only three hundred and fifty miles of it to go 
through. When we reach Cape Sheridan, there we shall go 
into winter quarters. 

Henson. Yes, there we shall unload. We’ll turn the dogs 
loose, get down our twenty-three sledges and unload the sup¬ 
plies. The boxes of tinned goods will be used to build houses. 
Our coal, oil and whale meat will be stored on shore in case 


A NORTH-POLE EXPEDITION 


147 


anything should happen to the ship. There we will begin 
the fall hunting, securing musk-oxen and reindeer, hares and 
foxes, with perhaps a polar bear once in a while. We must 
get a good kill so we shall have plenty of meat through the 
winter. One might wonder what the musk-ox and deer live 
on through the winter, but the strong winds always keep 
patches of grass blown clean where they can feed. 

Melville. And then I suppose we’ll put on our Eskimo 
clothes. 

Scott. Yes, a shirt of fawn skin, with the hair inside; a 
jacket of fox or deerskin to which is fastened a hood with a 
thick roll of fox-tails around the face; shaggy fur trousers 
made from the skins of the polar bear; stockings of hareskin; 
boots of sealskin, and warm fur mittens. Such an outfit will 
enable us to endure the cold. 

Bartley. From Cape Sheridan the sledge parties will 
move our supplies ninety miles farther north, to have them 
ready for the spring journey to the Pole. Eight or. ten dogs 
will be hitched to a sledge, and guided by the voice and the 
long whips they will do splendid work even when the going 
is rough. We are going up during the Arctic noon. We will 
hunt and do our sledging through the twilight, then when 
the sun leaves us we will wait during the long Arctic night 
for spring daylight and the dash to the Pole. 

Wardell. For four months we shall be in constant dark¬ 
ness. Only he who has lived through this long night of dark¬ 
ness can realize how glad we shall be to see the sun once more. 
During the moonlight days of each month we will go out 
hunting, which will help pass the time. We shall be cozy and 
warm in our winter quarters and shall not mind the storms 
and the shrieking winds. The dangerous and hard part of 
our work will begin in March when the daylight once more 


148 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


has returned and we make our dash for the Pole. The way 
will he so rough and the ice ridges so hard to get over that 
it will take great endurance to make headway against the 
wind. Sometimes we shall have to march all day in a snow¬ 
storm, the temperature sometimes sixty degrees below zero. 
At night there will be no warm fire, only a hut of snow to 
crawl into. But the most dangerous part of the going is the 
crossing of the streams of water formed by the breaking of 
the ice. One of these streams may suddenly open before us 
at any time. We can only hope none of them will swallow 
us up. 

Parry. We will hope for the best. When we leave winter 
quarters we will travel ninety miles to Cape Columbia, where 
we shall find the supplies we sent up in the autumn. From 
there we have a trip of four hundred and thirteen miles to 
make over the ice to the Pole. We shall divide into parties, 
each party going a certain distance to help carry supplies and 
break the road, and then returning to the camp, leaving the 
last party to reach the Pole. 

Bartley. I am to have charge of the pioneer or first party 
that starts. We will pioneer the road, break the trail, build 
the igloos which the others who follow us shall use, and set 
the pace for them. I shall have with me three of the best 
Eskimos and the best dogs of the pack. 

Henson. Each sledge, I suppose, carries the same things 
—dog meat, meat for the men, biscuits, tea, condensed milk 
and alcohol for the alcohol stoves. Shall we be able to keep 
strong on a diet of meat, biscuits and tea ? 

Parry. Yes, I think no other food is needed. We will 
carry extra pairs of boots, for the rough traved will be hard 
on them. 

Wardell. We will also carry a skin to sleep on, snow- 


A NOBTH-POLE EXPEDITION 


149 


shoes, a pickax and ice saw, and an alcohol stove. At times 
it will be necessary to have a pickax brigade to break the trail. 

Scott. If all goes well, how long will it take to make the 
trip from Cape Columbia, the most northern point of land, 
to the Pole? 

Bowman. We shall have to allow for some delays. We 
may have to wait several days at a time for a crack in the ice 
to close over before we can cross. Some days we may not be 
able to go far because of the rough ice over which we must 
climb and haul the sledges. But the journey over a little 
more than four hundred miles should be made within about 
a month. 

Melville. Then, if good fortune smiles upon us and the 
Pole is reached, and the United States flag planted there, 
about when shall we start for the home land and back to 
those we have left behind us? 

Parry. In June, when the summer sun shall have opened 
the path for us and we can make our way through the ice 
with our ship, we will turn our boat and our faces homeward. 
It will be a hard, bitter trip, but it is worth while if the 
United States can realize this dream, and win in a contest 
that has been carried on now for over a hundred years before 
the landing of the Pilgrim Fathers on the New England 
shore. 

All the Men. [Rising.] Here’s to the success of our 
desire to plant the Stars and Stripes at the long-coveted goal, 
the North Pole. [All march from stage, or curtain may be 
drawn.'] 


WAITING FOR THE TRAIN 


FOR SEVEN BOYS AND SEVEN GIRLS 
CHARACTERS 


Ticket Agent 
Farmer 
Negro 
Bad Boy 
Fat Man 
Peddler 
Book Agent 


Grandma 

Nellie, her grandchild 

Deaf Woman 

Marie, a little girl 

Young Mother with a Baby 

Old Maid 

Auntie Doleful 


COSTUMES 


All must be dressed as grown-ups to represent their various parts, 
except the bad boy, Nellie the grandchild, and Marie the little girl, 
who may wear traveling clothes. Grandma carries a satchel and 
some bundles; the old maid has a bandbox, a bird cage and a lot of 
packages; the book agent has a book for which he is canvassing; the 
young mother carries a large doll, fixed up as a baby. The peddler 
has a pack that he carries on his back. 


STAGE ARRANGEMENT 


The waiting-room of a railway depot. In one corner have a nar¬ 
row table or a wide board, behind which the ticket agent has his 
office. Around the sides of stage have chairs placed for travelers to 
sit. 

Discovered , the Ticket Agent. Enter Grandma and Nellie, 


the grandchild. 


Grandma. I guess we are in time. 

Nellie. [Looking around .] What is this? 

Grandma. This is the waiting-room. 

Nellie. What is it waiting for? 

Grandma. It is where folks wait for the train. You sit 


150 




WAITING FOE THE TKAIN 


151 


clown while I buy my ticket. [Nellie sits; Grandma goes 
to Agent.] 1 want a ticket, please. 

Agent. Where are you going? 

Grandma. I'm going to visit my sister, Sarah. I’ve not 
seen her for five years. She’s been real bad with rheumatiz 

and— 

Agent. Where do you want to go? 

Grandma. Why, I just told you I want to go to sister 
Sarah's. 

Agent. Madam, I can’t sell you a ticket unless you will 
tell me where she lives. 

Grandma. Oh, is that so? She lives in Hookerville, Ill. 
The train ain’t gone, is it? 

Agent. No, madam. [He gives her a ticket , she pays, 
then sits .] 

Enter the Farmer. 

Farmer. Say, did the train go to Merton? 

Agent. Yes, sir, it did. 

Farmer. Wal, I snum! Maria told me I was goin’ to 
miss it, but I thought mebbe it’d wait for me. It took me so 
long to feed the pigs and milk the cows and do up the chores 
that time got ahead of me. When did the train go ? 

Agent. It went yesterday. 

Farmer. Has it gone to-day? 

Agent. Not yet. 

Farmer. Say, you young smarty, for two cents I’d take 
you out and lick you. 

Agent. You better not touch me or Uncle Sam will get 
after you. 

Farmer. Say, I ain’t afraid of your uncle Sam. I can 
lick ’most anybody. [Shakes fist.] Who is your uncle Sam, 
anyway ? 


152 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


Agent. Why, the government I work for, of course. Don’t 
you know Uncle Sam? 

Farmer. Young man, don’t you give me any more sass. 
Give me a ticket. 

Agent. I can’t. 

Farmer. Can’t? Why not? 

Agent. Why, we don’t give away tickets. We sell them. 

Farmer. [ Pulling out pocketbook .] Wal, I’ve got the 
money. I sold my brindle cow yesterday for thirty-seven 
dollars. [Gets ticket and sits.] 

Nellie. Grandma, I want to go on the cars. 

Grandma. You can’t till the train comes. 

Nellie. Well, I’m hungry. 

Grandma. No, you aren’t. 

Nellie. Then I’m thirsty. I want a drink. 

Grandma. No, you can’t have anything. You must be 
quiet. 

Enter the Old Maid with her bundles. 

Farmer. Howdy, ma’am. I s’pose you’re moving. 

Old Maid. Oh, no, I’m just going on a visit to brother 
Jedediah’s. 

Farmer. You don’t say! Where does he live ? 

Old Maid. In Florida—Kissimmee. 

Farmer. [In surprise .] What? 

Old Maid. Kissimmee. 

Farmer. [Jumping up.] Wal, I snum! I guess I’ll 
wait outside. What would Maria say if she heard that woman 
ask me to kiss her ? [He goes out.] 

Old Maid. [After getting all her bundles piled on seat.] 
I must get my ticket. [To Agent.] Kissimmee, please. 

Agent. Wh-at ? 

Old Maid. Kissimmee, please. 


WAITING FOR THE TRAIN 


153 


Agent. I guess not, ma'am. This road don’t pay me to 
do such things as that. And my girl wouldn’t like it. 

Old Maid. Sir, what do you mean ? 

Agent. I mean you can say things like that to your fellow. 

Old Maid. My fellow! What has he to do with it ? But 
I want you to understand, young man, that I do not lack for 
fellows. Deacon Jones has been smiling on me ever since his 
wife died. But I want my ticket. 

Agent. Oh, all right! Where to ? 

Old Maid. Kissimmee. 

Agent. There you go again! Didn’t I tell you I wasn’t 
going to kiss you? 

Old Maid. Kiss me? Who wants you to? I want a 
ticket to Kissimmee, Florida. 

Agent. Oh, that’s different. Why didn’t you say so ? 
[Gives ticket, etc .] 

Kellie. Grandma, I’in awful hungry. May I have a 
cookie ? 

Grandma. Yes, if you won't drop crumbs. [Gives cookie. 
Old Maid sits.] 

Enter the Fat Man. 

Kellie. Oh, grandma, see that fat man! Is he as big as 
an elephant? 

Grandma. Sh-sh-sh-sh! he'll hear you. 

Kellie. What makes him so fat? Does he eat lots? 

Grandma. I guess so. Keep still. 

Fat Man. [To Agent.] Do you charge anything extra 
for taking fat folks? 

Agent. [Laughing.] Ko, nothing extra, but they may 
make you pay damages if you break the train down. 

Kellie. I won’t ride on the cars if he’s going to break 
them. 


154 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


Grandma. Sh-sh-sh-sh! be still. 

Agent. Where do you want to go? 

Fat Man. North. 

Agent. Whereabouts north ? 

Fat Man. Oh, just to North. 

Agent. Do you want to go to the North Pole? 

Fat Man. [Laughing.] No, sir, but I want to go west 
and go to North. 

Agent. Say, stop your fooling and tell me where you want 
to go. 

Fat Man. I told you, North. 

Agent. Where to? What town? 

Fat Man. Well, I want to go to North, a little town out 
in Utah. 

Agent. Oh, I see. [Fixes ticket, etc.] 

Old Maid. Mercy, I wonder if he is a Mormon, seeing he’s 
going to Utah! 

Grandma. Mebbe what makes him so fat is because he has 
several wives to cook for him. [Fat Man takes his ticket 
and sits.] 

Enter Aunty Doleful. 

Aunty Doleful. [To Grandma.] How-d’ye-do. I s’pose 
they’ll be an accident on the cars. ’Most always is when I 
travel. Last time I- w r ent there was three folks killed. 

Grandma. La, me, you don’t say! I’m real scared of 
accidents. 

Auntie Doleful. [To Old Maid.] Lack-a-me, ain’t you 
scared to travel with a band-box? I’ve heard that brought 
bad luck. We’ll sure have an accident. 

Old Maid. Mercy me, I didn’t know it was bad luck. I 
can’t go without my best bonnet. What shall I do? 

Aunty Doleful. Some of us’ll be killed I s’pose. [To 


WAITING FOR THE TRAIN 


155 


Grandma.] My, ain’t yon afraid to take this little girl on 
the cars? Children are terrible apt to catch diseases on the 
cars. Just a little while ago a little girl caught scarlet fever 
on the train and died. 

Nellie. I don't w r ant to go on the cars and die. Boo- 
hoo-hoo. [ Cries .] 

Grandma. La, me, you won’t die. You’re too naughty. 

Aunty Doleful. [To Agent.] I want a ticket to St. 
Paul. Say, young man, are you consumptive? You look like 
it. My, there’s an awful lot of folks die of consumption 
now’days. It takes some of ’em awful quick, too. 

Agent. [Fixing ticket .] I’m not consumptive that I 
know of. 

Aunty Doleful. Well, some folks has it that don’t know 
it till they’re ’most dead. [Takes ticket and sits.] 

Enter the Negro. 

Nellie. Oh, grandma, see the nigger. 

Grandma. Sh-sh-sh-sh ! he’ll hear you. 

Nellie. Will he be black in heaven, too? 

Grandma. I don’t know. Keep still. 

Aunty Doleful. I don’t s’pose he’ll ever get to heaven— 
most niggers are wicked. 

Negro. [To Agent.] Blackfoot. 

Agent. What ? 

Negro. Blackfoot. 

Agent. [Looking him over.] Yes, I suppose your foot is 
black— your face surely is. 

Negro. Heah, what you givin’ me? I don’t want none o’ 
your smart talk. I want a ticket to Blackfoot, Idaho. 

Agent. Oh, all right! [Fixes ticket, etc.] 

Aunty Doleful. [To Fat Man.] Mister, ain’t you 


156 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


afraid you'll drop dead some time, being so fat? Fat folks 
are liable to die dreadful sudden. 

Old Maid. I wouldn't worry about it, for lots of fat peo¬ 
ple live to grow old. 

Fat Man. Thank you, ma'am. I wish I could worry 
about it, for then I might grow thin, but to save me I can't 
worry about anything. 

Nellie. I don't want that nigger to sit by me. I'm afraid 
of him. 

Grandma. I want you to keep still. [The Negro goes 
over and sits near the Old Maid.] 

Old Maid. Oh, oh, oh, mercy sakes! [Jumps up ex¬ 
citedly.'] 

Fat Man. What in the world is the matter, ma’am? 

Aunty Doleful. Have you got a sudden pain? 

Old Maid. [To Negro.] Get up, get up. You dreadful 
man! 

Negro. [Jumping up.] What's the matter? I ain’t doin' 
nothin’. 

Old Maid. Oh, you sat down on my bag of gingersnaps I 
was taking for a lunch. [She picks up a smashed bag from 
where Negro sat.] 

Negro. Why, why, ain't that too bad? I nevah knowed 
they was there, I hope to die, I didn't, ma’am. You’ll have 
to 'xeuse me. 

Old Maid. I guess I'll have to, but that won't keep me 
from getting hungry. 

Enter Young Woman with Baby. 

Young Mother. There, now, mamma’s baby, we are going 
to have a nice ride on the choo-choo cars. Does you want a 
nice ridey-ride? [Goes to Agent.] I want a ticket to 


WAITING FOR THE TRAIN 


157 


Marysville—doesn’t we, dnckey-darling ? Mamma’s baby is 
going to go see grandma. Does her want to see grandma ? 

Agent. Here is your ticket, madam. 

Young Mother. Now we must sit down and wait for the 
ehoo-choo cars to come. [Takes ticket and sits by Aunty 
Doleful.] 

Aunty Doleful. My sakes, madam, ain’t you scared to 
take that little baby on the cars? It will sure catch colic or 
the croup or something, and maybe die. 

Young Mother. [Anxiously.'] Oh, you don’t think so, 
do you? Muzzer’s dear little honey love must not get sick, 
not for the world. 

Fat Man. No, it won’t hurt her. Lots of little babies go 
on the train. 

Grandma. Don’t you worry. I have often taken babies on 
the cars. You have a real nice little baby. 

Young Mother. Oh, she is the sweetest in the world— 
aren’t you, honey-sweetness ? 

Nellie. I want to hold the baby. 

Young Mother. Oh, no, dear, you might drop the blessed 
little tootsey-wootsey love. 

Old Maid. Isn’t it time for the train to come ? 

Agent. It is late, madam. 

Enter the Book Agent. 

Book Agent. Well, there is quite a crowd here. I ought 
to be able to do some business. [To Agent.] I want a ticket 
to Chicago. 

Agent. All right. [Fixes ticket, etc.] 

Negro. [Laughing.] Ho, ho ho! Ha, ha, ha ha! Ho, 
ho, ho, ho! 

Fat Man. What are you laughing at ? 


158 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


Negro. I just thought how funny it was for me to sit 
down on those gingersnaps. Ho, ho, ho ! Ha, ha, ha, ha ! 

Old Maid. Well, I can’t see anything funny about it. 
You ought to be ashamed to laugh. [Book Agent takes ticket 
and comes over to Aunty Doleful.] 

Book Agent. Madam, let me show you a very nice book 
I am selling. 

Aunty Doleful. No, I won’t look at it! I never buy 
books. Say, mister, you ain’t got a cancer, have you ? 

Book Agent. Cancer? Mercy! Not that I know of. 

Aunty Doleful. Well, you look an awful lot like a man 
I knew who died of cancer. 

Book Agent. [To Old Maid.] Madam, can’t I show you 
this nice book I am selling? It is bound in three-quarters 
morocco, with gilt edges, has numerous illustrations— 

Old Maid. Is it a love story ? 

Book Agent. No, ma’am, it is history. 

Old Maid. Oh, I don’t care for anything but stories. I 
love them and so does Deacon Jones. 

Book Agent. [To Grandma.] Madam, will you look at 
this book ? 

Grandma. No, I don’t want to see it. I never did like 
book agents. 

Aunty Doleful. Neither did I. They don’t amount to 
much. 

Fat Man. Why don’t you go to work at something? 

Book Agent. Work ? I think it is hard enough work to 
try to sell books. 

Reenter the Farmer. 

Farmer. Say, isn’t that train going to Merton to-day? 

Agent. Yes, but all the trains are late. 

Enter Marie, a little girl. 


WAITING FOR THE TRAIN 


159 


Marie. [To Agent.] I want a ticket to Oregon. 

Agent. Why, yon aren’t going clear to Oregon alone are 
yon ? 

Marie. Yes, of course. 

Aunty Doleful. Why, little girl, someone will kidnap 
you. 

Grandma. Haven’t you any folks to go with you? 

Fat Man. Poor little thing, to have to go alone. 

Marie. I am not afraid. That isn’t very far. I like to 
ride on the cars. 

Book Agent. The poor little thing. 

Marie. Huh, I’m not very little, and I’m not poor, either! 
You must be green. [To Agent.] Why don’t you give me a 
ticket ? 

Agent. Where in Oregon do you want to go? 

Marie. Just to Oregon. 

Agent. But Oregon is a big state, way out west. Where 
do you want to stop? 

Marie. Oh, goosie, I’m not going out west. I want to go 
to Oregon, Illinois, where my aunt lives. 

Agent. Oh, all right. [Gives ticket and she sits.] 

Enter Deaf Woman. 

Deaf Woman. Has the train gone? 

Agent. No, ma’am, not yet. 

Deaf Woman. Wet? Who’s wet? 

Agent. [Louder.'] Not yet. Hasn’t gone yet. 

Deaf Woman. I want a ticket for Five Miles. 

Agent. We don’t sell a ticket for five miles. You have 
to go clear to a station. 

Deaf Woman. What’s that? What did you say about 
relations ? 


160 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


Agent. We don't sell tickets for only five miles. 

Deaf Woman. Yes, I want a ticket for Five Miles. I'm 
going to visit my sister Mary. 

Agent. [Louder .] But I can't sell for only five miles. 

Fat Man. [Coming forward.\ Ma'am, the trains don't 
stop five miles down the track. 

Book Agent. [Coming forward, and speaking in a loud 
voice.] Ma’am, you can’t stop anywhere you please. 

Deaf Woman. Yes, I've got my valise.. I didn't forget 
that. 

Farmer. [Coming forward and speaking in a very loud 
voice.] Train don't stop till it gets to Mer-ton. 

Deaf Woman. [Greatly surprised.] Why, of course I*ve 
got my skirt on. 

Agent. What shall I do ? 

Book Agent. Let her walk the five miles. It will do her 
good. 

Deaf Woman. What are you all making such a fuss about ? 
Why don't you give me my ticket? I want to go to Five 
Miles, in West Virginia, where sister Mary lives. 

Agent. Gee, what a name for a town! [Hunts in book 
and gets a ticket fixed for her. Fat Man, Farmer and Book 
Agent sit.] 

Enter Bad Boy. 

Bad Boy. [Looking at Old Maid's bundles.] Say, you 
ought to have to ride in the baggage car. [To Fat Man.] 
And I think you ought to have to ride in a stock car. [Deaf 
Woman takes ticket and sits.] 

Aunty Doleful. Little boy, don't you know where 
naughty children go when they die? Shame on you to talk 
so bad! 

Old Maid. You are the worst boy I know. 


WAITING FOR THE TRAIN 


161 


Bad Boy. I’m not bad. Pm going to be a minister when 
I grow np. [To Agent.] Say, I want to go to Cassville. 

Agent. [Fixing ticket.'] The ticket' is four-seventy. 
[Pause.] Well, aren’t you going to pay for this ticket, 
boy? 

Bad Boy. Why, I haven't any money. 

Agent. What are you asking for a ticket for then ? 

Bad Boy. I didn’t ask for a ticket. I just said I wanted 
to go there. I want to go to New York City, too, but I’m not 
asking for a ticket. 

Agent. Say, you good-for-nothing rascal, I’ll lick you! 

Bad Boy. You’ll have to catch me first. [Runs from 
room, laughing.] 

Nellie. I want to go on the cars. I’m tired of waiting. 

Aunty Doleful. I’m sure it’s a sign of bad luck to have 
the train late. 

Mother with Baby. Is muzzer’s little tootsey-wootsev 
getting anxious to go on the choo-choo cars ? 

Marie. [To Negro.] Say, you don’t have to wash your 
face w r hen it gets dirty, do you ? I wish I didn’t have to. 

Enter Peddler with pack. 

Peddler. [To Agent.] I wanta de ticket to Orlando. 
[While Agent is getting ticket, he opens his pack. Takes 
ticket, then goes to Old Maid.] Don’t you wanta de buy 
something nica? Good hankcheef, nica de comb, a paper 
needles, somet’ing to buy ? 

Old Maid. No, I don’t want anything. 

Peddler. [To Grandma.] Lady no wanta de buy some 
good stockings, some nica lace, many fine things? Buy little 
somet’ings. 

Grandma. No, no, I don’t want anything. 

Peddler. [To Fat Man.] Mister, doan you wanta de 


162 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


buy some nica hankcheefs, some good socks, nica pocket knife? 
Many t’ings awful cheap. 

Agent. [Calling.] The train is coming. 

Old Maid. Dear me, how will I ever get all my bundles 
picked up ? [Begins to pick up packages.] 

Mother with Baby. Oh, now we’ll go on the choo-clioo 
car^, honey love! 

Deaf Woman. Is the train coming? I didn’t hear it 
whistle. 

Farmer. I guess there's a good many things you don’t 
hear. 

Deaf Woman. Eh? What? 

Farmer. It’s a nice day. 

Fat Man. [To Old Maid.] You better sit on one side 
of the car and I’ll sit on the other and that will sort of balance 
it. Your bundles are pretty heavy, I reckon. 

Negro. [Laughing.] Ho, ho, ho, ho! Ila, ha, ha, ha! 
Ho, ho, ho! 

Peddler. [Angrily to Negro.] Are you laugha at a me 
because I carry de pack? 

Negro. No, I’m just thinking how funny it was when I 
sat down on those gingersnaps. 

Old Maid. I can’t see anything funny about it. 

Aunty Doleful. I wonder which one of us will be killed 
in the accident. 

Negro. I won’t. I’ve never been killed yet. 

Agent. Everybody ready. All aboard! [They all pass out, 
trying to hurry. The Old Maid drops some bundles and Fat 
Man has a hard time trying to pick them up.] 


CURTAIN 


THE SQUASHVILLE DEBATING SOCIETY 

FOR SIX BOYS AND FIVE GIRLS 


CHARACTERS 


Jim Jones 

John Jenson 

Pete Parsons 

Harry Hawks, President 

Sam Slick, Secretary 

Deacon Gadby 


Priscilla Porter 
Sallie Small 
Mary Meek 
Josie Jessup 
Mrs. Green 


COSTUMES 

All are dressed as grown-ups, and in back-woods style. Priscilla 
Porter should be dressed as an old maid; Mrs. Green as a plain, 
solemn woman; the other girls as young ladies. Deacon Gadby 
should be quite “slicked up/’ with high white collar and conspicuous 

be ‘ STAGE ARRANGEMENT 

Near center of back have a small stand, behind which the presi¬ 
dent sits. At one side have a desk for the secretary; in one corner at 
back have three chairs for the judges; alongside have the seats for 

the others. 

Discovered, all the characters. They stand around in groups , 
laughing and talking in loud voices. The President 
goes to stand and raps with a gavel. 

Harry. [Rapping loudly.] This meeting will come to 
order. Order, I say ! [Raps more vigorously.'] I want more 
noise and less order. [Everyone laughs.] I mean more order 
and less noise. [Pounds with gavel] 

Sallie. You’re making more noise than anybody else. 
Harry. Secretary, fine Miss Sallie Small five cents for 


being sassy. 


163 


164 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


Sallie. [Giggles.] I can’t pay it. I spent my last 
nickel for gnm. 

Harry. [ Gives terrible whack and yells.] Order! We 
must have order! 

Priscilla. [Jumps and screams .] Oh, mercy ! I thought 
that was a clap of thunder. [All laugh.] 

Harry. [In loud voice.] The secretary will read the min¬ 
utes of the last meeting. [All sit down and come to order.] 

Sam. [Rising.] Squashville, Missoury. 

Harry. [Raps.] Here, address the chair. 

Sam. [Making awkward bow.] Mr. Chair,— [Loud 
laughter.] I mean, Mr. President. [Reads.] Squashville, 
Missoury, May the 25th. The members of the Progressive 
Debatin’ Seeciety met for a meeting. The president wore a 
new shirt and a clean collar. [Laughter from the ladies and 
clapping from some of the men.] 

Harry. [Angrily.] That wasn’t the first clean one I’ve 
had on this year. 

Sam. [Reads.] The minutes of the previous meeting was 
read and improved. 

Pete. It’s easy to improve the minutes Sam writes. 

Harry. [Impressively.] You mean the minutes were 
approved. 

Sam. [Sulkily.] How do you know what I meant? 
[Reads.] The question for which to debate on was, ", Re¬ 
solved, That vegetables is more healthier to eat than meat is.” 
There was an awful lot of talkin’ done but not much said. 
The judges decided in favor of the addfirmative side because 
they had some augerments took out of doctor books, but most 
ev’rybody seemed in favor of eatin’ meat. 

John. I’d like to see anybody argify me out of eatin’ a 
good hunk of fresh meat. 


THE SQUASHYILLE DEBATING SOCIETY 


165 


Sam. [To John.] Keep still, you duffer! [Reads.'] 
The pleasure of the meetin’ was added to by eatin’ a package 
of pep’mint louseanges furnished by Jim Jones. 

Jim. [Proudly.] You bet there ain’t nothing small 
about me. 

Josie. No, not even your louse-anges. [Laughter.] 

Sam. [Reads.] Pete Parsons was fined five cents for 
putting a pin on the seat of one the judges, who set down 
on it and said— 

Mary. Oh, massy! I hope you ain’t got the swear word 
he said wrote down on your minutes. I raise a point of 
order. 

Pete. It was a point that raised the judge, too. 
[Laughter.] 

Harry. [Rapping.] Silence! [To Sam.] Go on or 
it’ll be time to go home ’fore you get through reading. Min¬ 
utes should be read in jest a few minutes—that’s why they 
call ’em minutes. Hurry up. 

Sam. [Reads.] Pete Parsons was fined five cents for 
putting a pin on the seat of one of the judges, who set down 
on it and said words that sounded bad and would look a lot 
worse on paper. When the meetin’ was done everybody 
went home.—Samuel Slick, Sec. [Site.] 

Harry. Are there any connections to be made to the 
minutes? [Looks around the room.] If not, they stand 
reproved. 

Mary. What did you reprove them for? 

Harry. For being too long. We will now begin our de¬ 
bate. The secretary will read the subject. 

Sam. [Rising.] (e Resolved, That the giraffe is of more 
value to mankind than a front porch is.” {Sits.] 

Harry. I will appoint as judges Deacon Gadbv, Mrs. 
Green, and Miss Priscilla Porter. [The Judges rise and 


166 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


take seats near the President. Miss Porter sits beside the 
Deacon and smiles at him in a romantic way.'] Who is the 
first speaker? 

Sam. Mr. Peter Parsons. 

Pete. [Rising and going forward.] Mr. President, la¬ 
dies, and gentlemen: I am to prove to you that a giraffe is 
of more value to mankind than a front porch is, and it won't 
take me very long, either. Why, giraffes are awful valuable 
and everybody knows it. Of course they are! I am in 
favor of the giraffe all right. Now jest s'pose I owned a 
giraffe. Wouldn't it be more valuable to me than a front 
porch? Why, I wouldn't need a step-ladder. I could jest 
climb up its neck to pick the apples out the tops of the trees 
and wash the upstairs windows. Why, front porches are 
only for looks. They ain't useful. And as for looks, who 
would think of looking at my front porch if I had a giraffe 
out in the back yard? Why, the front porch wouldn’t be in 
it with the giraffe. No, sir! I am for the giraffe all right. 
Why, I wouldn’t give five cents for a front porch, but I'd 
like mighty well to own a giraffe. Yes, sir! [Bows and 
sits.] 

Harry. The first speaker on the front porch wifi now 
o-rate. 

Sam. It’s Sallie Small. [She rises and comes forward.] 

Sallie. Mr. President, ladies and gentlemen : My smart 
oppornent has been trying to run down the front porch in 
favor of the giraffe. Now what's a giraffe, I want to know? 
[Looks around at audience.] I say what is a giraffe ? Noth¬ 
ing but a great tall, lank, gimber-go-shiftless animal that the 
Lord wouldn't a made only so's to make a curiosity of. 
Pete Parsons—I mean my oppornent, said front porches is 
only for looks. That’s a great big porverykation. 


THE SQUASHYILLE DEBATING SOCIETY 167 

John. What is a porverykation ? Is it a kind of a 

porch ? 

Sallie. No, it ain't! It’s a kind of a—a whopper. A 
front porch is useful. When your work is done up at night, 
and you are tired and want to rest, how nice it is to have a 
piazzy to set out on and enjoy yourself and watch the scenery 
and the folks go by and maybe visit with someone that comes 
to set a spell. And when women get their work done up in 
the afternoon, what is nicer than to set on the piazzy to sew 
or darn stockings or such? You couldn’t get no such pleas¬ 
ure out of a giraffe. You can’t even set on a giraffe to go 
out riding, because they are built so slanting there’s no stop¬ 
ping place from the ears down to the ground. And front 
porches is a great help as ornaments to a house. If the 
Lord hadn’t meant for us to go in for good-looking things 
he would not o’ put so much beauty in the world. [Looks 
admiringly at herself .] A front porch adds as much to the 
looks of a house as a nose does to a man’s face. I am sure 
our honorable judges will be able to decide between a lank 
giraffe and a front porch. [Bows to Judges and takes 
seat.] 

Harry. The debate will be continued by Miss Josie 
Jessup of the affirmative. [She comes forward smiling.] 

Josie. Mr. Hawks—I mean, Mr. President, ladies and 
gentlemen: I don’t think it was very smart for the last 
speaker to make fun of the giraffe. I think giraffes are 
just as cute as they can be. I’d lots rather have one than 
a front porch. I wouldn’t give a cent to look at a front 
porch, but I cquld look at a giraffe all day. Now what are 
we here for? To prove something. To prove the giraffe’s 
more valuable than a front porch. Just think how useful 
the giraffe is to the people of eastern countries. Over there 


168 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


the trees grow way up high, just awful high, and the cocoa- 
nuts and such things grow way, way up so high that it’s 
dreadful hard to get at them, but when the giraffe comes 
along he can knock down the cocoanuts and shake off the 
bananas and be just lots of help. What use would a front 
porch be at a time like that? Not a bit. Like my worthy 
cowleague I’m for the giraffe and I am sure our noble 
judges this evening have sense enough to appreciate such a 
nice animal.- I leave the giraffe in their hands. [$ifo.] 

Deacon Gadby. [Rising.] Mr. President, I object. 

Harry. Object to what? 

Deacon Gadby. I object to anything so cumbersome and 
so tall as a giraffe being left in my hands. [All laugh .] 

Harry. Well, you can lay it on the table then, like we do 
motions and such things as we don’t know what else to do 
with. 

Mrs. Green. [In a perplexed voice to Miss Porter.] 
What in the world is he talking about? What does he 
mean? 

Priscilla. Oh, it is just some of the Deacon’s wit. You 
know he is very humorous. [Deacon si/s.] 

Mrs. Green. Well, I can’t see where it’s funny. Maybe 
I could if I’d brought my glasses with me. 

Harry. We will now hear from Jim Jones. [Jim comes 
forward.'] 

Jim. Mr. President, ladies and gentlemen: In debating 
upon this important subject we should ask ourselves what 
use the giraffe is to us and what use the front porch is. Now, 
the giraffe ain’t a bit of use to none of us. The first speaker 
made a big fuss over how much value a giraffe would be to 
him, but I guess if he had one he’d find out. In the first 
place the only way he could keep it in the barn would be to 


THE SQUASHVILLE DEBATING SOCIETY 


169 


let it stand with its head up in the cupylow and I don’t see 
how he’d manage that, seein’ the cupylow’s in the middle 
of the barn, unless he taught it to double up like a Jack-in- 
the-box and not pop up till he got it in the barn under the 
cupylow. But we all know how useful a front porch is. 
We all like to look at ’em when we go by a house and we all 
like to set out on ’em. Now s’pose on a nice summer night 
our honorable judge, Deacon Gadby, should drop in to see 
fair Miss Priscilla Porter —[Priscilla giggles and smiles at 
the Deacon, who rubs his hands and smiles in a happy way .] 

Pete. [Jumping up.] Mr. President, I object. 

Harry. What’re you objecting to ? To the Deacon’s 
going to see Priscilla Porter? I guess it ain’t none of your 
business. [Laughter.] 

Pete. I. object to my eloquent opponent trying to get on 
the good side of the judges by helping the Deacon with his 
courtin’! 

Priscilla. [Simpering.] Don’t you fret about the Dea¬ 
con needing any help w T ith his courting. He isn’t as bashful 
as some other folks. 

Jim. Say, who’s doing this talking? I thought I had 
the floor. Now, I say, if the Deacon should drop in to see 
Miss Porter and they should set out on the front porch and 
listen to the sighin’ of the breeze, and the hummin’ of the 
insects, and watch the fireflies, and the twinklin’ stars, and 
smell the posies on the lawn and get sort of sentimental— 
who knows how much help that front porch might be to 
’em, even if the Deacon ain't bashful. [Bows and talees 
seat.] 

Priscilla. [Simpering.] He’s just a splendid speaker. 
Splendid! 

Deacon Gadby. [Nodding and smiling.] He is that! 


170 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


Mrs. Green. To my notion a front porch ain’t no place 
for courtin’. 

Priscilla. To my notion folks should court wherever 
they get a chance. 

Harry. The next speaker for the giraffe is John Jenson. 

John. [ Coming forward.] Mr. President, ladies and 
gentlemen: I am here to speak for that noble animal, the 
giraffe. There is lots to be said about this splendid beast, 
because there is SO' much of him. Why, I could take a long 
time and not talk as long as the giraffe is. And he is a 
beauty, too, with his long, graceful neck, his beautiful spots, 
and his stately manner. One of our speakers this evening 
said we all enjoyed looking at front porches, but just think 
how the folks in the countries across the sea must enjoy 
watching the beautiful giraffe. And as was said before, who 
of us would look at a front porch if we could look at a 
giraffe ? And when they are tamed they are very gentle and 
make awful nice pets. Now jest think how fine it would be 
to have a giraffe for a pet. You couldn’t make a pet of a 
front porch in a thousand years. If our honorable judges 
don’t believe a giraffe is more valuable than a front porch, 
they jest better get one and find out. And this is all I have 
to say, because we’ve already said more than enough to make 
our side win. You’ll see the giraffe come out ahead of the 
porch all right. And this is all I have to say. [Takes 
seat.] 

Harry. The next speaker for the negative is—is*— 

Sam. [Rising.] Mr. President, the next speaker is Miss 
Mary Meek. 

Harry. Oh, yes, Miss Meek. [She comes forward.] 

Miss Meek. Mr. President, ladies and gentlemen: The 
last speaker for my side drew a beautiful picture of the front 


THE SQUASHV1LLE DEBATING SOCIETY 


171 


porch as an aid to courtship. Now everybody knows that 
courtship is one of the most important things in the world, 
even if there are so many men who neglect it. [ Looks scorn¬ 
fully at the President, who looks at the floor.] Now I 
want to say, who would ever suggest the giraffe as a means 
of courting? Once I saw a picture of a lot of little children 
sliding down hill on a giraffe’s back, and though it is a long 
ways from the ears down to the ground, yet who would think 
of carrying on a courtship under such circumstances? No, 
no, the porch is the place, either to sit out and rest, to visit, 
to enjoy the scenery or to court. And then a porch is awful 
useful, too, to catch the dirt and mud that would be tracked 
into the house. And it is a fine place for the vines to run 
up, too, and an awful nice place to hang up a hammock. 
Now who would think of fastening a hammock on a giraffe? 
Why, [ bows to judges] honorable judges, we’ve got the 
giraffe put way out of sight. [ Takes her seat.] 

Mrs. Green. It ain’t been in sight anywhere as I’ve 
noticed. 

Harry. Well, everybody has had a chance to speak, so I 
guess we’ll let the judges decide who’s won. 

Pete. Why, I have another chance to speak. That ain't 
fair. I say, rule out the argument on the porch bein’ used for 
courtin’. I think that the question ought to be tied down 
somewheres, else- 

Harry. Oh, there’s been enough said. What’s the use 
of talking all night? Besides, we’ll let someone else attend 
to the tying. Our charter doesn’t permit of doing any tying. 
[Pete sits, grumbling to himself. Others laugh.] 

Deacon Gadby. Yes, we can just as well decide now. 
\He and Miss Porter and Mrs. Green begin to whisper. 
John Jenson passes round a little sack of candy and each 



172 


PLAYS AND COMEDIES 


one except the Judges takes a piece and eats it. Pete 
Parsons looks very angry and sullen.] 

Harry. Are the judges ready to report? 

Deacon Gadby. [Rising.] Ahem! Mr. President, we 
are ready to render our decision. After due consideration 
and careful thought we have decided in favor of the front 
porch—that is, the negative. The front porch is very use¬ 
ful—in fact I never realized until to-night how useful it 
might be. But in deciding in favor of the porch we do not 
intend any slight to the noble giraffe or the eloquent speakers 
who defended it. 

Priscilla. I think this was the best debate I ever heard. 

Deacon Gadby. It was certainly fine. 

Harry. Is there anything to come before the society 
before we adjourn? If not, we are adjourned and will eat 
up this candy. 


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